I Want A Raise - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

Hanxter · 12-06-2003, 11:53 AM

I, the Penis, hereby request a raise in salary for the following
reasons:

I do physical labor.

I work at great depths.

I plunge head first into everything I do.

I do not get weekends or public holidays off.

I work in a damp environment.

I work in a dark workplace that has poor ventilation.

I work in high temperatures.

My work exposes me to contagious diseases.

Dear Penis,

After assessing your request, and considering the arguments you have raised, the administration rejects your request for the following reasons:

You do not work 8 hours straight.

You fall asleep after brief work periods.

You do not always follow the orders of the management team.

You do not stay in your designated area and are often seen visiting other locations.

You do not take initiative--you need to be pressured and stimulated in order to start working.

You leave the workplace rather messy at the end of your shift.

You don't always observe necessary safety regulations, such as wearing the correct protective clothing.

You will retire well before you are 65.

You are unable to work double shifts.

You sometimes leave your designated work area before you have completed the assigned task.

And if all this is not enough, you have been seen constantly entering and exiting the work place carrying two suspicious-looking bags.

Sincerely,
The Management

Evil Milkman · 12-06-2003, 12:47 PM

Quote:

And if all this is not enough, you have been seen constantly entering and exiting the work place carrying two suspicious-looking bags.

That caught me off guard! Great joke!

Starfish · 12-06-2003, 01:02 PM

That was a funny one.... Thanks man you've made my day

hey if you look at my quote you will find that i have a penis joke too.... lol

Keg-o-Grog · 12-06-2003, 05:17 PM

weeee.

Gortexfogg · 12-07-2003, 08:08 AM

Hilarious!

tommy thompson · 12-07-2003, 10:34 AM

Now that is precious. Too bad this is a template on which most supervisors (usually less educated and receive more pay that their team) will use to deny raises. I look forward to seeing this as the new company "you don't get a raise because" schtick. Nevertheless, this was SUPERB!!

~tommy

telekinetic2 · 12-07-2003, 09:00 PM

suspicious looking bags.

lol.

Stare At The Sun · 12-07-2003, 09:47 PM

Great stuff, seriously good joke!

KellyC · 12-08-2003, 02:06 AM

the guy who think of this joke is really really gosh darn clever...i applaud you!!

MexicanOnABike · 01-06-2004, 12:45 PM

hrhrhrrhheehhehehe... good one!

kopfschuss · 01-06-2004, 08:52 PM

Oh man, the pair of suspicious looking bags threw me off guard. i love it. Thanks for sharing

Brewmaniac · 01-07-2004, 05:26 AM

Very funny & clever! Thanks

Bobdoler · 01-07-2004, 11:00 AM

thats a good one

blaze · 01-07-2004, 02:23 PM

Quote:

You will retire well before you are 65.

Hahaha that's my favorite.

Geat joke!

loganmule · 01-07-2004, 07:45 PM

sounds like a lot of management/labor disputes

cchris · 01-08-2004, 12:13 AM

You fall asleep after brief work periods.

Oh no thats me. wahhaahahaha

bravo49 · 01-08-2004, 02:25 AM

Very clever and well thought out

viper11885 · 01-08-2004, 01:01 PM

Saw that one a while ago. Still funny to read it again though. Thanks for posting it.

Kllr Wolf · 01-15-2004, 10:57 PM

that was creative. I like it

bluearmy · 01-16-2004, 07:00 AM

I have just returned home from a course studying employment law, I would have taken this with me had I known about it. Would have made a great case study!

hotzot · 01-16-2004, 08:29 AM

the last one gave me a chuckle.

Mavric98 · 01-21-2004, 03:22 AM

Never really of the penis' work in that way before. Very funny

lrsurfer · 01-27-2004, 02:20 PM

funny stuff there u say

VF19 · 01-27-2004, 06:44 PM

hehe funny esp. the last one

clifclav · 01-30-2004, 06:22 AM

hehehe. good ones.

Silverbrain · 01-30-2004, 08:21 AM

Funny stuff thanks!

macmanmike6100 · 01-30-2004, 12:50 PM

lol this one is being saved to my archives!

indiretto · 01-30-2004, 11:32 PM

Ha ha... very funny, I got a good laugh out of it.

Dukeman330 · 01-31-2004, 01:49 PM

hehe... that's a good one

12-06-2003, 11:53 AM	#1 (permalink)
Hanxter The Griffin	I Want A Raise I, the Penis, hereby request a raise in salary for the following reasons: I do physical labor. I work at great depths. I plunge head first into everything I do. I do not get weekends or public holidays off. I work in a damp environment. I work in a dark workplace that has poor ventilation. I work in high temperatures. My work exposes me to contagious diseases. Dear Penis, After assessing your request, and considering the arguments you have raised, the administration rejects your request for the following reasons: You do not work 8 hours straight. You fall asleep after brief work periods. You do not always follow the orders of the management team. You do not stay in your designated area and are often seen visiting other locations. You do not take initiative--you need to be pressured and stimulated in order to start working. You leave the workplace rather messy at the end of your shift. You don't always observe necessary safety regulations, such as wearing the correct protective clothing. You will retire well before you are 65. You are unable to work double shifts. You sometimes leave your designated work area before you have completed the assigned task. And if all this is not enough, you have been seen constantly entering and exiting the work place carrying two suspicious-looking bags. Sincerely, The Management

12-06-2003, 01:02 PM	#3 (permalink)
Starfish Tilted Location: Illnois	That was a funny one.... Thanks man you've made my day hey if you look at my quote you will find that i have a penis joke too.... lol __________________ Evil Milkman: "So I wonder what it would taste like now?" Me: "Like a big floppy penis that hasn't been washed in a couple days." Last edited by Starfish; 12-06-2003 at 01:05 PM..

12-06-2003, 05:17 PM	#4 (permalink)
Keg-o-Grog Insane Location: Foregin student in Texas atm.	weeee. __________________ I stand alone without beliefs, the only truth i know is you.

12-07-2003, 10:34 AM	#6 (permalink)
tommy thompson Psycho	Now that is precious. Too bad this is a template on which most supervisors (usually less educated and receive more pay that their team) will use to deny raises. I look forward to seeing this as the new company "you don't get a raise because" schtick. Nevertheless, this was SUPERB!! ~tommy __________________ ...a wandering soul...

12-08-2003, 02:06 AM	#9 (permalink)
KellyC Comment or else!! Location: Home sweet home	the guy who think of this joke is really really gosh darn clever...i applaud you!! __________________ Him: Ok, I have to ask, what do you believe? Me: Shit happens.

12-07-2003, 08:08 AM	#5 (permalink)
Gortexfogg I and I Location: Stillwater, OK	Hilarious!

12-07-2003, 09:00 PM	#7 (permalink)
telekinetic2 Loser	suspicious looking bags. lol.

12-07-2003, 09:47 PM	#8 (permalink)
Stare At The Sun Eh? Location: Somewhere over the rainbow	Great stuff, seriously good joke!

01-06-2004, 12:45 PM	#10 (permalink)
MexicanOnABike Location: up north	hrhrhrrhheehhehehe... good one! __________________ - Movie Reviews - Ratings-

01-06-2004, 08:52 PM	#11 (permalink)
kopfschuss Upright Location: Birch Bay (AKA Birch Gay)	Oh man, the pair of suspicious looking bags threw me off guard. i love it. Thanks for sharing __________________ ..«•´`•.(•.¸(`•.¸ ¸.•´)¸.•).•´`•» ... «•´¨•.¸¸. Kopfschuss .¸¸.•¨`•» ..«•´`•.(¸.•´(¸.•* *•.¸)`•.¸).•´`•» ... Intarweb married to Labyrinth

01-07-2004, 05:26 AM	#12 (permalink)
Brewmaniac Searching for the perfect brew!	Very funny & clever! Thanks __________________ "That's a joke... I say, that's a joke, son"

01-07-2004, 11:00 AM	#13 (permalink)
Bobdoler Crazy	thats a good one __________________ woot

01-07-2004, 07:45 PM	#15 (permalink)
loganmule Junkie Location: midwest	sounds like a lot of management/labor disputes

01-08-2004, 12:13 AM	#16 (permalink)
cchris Junkie Location: Sydney	You fall asleep after brief work periods. Oh no thats me. wahhaahahaha __________________ There's a fine line between participation and mockery

01-08-2004, 02:25 AM	#17 (permalink)
bravo49 Junkie Location: chocolate city	Very clever and well thought out

01-15-2004, 10:57 PM	#19 (permalink)
Kllr Wolf Psycho Location: Lubbock, TX	that was creative. I like it __________________ Caffeine - the molecule of life.

01-16-2004, 08:29 AM	#21 (permalink)
hotzot We're having potato pancakes! Location: stalag 13	the last one gave me a chuckle. __________________ The Bully Boys are here!

01-27-2004, 02:20 PM	#23 (permalink)
lrsurfer Banned	funny stuff there u say

01-27-2004, 06:44 PM	#24 (permalink)
VF19 Banned Location: back to my old location	hehe funny esp. the last one

01-08-2004, 01:01 PM	#18 (permalink)
viper11885 Insane	Saw that one a while ago. Still funny to read it again though. Thanks for posting it.

01-16-2004, 07:00 AM	#20 (permalink)
bluearmy Insane Location: uk	I have just returned home from a course studying employment law, I would have taken this with me had I known about it. Would have made a great case study!

01-21-2004, 03:22 AM	#22 (permalink)
Mavric98 Tilted Location: I am not living.	Never really of the penis' work in that way before. Very funny __________________ "Hope is for people that don't stand a chance."

01-30-2004, 06:22 AM	#25 (permalink)
clifclav absolute relativist Location: D.C.	hehehe. good ones. __________________ Neither rain , nor cold, nor dark of night shall.......ahh whatever, just get me a beer!

01-30-2004, 08:21 AM	#26 (permalink)
Silverbrain Addict Location: Nor Cal	Funny stuff thanks! __________________ Over Thinking, Over Analyzing Seperates the Body from the Mind - MJK

01-30-2004, 12:50 PM	#27 (permalink)
macmanmike6100 High Honorary Junkie Location: Tri-state.	lol this one is being saved to my archives!

01-30-2004, 11:32 PM	#28 (permalink)
indiretto Tilted Location: USA, Oregon	Ha ha... very funny, I got a good laugh out of it. __________________ Happy Tree Friends... It’s more fun than a stick.

01-31-2004, 01:49 PM	#29 (permalink)
Dukeman330 Insane	hehe... that's a good one