The Lottery Ticket - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

Moobie · 06-24-2004, 09:45 PM

This is dedicated to tekaweni, troit, bobby and all the other guys here that flood this forum with the awesome content that it has.

i've searched for this and it didn't come up, but it's a classic, so enjoy.

A very religious guy called John finds himself in dire trouble. His business has gone bust and he's in serious financial trouble. He's so desperate that he decides to ask God for help. He goes into church and begins to pray...........

"God, please help me. I've lost my business and if I don't get some money, I'm going to lose my house as well. Please let me win the lottery."

Lottery night comes and somebody else wins it.

John goes back to church.....................

"God, please let me win the lottery. I've lost my business, my house and now I'm going to lose my car as well."

Lottery night comes and John still has no luck!!

Back to church..................

"God, why have you forsaken me?? I've lost my business, my house and my car, and now my wife and children are starving. I don't often ask you for help and I have always been a good servant to you. Why won't you just let me win the lottery this one time so I can get my life back in order???"

Suddenly there is a blinding flash of light as the heavens open and John is confronted by the voice of GOD himself.

"JOHN, MEET ME HALF WAY ON THIS ONE, BUY A FUCKING TICKET."

tekaweni · 06-25-2004, 03:20 AM

HAHAHAHAHAHA excellent - I havent heard this one before!

Many thanks!

MooseMan3000 · 06-25-2004, 06:01 AM

ahahahaha!

Good work!

saberyo · 06-25-2004, 11:08 AM

Thanks for the laugh!

brikellxx · 06-25-2004, 06:33 PM

nice one

PayUp · 06-26-2004, 09:19 AM

Great joke. That will definately be retold this week.

Kllr Wolf · 06-26-2004, 04:22 PM

Definatly one to share with others.

bluearmy · 06-26-2004, 05:06 PM

I love it, still laughing now.

smilodon · 06-27-2004, 07:08 AM

One of my favorites

Shpoop · 06-27-2004, 11:04 AM

haha yup, never heard it either

bacon_masta · 06-27-2004, 12:37 PM

that was friggin hilarious, keep em coming

Jackebear · 06-28-2004, 03:06 AM

I liked it.

Delvid · 06-28-2004, 12:54 PM

Commits to memory. Good stuff.

absorbentishe · 06-28-2004, 12:58 PM

Haven't heard that one before, and I like it! Thanks.

dirtyrascal7 · 06-28-2004, 01:09 PM

in the new edition of maxim there's a joke very similar to this, only the main character is a blond woman... which i think makes more sense, but i still like this version better.

Moobie · 06-28-2004, 02:38 PM

Having it be a guy, as opposed to just a blonde, gives this little joke the added bonus of doubling as a lesson on life, which is why I like it. If it was just a blonde joke it wouldn't be so memorable.

yoda77 · 06-28-2004, 11:03 PM

idiot I didnt see it coming great joke

deportes · 06-29-2004, 05:06 PM

good one

klasdopqasd · 07-01-2004, 11:03 PM

hahaha. Great!

Temporary_User · 07-06-2004, 12:21 PM

knew it was coming, but still laughed

06-24-2004, 09:45 PM	#1 (permalink)
Moobie Insane Location: baked beans	The Lottery Ticket This is dedicated to tekaweni, troit, bobby and all the other guys here that flood this forum with the awesome content that it has. i've searched for this and it didn't come up, but it's a classic, so enjoy. A very religious guy called John finds himself in dire trouble. His business has gone bust and he's in serious financial trouble. He's so desperate that he decides to ask God for help. He goes into church and begins to pray........... "God, please help me. I've lost my business and if I don't get some money, I'm going to lose my house as well. Please let me win the lottery." Lottery night comes and somebody else wins it. John goes back to church..................... "God, please let me win the lottery. I've lost my business, my house and now I'm going to lose my car as well." Lottery night comes and John still has no luck!! Back to church.................. "God, why have you forsaken me?? I've lost my business, my house and my car, and now my wife and children are starving. I don't often ask you for help and I have always been a good servant to you. Why won't you just let me win the lottery this one time so I can get my life back in order???" Suddenly there is a blinding flash of light as the heavens open and John is confronted by the voice of GOD himself. "JOHN, MEET ME HALF WAY ON THIS ONE, BUY A FUCKING TICKET." __________________ Obscenity is the crutch of inarticulate motherfuckers. We like money. Give us your money you stupid consumer whore.

06-25-2004, 03:20 AM	#2 (permalink)
tekaweni It wasnt me Location: Scotland	HAHAHAHAHAHA excellent - I havent heard this one before! Many thanks! __________________ If you always do what you've always done, you'll always get what you've always gotten

06-25-2004, 11:08 AM	#4 (permalink)
saberyo Tilted	Thanks for the laugh! __________________ TANSTAAFL

06-26-2004, 09:19 AM	#6 (permalink)
PayUp DILLIGAF Location: AZ	Great joke. That will definately be retold this week. __________________ Born to Lose.

06-26-2004, 04:22 PM	#7 (permalink)
Kllr Wolf Psycho Location: Lubbock, TX	Definatly one to share with others. __________________ Caffeine - the molecule of life.

06-25-2004, 06:01 AM	#3 (permalink)
MooseMan3000 wouldn't mind being a ninja. Location: Maine, the Other White State.	ahahahaha! Good work!

06-25-2004, 06:33 PM	#5 (permalink)
brikellxx Junkie	nice one

06-26-2004, 05:06 PM	#8 (permalink)
bluearmy Insane Location: uk	I love it, still laughing now.

06-27-2004, 07:08 AM	#9 (permalink)
smilodon Psycho Location: Cenozoic Era	One of my favorites

06-27-2004, 11:04 AM	#10 (permalink)
Shpoop Curious Location: NJ (but just for college)	haha yup, never heard it either

06-27-2004, 12:37 PM	#11 (permalink)
bacon_masta Psycho Location: i live in the state of denial	that was friggin hilarious, keep em coming

06-28-2004, 03:06 AM	#12 (permalink)
Jackebear Insane	I liked it. __________________ Life's jounney is not to arrive at the grave safely in a well-preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, totally worn-out shouting, "Holy sh*t! What a ride!" - unknown

06-28-2004, 12:54 PM	#13 (permalink)
Delvid Insane Location: Missouri	Commits to memory. Good stuff.

06-28-2004, 12:58 PM	#14 (permalink)
absorbentishe Boy am I horny today Location: T O L E D O, Toledo!!	Haven't heard that one before, and I like it! Thanks.

06-28-2004, 01:09 PM	#15 (permalink)
dirtyrascal7 That's what she said	in the new edition of maxim there's a joke very similar to this, only the main character is a blond woman... which i think makes more sense, but i still like this version better. __________________ "Tie yourself to your limitless potential, rather than your limiting past." "Every man I meet is my superior in some way. In that, I learn of him."

07-01-2004, 11:03 PM	#19 (permalink)
klasdopqasd Upright	hahaha. Great!

06-28-2004, 02:38 PM	#16 (permalink)
Moobie Insane Location: baked beans	Having it be a guy, as opposed to just a blonde, gives this little joke the added bonus of doubling as a lesson on life, which is why I like it. If it was just a blonde joke it wouldn't be so memorable. __________________ Obscenity is the crutch of inarticulate motherfuckers. We like money. Give us your money you stupid consumer whore.

06-28-2004, 11:03 PM	#17 (permalink)
yoda77 Tilted Location: SF BAY AREA	idiot I didnt see it coming great joke __________________ DRINK,SMOKE AND LAUGH

06-29-2004, 05:06 PM	#18 (permalink)
deportes Psycho	good one

07-06-2004, 12:21 PM	#20 (permalink)
Temporary_User Psycho	knew it was coming, but still laughed