REQ: Funny prose or poetry reading - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

TM875 · 05-04-2004, 03:41 PM

Okay, I'm looking for something mildly humorous to read for my Advanced Speech Theory class. Something funny, but timely - ie: something most people could relate to (was going to use clavus' story on his vasectomy, but there's too many women in the class to really be able to enjoy it...)

Anyway, it needs to be between 3 and 6 minutes in length. Author credits would be nice.

Thanks guys, and post away!

HLP · 05-04-2004, 04:08 PM

Tell me more about the project. i have one funny thing but its not a monologue. Its Kevin Smith's The Flying Car

http://www.viewaskew.com/newboard/messages364/1226.html

HLP · 05-04-2004, 04:13 PM

Here is another monologue from the great Steve Martin, this one might be too short for your three minute min.

A Holiday Wish
written by Steve Martin, performed on Saturday Night Live (1991)

Steve Martin: If I had one wish that I could wish this holiday season, it would be that all the children to join hands and sing together in the spirit of harmony and peace. If I had two wishes I could make this holiday season, the first would be for all the children of the world to join hands and sing in the spirit of harmony and peace. And the second would be for 30 million dollars a month to be given to me, tax-free in a Swiss bank account. You know, if I had three wishes I could make this holiday season, the first, of course, would be for all the children of the world to get together and sing, the second would be for the 30 million dollars every month to me, and the third would be for encompassing power over every living being in the entire universe. And if I had four wishes that I could make this holiday season, the first would be the crap about the kids definitely, the second would be for the 30 million, the third would be for all the power, and the fourth would be to set aside one month each year to have an extended 31-day orgasm, to be brought out slowly by Rosanna Arquette and that model Paulina-somebody, I can't think of her name. Of course my lovely wife can come too and she's behind me one hundred percent here, I guarantee it. Wait a minute, maybe the sex thing should be the first wish, so if I made that the first wish, because it could all go boom tomorrow, then what do you got, y'know? No, no, the kids, the kids singing would be great, that would be nice. But wait a minute, who am I kidding? They're not going to be able to get all those kids together. I mean, the logistics of the thing is impossible, more trouble than it's worth! So -- we reorganize! Here we go. First, the sex thing. We go with that. Second, the money. No, we got with the power second, then the money. And then the kids. Oh wait, oh jeez, I forgot about revenge against my enemies! Okay, I need revenge against all my enemies, they should die like pigs in hell! That would be my fourth wish. And, of course, my fifth wish would be for all the children of the world to join hands and sing together in the spirit of harmony and peace. Thank you everybody and Merry Christmas.

TM875 · 05-04-2004, 04:37 PM

It can be anything, any type of monologue. It's more for interpretation than content (that is, how I perform it). Thanks for these two...seem pretty funny.

05-04-2004, 03:41 PM	#1 (permalink)
TM875 Addict Location: Amish-land, PA	REQ: Funny prose or poetry reading Okay, I'm looking for something mildly humorous to read for my Advanced Speech Theory class. Something funny, but timely - ie: something most people could relate to (was going to use clavus' story on his vasectomy, but there's too many women in the class to really be able to enjoy it...) Anyway, it needs to be between 3 and 6 minutes in length. Author credits would be nice. Thanks guys, and post away!

05-04-2004, 04:37 PM	#4 (permalink)
TM875 Addict Location: Amish-land, PA	It can be anything, any type of monologue. It's more for interpretation than content (that is, how I perform it). Thanks for these two...seem pretty funny. __________________ "I've made only one mistake in my life. But I made it over and over and over. That was saying 'yes' when I meant 'no'. Forgive me."

05-04-2004, 04:08 PM	#2 (permalink)
HLP Crazy	Tell me more about the project. i have one funny thing but its not a monologue. Its Kevin Smith's The Flying Car http://www.viewaskew.com/newboard/messages364/1226.html

05-04-2004, 04:13 PM	#3 (permalink)
HLP Crazy	Here is another monologue from the great Steve Martin, this one might be too short for your three minute min. A Holiday Wish written by Steve Martin, performed on Saturday Night Live (1991) Steve Martin: If I had one wish that I could wish this holiday season, it would be that all the children to join hands and sing together in the spirit of harmony and peace. If I had two wishes I could make this holiday season, the first would be for all the children of the world to join hands and sing in the spirit of harmony and peace. And the second would be for 30 million dollars a month to be given to me, tax-free in a Swiss bank account. You know, if I had three wishes I could make this holiday season, the first, of course, would be for all the children of the world to get together and sing, the second would be for the 30 million dollars every month to me, and the third would be for encompassing power over every living being in the entire universe. And if I had four wishes that I could make this holiday season, the first would be the crap about the kids definitely, the second would be for the 30 million, the third would be for all the power, and the fourth would be to set aside one month each year to have an extended 31-day orgasm, to be brought out slowly by Rosanna Arquette and that model Paulina-somebody, I can't think of her name. Of course my lovely wife can come too and she's behind me one hundred percent here, I guarantee it. Wait a minute, maybe the sex thing should be the first wish, so if I made that the first wish, because it could all go boom tomorrow, then what do you got, y'know? No, no, the kids, the kids singing would be great, that would be nice. But wait a minute, who am I kidding? They're not going to be able to get all those kids together. I mean, the logistics of the thing is impossible, more trouble than it's worth! So -- we reorganize! Here we go. First, the sex thing. We go with that. Second, the money. No, we got with the power second, then the money. And then the kids. Oh wait, oh jeez, I forgot about revenge against my enemies! Okay, I need revenge against all my enemies, they should die like pigs in hell! That would be my fourth wish. And, of course, my fifth wish would be for all the children of the world to join hands and sing together in the spirit of harmony and peace. Thank you everybody and Merry Christmas.