Monkey + Ass = teh funey.
 

A man walks into a bar with his pet squirrel monkey on his shoulder. He sits down at the bar and orders a beer and the monkey jumps off his shoulder. The monkey is running all over the bar, eating the beer nuts and generally disturbing the customers.

The bartender, starting to get slightly annoyed says: "Hey! You'd better get that damn monkey out of here! He's scaring off customers."

"Sorry about that," says the man, "He's always picking up whatever he can get his hands on and eating it."

He smacks the monkey and the monkey goes flying across the room and lands on the pool table. The first thing the monkey does is to pick up the cue-ball and stuff it in his mouth and swallow it.

The bartender flips out and says: "Did you see what your monkey did? He ate the cue-ball!"

"Listen, I'm real sorry," said the man. "How much for the damage?"

The bartender tells him and he pays up and leaves, taking the monkey with him.

Two weeks later, the man comes back into the bar with his pet monkey. The monkey jumps off the man's shoulder and scurries across the barm eating all the beer nuts and whatnot. Then the monkey comes to a marascino cherry on a stick. The monkey picks it up, shoves it up his ass, then pulls it out and eats it.

The bartender yells "All right, you sick bastard, get that damned monkey out of here!"

The guy at the bar says "Look, I'm sorry. It's just that since he ate that cue-ball here, he measures everything first."

hahaha, took a second to sink in but, it Is funny.

Monkeys always funny. That's a good one.

Now that is a good one! Monkey jokes rock!

Those monkeys are so intelligent..

Must have been a tough lesson to learn!! Good joke.

Glad

thats great
 

the punch line was unexpected. Good joke

i laughed my ass off...

one of the best. I actually laughed out loud, thanks.

It's a little different from the one I have heard but it's still just as funny. Nice job Crooky.

Thanks guys. I have to level with you though - it's not really a joke. My dad used to take me to the bar a lot when I was just little and... well you get the picture.

This is <i>really</i> funny. I love this one. I'm going to have to tell it at work tomorrow. Thanks.

I don't know why exactly, but this joke hit me just right, very funny.

heheheh. nice one! : )

you -always- have to love the moneys.

... LOVE THEM. NOW.

heh, i'd forgotten that one...funny

Hahaha! What a careful little monkey

me too! funny stuff...

hahaha i love the humor section :D

heard of this one already...very funny still..thnx

eww. A good joke none theless

smart monkey...

heard this before, but it's still one of my favorites

OH MY GOD!! I think I just pissed myself...

Beautiful joke. Always love the monkeys.

Heh, very clever!

The Darker Fire Within

Must...find...2 year old version...

(tis phrased better, got it quite a while back)

first laugh all day thanks!

omg lol that is down right funny

hahahahaha

im going to hold onto this one ;)

excellent, a lot of ppl are gonna love this one, thank you for the gift

Nice one!

that was funny, heard it before but it is funny every time I hear it.

hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!
That's great! :) hold on., gotta measure!

OMG!!! I laughed nice and hard, thanks! I needed a good laugh. You get a 5.

This one's a classic. I can never tell it correctly though, great to read!

Monkeys make everything better.

funny! 5 star rating!

Yep, it gets 5 stars here too!

HeeHeeHee i neva heard dat. thanx Crooky.