feelgood

A bear and a rabbit are next to each other, taking a shit in the forest, when the bear says to the rabbit "Do you have a problem with shit sticking to your fur?" To this the rabbit responds "No." The bear then proceeds to wipe his ass with the rabbit.

A girl came skipping home from school one day. "Mommy, Mommy," she yelled, "we were counting today, and all the other kids could only count to four, but I counted to 10. See: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10!" "Very good," said her mother. "Is it because I'm blonde?" the girl asked. "Yes, it's because you're blonde," said the mommy. The next day the girl came skipping home from school. "Mommy, Mommy," she yelled, "we were saying the alphabet today and all the other kids could only say it to D, but I said it to G. See? A, B, C, D, E, F, G!" "Very good," said her mother. "Is it because I'm blonde, Mommy?" "Yes, dear, it's because you're blonde." The next day the girl came skipping home from school. "Mommy, Mommy," she yelled, "we were in gym class today, and when we showered, all the other girls had flat chests, but I have these!" and she lifted her tank top to reveal a pair of 36C's. "Very good," said her embarrassed mother. "Is it because I'm blonde, Mommy?" "No, Honey, it's because you're 24."

Three teachers meet in the pub and get quite drunk. As the first teacher, a university lecturer, leaves the pub, he is arrested by two policemen and has to hand over his driver's license. He then rejoins the other teachers to continue his drinking spree . Then the second teacher, a college professor, leaves and he also is arrested by the same policemen and loses his license. He decides to go back into the pub to continue his boozing. Finally the third teacher, who works at at a school for special needs children leaves, however returns a few minutes later with the two driver's licenses of his colleagues and says: " You see, it pays if you know your former pupils "

A blonde is driving her car and gets pulled over for speeding. The female Police officer; also a blonde, asks the driver for her license. The driver proceeds to shuffle through her purse nervously looking for her identification. Impatiently, the Officer explains " It's the one with your picture on it!" The driver finds her make up mirror and sees her face in it and hands it to the Police officer. The Police officer takes one look at the mirror and exclaims " If I would have known you were a cop, I wouldn't have pulled you over!"

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Looking out the window, that's an act of war. Staring at my shoes, that's an act of war. Committing an act of war? Oh you better believe that's an act of war

Jimellow

I like those two a lot! Blonde jokes are always fun.

Gortexfogg

Hilarious stuff, thanks!

Delvid

The "mommy, mommy" joke is excellent.