scotty

The idea for this thread originates from a great series of jokes written by Drew Carey in his "Dirty Jokes and Beer" book and a (hopefully) photo-shopped pic I just saw in Nonsense.

Carey's got a whole chapter called 101 Big-Dick Jokes basically comprised of ones that he and his buddies have come up with - all follow the pattern "My dick is so big that....." (Similar to the "Yo mamma's so fat..." jokes). Thought it might be a good idea for a thread to see how much wit we have out there in the masses.

I'll give you a couple to get started and post more later as I have time - let's see what you've got:


My dick is so big, there's still snow on it in the summertime.

My dick is so big, ships use it to find their way into the harbour.

My dick takes longer lunches than I do.

My dick is so big it was once overthrown by a military coup. It's now known as the Democratic Republic of My Dick.

My dick is so big, it won't return Spielberg's calls.

My dick hit .370 in the minors before it hurt its knee.

soopafreek

(i'll put the one i posted on fark when they did this...)

my dick is so big, it's got its own agent and publicist.

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aaarrrrrgggghhhh!!!!

H12

This makes me laugh.


My dick is so big, I use it for mid-day shade.

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"We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, therefore, is not an act, but a habit."
--Aristotle

Slauncha Man

Finally a thread I can identify with…

My dick is so big, my dick has its own dick, and even my dick's dick is bigger than your dick.

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-Slauncha

Crack

That's what my wife says... hmmm... I think it was a crack a me though...

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Crack, you and I are long overdue for a vicious bout of mansex.

~Halx

sillygirl

CP, I just hafta say this... I LOVE YOUR AVATAR!!

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Anyone can be passionate, but it takes real lovers to be silly-Rose Franken
....absence makes me miss him more...

CSflim

http://www.tfproject.org/tfp/showthr...threadid=26988

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japhyryder

My dick is so big, Bush declared it a weapon of mass destruction.

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It's only entertainment, someone's sick idea of a joke.

TheBrit

My dick is so big, Bush declared it a weapon of mass distraction.

Date the Banana

My dick is so big I pee sitting in the living room, and I use it to flush.

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all work and no play make Date something something

Crack

Wow, you guys should sword fight!

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Crack, you and I are long overdue for a vicious bout of mansex.

~Halx

japhyryder

My dick is so big I use a garbage can as a condom

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It's only entertainment, someone's sick idea of a joke.

scotty

Well done, Slauncha Man - lol.

Some more from Carey:

My dick is so big, I went to the Viper Room and my dick got right in. I had to stand there and argue with the doorman.

My dick is so big, I have to call it Mr. Dick in front of company.

My dick is so big, clowns climb out of it when I cum.

My dick is so big, I entered it in a big dick contest and it came in first, second, and third.

My dick is so big, Henry Aaron used it to hit his 750th home run.

My dick is the Walrus, koo koo ga joob. (One of my personal favourites)

carrot glace

my dick is so big, its a national monument

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"blaine is a pain and that is the truth"

Crack

Thanks!

I wish I could say the same about yours... but as far as naked guys go... I guess that one is pretty good... ... .. this is just a no win situtation here...

__________________
Crack, you and I are long overdue for a vicious bout of mansex.

~Halx

zxello

My Dick is so big, it drains the blood out of YOUR head!

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Old signature just wasn't doing it for me anymore, so now I have this new one. It's equally as stupid but at least it looks really long. I'm probably just going to keep typing until I run out of things to babble about and see how many people actually read this. I once ran down a hill, fell down and hurt my elbow; my mom said I would be ok, she kissed it and made it all better. I've run out of things to say now, so if you have read this whole thing, congratulations you get a gold star!

bparker805

My dick is so big that I dont even need a tv remote

icy_ca

My dick is so big popcorn at the movies comes in four sizes, small medium, large and my dick.

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After all is said and done,
more is said than done.

Sion

my dick is so big, I can fuck a black hole.

my dick is so big, it gives the Washington Monument feelings of inadequacy.

my dick is so big, I have to make an appointment with its secretary if I want to jerk off.

my dick is so big, I can fuck elevator shafts.

my dick is so big, it was invovled in the Big Bang.

my dick is so big, its cult of worshippers is now the 3rd largest religion on the planet.

my dick is so big, Bill Gates named Longhorn after it.

my dick is so big, it affects the tides.

my dick is so big, it has its own moon. (two of them, actually)

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He's the best, of course, of all the worst.
Some wrong been done, he done it first. -fz

I jus' want ta thank you...falettinme...be mice elf...agin...

japhyryder

My Dick is so big, I lost a leg and didn't even notice it.


My Richard is so big, it gets mad when I call it Dick


My Dick is so big, I got arrested for carrying a concealed weapon

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It's only entertainment, someone's sick idea of a joke.

yogrill

My dick is so big they have three sizes at the movie theatre, small,medium, large and my dick.

sillygirl

Uh.. yeah.. wow.

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Anyone can be passionate, but it takes real lovers to be silly-Rose Franken
....absence makes me miss him more...

Crack

MY DICK IS SO BIG, THERE IS A LAW ON THE BOOKS THAT WHENEVER YOU WRITE ABOUT MY DICK THAT YOU MUST TYPE IN ALL CAPS.

MY DICK IS SO BIG THAT IT HAS 3 SMALLER DICK ORBITING AROUND IT.

__________________
Crack, you and I are long overdue for a vicious bout of mansex.

~Halx

assilem

My dick is so big, I'm listed as an organ donor twice on my driver's license.

__________________
The mother of mankind, what time his pride
Had cast him out from Heaven, with all his host
Of rebel Angels

Sion

My dick is so big, I can call John Holmes "peewee".

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He's the best, of course, of all the worst.
Some wrong been done, he done it first. -fz

I jus' want ta thank you...falettinme...be mice elf...agin...

clavus

My dick is so big, Halx looks at it and says, "That's a big dick."

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Ass, gas or grass. Nobody rides for free.

sillygirl

OMGROFLMFAO

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Anyone can be passionate, but it takes real lovers to be silly-Rose Franken
....absence makes me miss him more...

Jackebear

My dick is so big, my dick has its own dick, and even my dick's dick is bigger than your dick.



They are all great.

My dick is so big that it's...no, its not that big. Damn.

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Life's jounney is not to arrive at the grave safely in a well-preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, totally worn-out shouting, "Holy sh*t! What a ride!" - unknown

Jackebear

I was quoting Slauncha Man.

I don't know why it didn't highlight.

Funny stuff..great thread.

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Life's jounney is not to arrive at the grave safely in a well-preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, totally worn-out shouting, "Holy sh*t! What a ride!" - unknown

Grimlok

My Dick is so big... even the biggest ant in the anthill is jealous.

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Your future looks very very grim!

bluearmy

My dick is so big...I won a silver medal pole vaulting, if id had an erection it would have been gold.

japhyryder

My Dick is so big, they used it as a stunt double in the movie Anacondria


My Dick is so big, women run in terror


My Dick is so big, don't ask about the size of my balls


My Dick is so big, an elephant is tight


My Dick is so big, it has it's own weight set.

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It's only entertainment, someone's sick idea of a joke.

Sion

My dick is so big, it IS a weight set.

__________________
He's the best, of course, of all the worst.
Some wrong been done, he done it first. -fz

I jus' want ta thank you...falettinme...be mice elf...agin...

Crack

MY DICK IS SO BIG, I ONCE HAD SEX WITH A DUNKEN DOUGHNUTS BILLBOARD AND RUINED IT FOR OTHER LARGE DICKS!

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Crack, you and I are long overdue for a vicious bout of mansex.

~Halx

bparker805

My dick is so big that every time I move I have to register it with the local law enforcement as a concealed weapon.

BonesCPA

The only two things that can be seen from space is the Great Wall of China, and my dick.

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Back into hibernation.

bparker805

My dick is so big that I made King Kong go crying back to the jungle...

assilem

My dick is so big that when I fuck the Chunnel in Paris the rain in London gets my tip wet.

__________________
The mother of mankind, what time his pride
Had cast him out from Heaven, with all his host
Of rebel Angels

bparker805

My dick is so big, I can tell you the temperature of the outer atmosphere.

Sion

My dick is so big, when the gods play baseball, it is the bat.

__________________
He's the best, of course, of all the worst.
Some wrong been done, he done it first. -fz

I jus' want ta thank you...falettinme...be mice elf...agin...