Jack Handey Quote of the Day 9-15-04
 

More from "Fuzzy Memories"
(The supposed childhood memories of Mr. Jack Handey)

The first cigarette I ever had I smoked behind Grandpa's barn. It made me dizzy, and I coughed a lot. "Don't worry, that always happens with the first one," said Grandpa. "Try another one." And you know, he was right.

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Every year at Christmastime a whole set of emotions sweeps over me--emotions which probably go back to my childhood.
The first emotion is wondering if I'm going to get any presents. Then it changes to "Hooray, I got some presents!" Then it changes to "Is that all the presents I got?"

(one more, due to shortness)

I'll never forget the time the president came to our town. When I saw him go by, he looked so much older and sadder than I thought he was. Also, why was he driving an ice cream truck?