25 Things You'll Never Hear in The South
 

1. Let's wash the car.

2. Has anybody seen the sideburn trimmer?

3. Come to think of it, I'll have a Heineken.

4. You can't feed that to the dog.

5. Yes, you may borrow my Vonnegut.

6. No kids in the back of the pickup!

7. Wrasslin's fake.

8. That Civil War documentary was excellent.

9. That aroma? I'm baking fresh bagels.

10. I've got a problem with people who still fly the Confederate flag.

11. Here are my keys, I'm too drunk to drive.

12. Baby... Those jeans are too tight.

13. Don't tie it on top of the car.

14. Give me the small bag of pork rinds.

15. Trim the fat off that steak.

16. Why'd you cut the sleeves off your t-shirt?

17. Don't spray primer there...

18. Put that dog on a leash!

19. New York City's an ideal place to vacation.

20. My mobile home is clean AND storm proof.

21. Those shorts ought to be a little longer, Darla.

22. I wouldn't drive an American make if you paid me.

23. I ain't riding with you unless both headlights work.

24. It's January, take the Christmas lights down.

25. Checkmate!

absolutely true, every bit of it.

so true! native southerner here

"Checkmate!" That's the best one!

Old times there are not forgotten!

I don't know whether to laugh or cry seeing as I'm sittin in the South.

#26. I can't have sex with her, she's my cousin.

#27. The last 4 words in the Star Spangled Banner; Gentlemen,start your engine's.

#28 Hell no, we aint goin' ta Vegas ta git married, that place's tacky.

#29 Like my new Lexus?

#30 Boar skins ain't for hangin' on stop signs - (I seen it done)

#31 It ain't fair to shoot the Deer when it's in the headlights.

#32 Why sure I'll remove the shotgun from my rear window rack.

heheh, good ones

33. I'll take Classic English Literature for 400, Alex.

34. Honey, that faster driver behind me wants to get by, so I'll just pull over and let him.

hahaha....geez, it was good to see a native southerner even laugh at this one. good stuff!

very funny. thanks