|
02-06-2004, 12:58 AM
|
#1 (permalink) |
|
Insane
Location: One with the Universe
|
Bible verses -- not for the narrow minded
Quoted from Robert Anton Wilson's page at www.rawilson.com
Dr. Laura Schlessinger is a U.S. radio personality who dispenses advice to people who call in to her radio show. Recently, she said that, as an observant Orthodox Jew, homosexuality is an abomination according to Leviticus 18:22, and cannot be condoned under any circumstance. Dear Dr. Laura: Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God's Law. I have learned a great deal from your show, and try to share that knowledge with as many people as I can. When someone tries to defend the homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind them that Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be an abomination. End of debate. I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some of the other specific Bible laws and how to follow them: 1. When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odor for the Lord - Lev.1:9. The problem is my neighbors. They claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them? 2. I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her? 3. I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of menstrual uncleanliness - Lev.15:19- 24. The problem is, how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offense. 4. Lev. 25:44 states that I may indeed possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you clarify? Why can't I own Canadians? 5. I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2 clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself? 6. A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an abomination - Lev. 11:10, it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality? I don't agree. Can you settle this? 7. Lev. 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle room here? 8. Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev. 19:27. How should they die? 9. I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves? 10. My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev. 19:19 by planting two different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them? - Lev.24:10-16. Couldn't we just burn them to death at a private family affair like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws? (Lev. 20:14)? I know you have studied these things extensively, so I am confident you can help. Thank you again for reminding us that God's word is eternal and unchanging.
__________________
If I could be anyone in the world I would be Britney Spears. Shes in so many commercials about pepsi... www.ximcity.com Last edited by xim; 02-07-2004 at 08:07 AM.. |
|
|
02-06-2004, 06:26 AM
|
#4 (permalink) |
|
Getting it.
Super Moderator
Location: Lion City
|
A repost but worthy of another look... it just shows how ridiculous it is to take the bible at face value... It was written by another people in a time long ago for a whole set of circumtances that just don't apply today.
__________________
"My hands are on fire. Hands are on fire. Ain't got no more time for all you charlatans and liars." - Old Man Luedecke |
|
|
|
02-07-2004, 12:11 AM
|
#10 (permalink) |
|
Comment or else!!
Location: Home sweet home
|
Ok...*try to stop from outbursts of laughing* this is by far the BEST bible joke I'v read ever. *continues laughing*
*stomach hurts from laughing*
__________________
Him: Ok, I have to ask, what do you believe? Me: Shit happens. |
|
|
|
02-07-2004, 08:06 AM
|
#11 (permalink) | |
|
Insane
Location: One with the Universe
|
Quote:
__________________
If I could be anyone in the world I would be Britney Spears. Shes in so many commercials about pepsi... www.ximcity.com |
|
|
|
|
02-07-2004, 04:03 PM
|
#12 (permalink) |
|
giddy
|
...
A few of those sound exactly like what Martin Sheen's character said on an early West Wing episode to a (temp) female character who must have been based on Dr Laura. (The chick eating crab puffs who didn't stand up when the President entered the room). Anyone else know that episode?
__________________
I like these calm little moments before the storm. It reminds me of Beethoven. Can you hear it? It's like when you put your head to the grass and you can hear the growin' and you can hear the insects. Do you like Beethoven ? Last edited by MovieNut; 03-13-2004 at 08:37 PM.. |
|
|
|
02-07-2004, 04:11 PM
|
#13 (permalink) | |
|
Submit to me, you know you want to
Location: Lilburn, Ga
|
Quote:
__________________
I want the diabetic plan that comes with rollover carbs. I dont like the unused one expiring at midnite!! |
|
|
|
|
02-13-2004, 04:55 PM
|
#20 (permalink) | |
|
Psycho
Location: that place with the thing
|
Quote:
__________________
I'll be the one to protect you from your enemies and all your demons. I'll be the one to protect you from a will to survive and voice of reason. I'll be the one to protect you from your enemies and your choices, son. They're one and the same I must isolate you, isolate and save you from yourself." - A Perfect Circle |
|
|
|
|
02-13-2004, 10:35 PM
|
#21 (permalink) |
|
Omnipotent Ruler Of The Tiny Universe In My Mind
Location: Oreegawn
|
Good letter, i've read it before. Pretty reassuring.
__________________
Words of Wisdom: If you could really get to know someone and know that they weren't lying to you, then you would know the world was real. Because you could agree on things, you could compare notes. That must be why people get married or make Art. So they'll be able to really know something and not go insane. |
|
|
|
02-14-2004, 08:37 AM
|
#25 (permalink) |
|
Tilted
Location: Washington
|
The dialogue in that West Wing episode is based on this letter.
"I have tried asking, but most women take offense." Hahahahaha
__________________
It is the mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it. -Aristotle |
|
|
| Tags |
| bible, fundementalists, minded, narrow, verses |
|
|
