bullmoose

A few minutes before the church services started, the townspeople were sitting in their pews and talking. Suddenly, Satan appeared at the front of the church. Everyone started screaming and running for the front entrance, trampling each other in a frantic effort to get away from the evil incarnate.

Soon every one had exited the church except for one elderly gentleman who sat calmly in his pew without moving, seeming oblivious to the fact that God's ultimate enemy was in his presence.

So, Satan walked up to the old man and said, "Don't you know who I am?"

The man replied, "Yep, sure do."

"Aren't you afraid of me?" Satan asked.

"Nope, sure ain't," said the man.

"Don't you realize I can kill you with just a word?" asked Satan.

"Don't doubt it for a minute," returned the old man in an even tone.

"Did you know that I could cause you profound, horrifying, physical agony for all eternity??" persisted Satan.

"Yep," was the calm reply.

"And you're still not afraid??" asked Satan.

"Nope."

More than a little perturbed, Satan asked, "Well, why aren't you afraid of me??"

The man calmly replied, "Been married to your sister for over 48 years."

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Rehab is for quitters.

Cadwiz

I really like that.

Delvid

I know how he feels.

Ilow

sort of saw it coming, but it's still funny.

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"Religion is the one area of our discourse in which it is considered noble to pretend to be certain about things no human being could possibly be certain about"
--Sam Harris

kinsaj

that's great. thanks

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boom

Gabbyness

That is awesome, I'm going to send that one down the chain.

mordret

Great joke ! Thanks !

carrot glace

thats pretty funny, i was expecting something totally different

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"blaine is a pain and that is the truth"

SirLance

And I was married to his other sister for 7...

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DEMOCRACY is where your vote counts, FEUDALISM is where your count votes.

Silverbrain

Great one )

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Over Thinking, Over Analyzing
Seperates the Body from the Mind - MJK

japhyryder

That has always been my favorite joke of all time

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It's only entertainment, someone's sick idea of a joke.

chileno

thats a good one.

small one

Now that was superb

WarriorBuddha

that one's funny every time

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Thockmorton knew if he were ever to break wind in the echo chamber, he would never hear the end of it.

joellp

perfect first-thing-in-the-morning joke. thanks.

zaiaz

You just made my day.....thanks.

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Self destruction - "Its my Nature", said the Scorpion...

Arc101

Yes - good joke it made me smile

warrrreagl

This little Baptist preacher had all the faith in the world, and one day, a flood came to his little town. He was sitting on his front porch watching the water rise when a rowboat came down the street.

A man in the boat said, "Preacher, come get in the boat with us and we'll save you. You haven't got much time because the water is rising fast."

The preacher said, "No. You don't understand, because I don't need you. I have faith in the Lord, and if I need any help, the Lord will provide for me."

And the little boat went on.

About an hour later, the preacher was sitting on his roof watching the water rise, when another rowboat came by.

A man in the boat said, "Preacher, come get in the boat with us and we'll save you. You haven't got much time because the water is rising fast, and we're the last boat."

The preacher said, "No. You don't understand, because I don't need you. I have faith in the Lord, and if I need any help, the Lord will provide for me."

And the last little boat went on.

Soon after, the preacher was clinging to his chimney as the rising water began to engulf the roof. A helicopter flew directly overhead.

A man in the helicopter called out, "Preacher, grab this rope and we'll save you. This is your last chance. You haven't got much time because the water is rising fast."

The preacher said, "No. You don't understand, because I don't need you. I have faith in the Lord, and if I need any help, the Lord will provide for me."

And the helicopter went on.

Finally, the preacher was swept away by the rushing water and drowned. As he stood before St. Peter's Gate, he watched in confusion as St. Peter walked out toward him.

St. Peter said, "Preacher, what are you doing here? You're not supposed to be here yet, because it's not your time."

The preacher answered, "Well, I'm a little confused myself. I had faith in the Lord, and he was supposed to provide for me."

St. Peter said, "Hell, he sent you two rowboats and a helicopter. What'd you want?"

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Living is easy with eyes closed.

Antikarma

Wait, But I'M married to his sister, so this guy can't be.

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"Whoever you are, go out into the evening,
leaving your room, of which you know each bit;
your house is the last before the infinite,
whoever you are."