Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community (https://thetfp.com/tfp/)
-   Tilted Humor (https://thetfp.com/tfp/tilted-humor/)
-   -   things you learn from the movies (https://thetfp.com/tfp/tilted-humor/48831-things-you-learn-movies.html)

Karby 03-12-2004 06:00 PM

things you learn from the movies
 
i don't know if this has been posted here already, but i tried every possible search word i could think of and didn't find anything.

--------------------------------------------------------
During all police investigations it will be necessary to visit a strip club at least once

When they are alone all foreigners prefer to speak English to each other

If being chased through town, you can usually take cover in a passing St Patricks Day parade -- at any time of the year

All beds have a special L-shaped cover sheet that reach up to the armpit level on a woman, but only to the waist level on a man lying beside her

The chief of police will almost always suspend his star detective-- or give him 48 hours to complete the job

All grocery bags contain at least one French bread

The ventilation system of any building is the perfect hiding place-- no one will ever think of looking for you in there, and you can travel to any other part of the building undetected

Police departments give ther officers personality tests to make sure they are deliberately assigned to partner who is their polar opposite

The Eiffel Tower can be seen from any window in Paris

All bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices with large red readouts so you know exactly when they are going to go off

You are very likely to survive any battle in any war unless you make the mistake of showing someone a picture of your sweetheart back home

Should you wish to pass yourself off as a German officer, it will not be necessary to speak the language-- simply having a German accent will do

A man will show no pain while taking the most ferocious beating, but will wince when a woman tries to clean his wounds

Kitchen don't have light switches. When entering a kitchen at night, you should open the fridge door and use that light instead

If staying in a haunted house, women should investigate any strange noises in their most revealing clothing

Cars that crash will almost always burst into flames

Mediaeval peasants had perfect teeth

Any person waking from a nightmare will sit bolt upright and pant

Even when driving down a perfectly strait road, it is necessary to turn the wheel vigorously from left to right every few moments

It is always possible to park directly in front of the building you are visiting

A detective can only solve a case once he has been suspended of his duty

It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involving martial arts-- your enemies will patiently attack you one on one by dancing around in a threatening manner until you have knocked out their predecessors

No one ever involved in a car chase, hijacking, explosion, volcanic eruption or alien invasion will ever go into shock

Any lock van be picked by a credit card or a paper clip in seconds-- unless its a door to a burning building with children trapped inside

Television news bulletins usually contain a story that affects you personally at the precise moment that it is aired

slimshaydee 03-12-2004 06:52 PM

lmao, it's all so true

KellyC 03-12-2004 07:11 PM

OH yeah. Very nice :thumbsup:

mastboyx 03-13-2004 12:27 AM

hahahaha yeah its true!! it must be!

BoomTruck 03-13-2004 07:49 PM

You forgot that a bulletproof vest on a good guy will stop a .300 Winchester Magnum, but a 9mm will hit a bad guy with the force of an anti-tank round. :p

sinjien 03-13-2004 09:46 PM

That list was awesome. I cant even count how many movies popped into my mind just now. And 'BoomTruck's addition was pretty damn funny too.

loganmule 03-13-2004 10:32 PM

pretty accurate and comprehensive list...a reminder to check any sense of reality at the door before going in to the movie, but as long as it entertains, what the hell

fizzledorf 03-15-2004 03:52 AM

those are great! movies are so educational...

Bill O'Rights 03-15-2004 05:24 AM

A six shot revolver is capable of firing up to 38 shots, without reloading, before the hero comes face to face with the bad guy. Then, and only then, will the hammer fall on a spent round, making that "click" sound.

fatboss 03-15-2004 06:20 AM

Everyone else can fire up to 3,000 rounds, but the only shots that actually do any damage or wound anyone are always fired by the leading actors.

Unless they're in the A-Team that is !!!!!!!!!

losthellhound 03-17-2004 01:41 PM

- all bad guys smoke
- the leitenant is always crooked, and the captain is not, but the mayor is always breathing down his neck
- terrorists always have siblings that are trained for revenge
- strippers have hearts of gold, and cute kids
- the autistic kid / old bum / crazy cat lady, saw the crime

shakran 03-17-2004 01:49 PM

- Firearms have magic clips full of unlimited ammunition.

- Those magic clips have a Convience Monitor, which disables the ammunition replinishment at the most inconvenient time.

- Explosions will not hurt you as long as you leap forward at the precise moment the explosion takes place.

- All good guys have ExplosiTimer implants which enable them to know the exact moment to jump away from the explosion.

- The internet is always at least 20 years more advanced in any given movie than in real life.

- Tapping 7 keys on a computer keyboard results in the input of 5 lines of text.

Lunchbox7 03-17-2004 08:12 PM

A girl running away from a guy in a mask will pick up a big stick and hit him but when the bad guy goes down she will drop the stick and continue running histerically.

The main bad guy in a martial arts movie is invincible until the hero makes his comeback from near death. At that stage even the most pussy hit will do devastating damage.

The main bad guy in a martial arts movie will have perfect technique under the most stressfull time but after the hero makes his post comeback arse whipping he abbandons everything for a screaming running charge.

The female love interest has to be useless but may either be the damsel in distress or a stroppy femanist.

The hero can be getting his arse kicked by 5 guys but still able to stop the 1 guy chasing after the love interest.

During a dance everyone miraculously knows the same moves though it is a spontaneous dance.

Any car that is being overtaken by a cyclist can still make screechy noises during a chase.

small one 03-18-2004 02:24 AM

All perfectly true

shakran 03-18-2004 06:46 AM

oh! forgot one. Movie tires will squeal on dirt and gravel.

aarchaon 03-18-2004 11:46 PM

These are all so true.


All times are GMT -8. The time now is 07:13 AM.

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.7
Copyright ©2000 - 2025, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Search Engine Optimization by vBSEO 3.6.0 PL2
© 2002-2012 Tilted Forum Project


1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40 41 42 43 44 45 46 47 48 49 50 51 52 53 54 55 56 57 58 59 60 61 62 63 64 65 66 67 68 69 70 71 72 73 74 75 76 77 78 79 80 81 82 83 84 85 86 87 88 89 90 91 92 93 94 95 96 97 98 99 100 101 102 103 104 105 106 107 108 109 110 111 112 113 114 115 116 117 118 119 120 121 122 123 124 125 126 127 128 129 130 131 132 133 134 135 136 137 138 139 140 141 142 143 144 145 146 147 148 149 150 151 152 153 154 155 156 157 158 159 160 161 162 163 164 165 166 167 168 169 170 171 172 173 174 175 176 177 178 179 180 181 182 183 184 185 186 187 188 189 190 191 192 193 194 195 196 197 198 199 200 201 202 203 204 205 206 207 208 209 210 211 212 213 214 215 216 217 218 219 220 221 222 223 224 225 226 227 228 229 230 231 232 233 234 235 236 237 238 239 240 241 242 243 244 245 246 247 248 249 250 251 252 253 254 255 256 257 258 259 260 261 262 263 264 265 266 267 268 269 270 271 272 273 274 275 276 277 278 279 280 281 282 283 284 285 286 287 288 289 290 291 292 293 294 295 296 297 298 299 300 301 302 303 304 305 306 307 308 309 310 311 312 313 314 315 316 317 318 319 320 321 322 323 324 325 326 327 328 329 330 331 332 333 334 335 336 337 338 339 340 341 342 343 344 345 346 347 348 349 350 351 352 353 354 355 356 357 358 359 360