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Life is all about ass; you're either covering it, laughing it off, kicking
it, kissing it, busting it, trying to get a piece of it, or behaving like
one.

Corporate Lesson #1

A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower
when the doorbell rings. After a few seconds of arguing over which one
should go and answer the doorbell, the wife gives up, quickly wraps herself
up in a towel and runs downstairs.

When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next door neighbor.
Before she could say a word, Bob says, "I`ll give you $800 to drop that
towel that you have on."

After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked
in front of Bob. After a few seconds, Bob hands her 800 dollars and leaves.
Confused, but excited about her good fortune, the woman wraps back up in
the towel and goes back upstairs.

When she gets back to the bathroom, her husband asks from the shower,
"Who was that?"
"It was Bob the next door neighbor," she replies.
"Great!" the husband says, "Did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?"

Moral of the story: If you share critical information pertaining to credit
and risk with your shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent

avoidable exposure.

Corporate Lesson #2:
A priest was driving along and saw a nun on the side of the road. He stopped
and offered her a lift which she accepted. She got in and crossed her legs,
forcing her gown to open and reveal a lovely leg. The priest had a look and
nearly had an accident. After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his
hand up
her leg.

The nun looked at him and immediately said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?"

The priest was flustered and apologized profusely. He forced himself to
remove
his hand. Changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again.

The nun once again said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?"

Once again the priest apologized, "Sorry, Sister, but the flesh is weak."
Arriving at the convent, the nun got out gave him a meaningful glance and
went on her way.

Upon his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to retrieve a Bible and
looked up Psalm 129.
It said, "Go forth and seek, further up, you will Find glory."

Moral of the story: If you are not well informed in your job, you might
miss a great opportunity.

Corporate Lesson #3:

A sales representative, an administration clerk, and the manager are
walking along the beach when they find an antique oil lamp partially
buried in the sand. The clerk picks it up and rubs it. A Genie comes
out in a puff of smoke.

The Genie says, "I usually grant three wishes, so I`ll give each of you just

one."

"Me first! Me first!" says the admin clerk. "I want to be in the Bahamas,
driving a speedboat, without a care in the world." Poof! He`s gone.

"Me next! Me next!" says the sales rep. "I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on

the
beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of piña coladas, and the
love of my life!" Poof! She`s gone.

"OK, you`re up," the Genie says to the manager.

The manager grins and says, "I want those two back in the office after
lunch!"

Moral of the story: Always let your boss have the first say.

Corporate Lesson #4:

A crow was sit ting on a tree, doing nothing all day. A small rabbit saw the
crow and asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing all day long?"
The crow answered: "Sure, why not?"

So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow and rested.

All of a sudden a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.

Moral of the story: To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting
very,
very high up.

Corporate Lesson #5:
A turkey was chatting with a bull. "I would love to be able to get to the
top of
that tree," sighed the turkey, "but I haven`t got the energy."

"Well, why don`t you nibble on some of my droppings?" replied the bull.
"They`re packed with nutrients."

So the turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it actually gave him
enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree.
The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch.
Finally after a fourth night, there he was, proudly perched at the top of
the tree.

Soon he was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot the turkey out of the
tree.

Moral of the story: Bullshit might get you to the top, but it won`t keep you

there.

Corporate Lesson #6:
In Africa, every morning a gazelle awakens knowing that it must outrun
the fastest lion if it wants to stay alive. Every morning, a lion wakes up
knowing it must run faster than the slowest gazelle or it will starve to
death.

Moral of the story: It makes no difference whether you are a gazelle or
a lion: When the sun comes up, you had better be hauling ass.