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-   -   If only. (https://thetfp.com/tfp/tilted-humor/37599-if-only.html)

cchris 11-30-2003 10:59 AM

If only.
 
A guy is walking along the strip in Las Vegas and a knockout hooker catches his eye. He strikes up a conversation and eventually asks the hooker, "How much?" Hooker replies, "It starts at $500 for a hand-job." Guy says, "$500 dollars! For a hand-job! No hand-job is worth that kind of money!"

The hooker says, "Do you see that Denny's on the corner?" "Yes." "Do you see the Denny's about a block further down?" "Yes." "And beyond that, do you see that third Denny's?" "Yes." "Well," says the hooker, smiling invitingly, "I own those. And, I own them because I give a hand-job that's worth $500."

Guy says, "What the hell? I'll give it a try." They retire to a nearby motel. A short time later, the guy is sitting on the bed realising that he just experienced the hand-job of a lifetime, worth every bit of $500.

He is so amazed, he says, "I suppose a blow-job is $1,000?" The hooker replies, "$1,500." "$1,500!? No blow-job could be worth that". The hooker replies, "Step over here to the window, big boy. Do you see that casino just across the street? I own that casino outright. And I own it because I give a blow-job that's worth every cent of $1,500."

The guy, basking in the afterglow of that terrific hand-job, says, "Sign me up." Ten minutes later, he is sitting on the bed more amazed than before. He can scarcely believe it but he feels he truly got his money's worth. He decides to dip into the retirement savings for one glorious and unforgettable experience.

He asks the hooker, "How much for some pussy?" The hooker says, "Come over here to the window. Do you see how the whole city of Las Vega s is laid out before us, all those beautiful lights, gambling palaces and showplaces?" "Damn!" the guy says, in awe, "You own the whole city?" "No," the hooker replies, "but I would if I had a pussy..."

tommy thompson 11-30-2003 02:29 PM

.....
 
OMG! Now that would make me queasy...


~tommy

drag0nmanes 11-30-2003 03:10 PM

now that's an experience in Vegas I'd really like to forget.

Tiger69z 11-30-2003 05:44 PM

Omfg....EEEEEWWWWWW

EEEPPPP!!

RUN AWAY!

Dilbert1234567 11-30-2003 08:40 PM

ewwww

Evil Milkman 11-30-2003 09:26 PM

Yikes. :o

Marburg 11-30-2003 10:39 PM

heh
that's pretty clever.

Regziever 11-30-2003 11:35 PM

Lmao!! Man that was unexpected.. good one!!!

Silverbrain 12-01-2003 02:49 PM

ok, yuck with a capital Y

Batman976 12-01-2003 03:15 PM

Ha! I need to remember to tell this one to my buddies at the bar. They'd probably get a kick out of it. I wasn't expecting that ending.

Laladien 12-02-2003 12:13 AM

Ack...
Heh

moose 12-02-2003 12:27 AM

:lol: that was "interesting"

greenboy3 12-02-2003 12:40 AM

great ending to a great joke. That would be one thing I definetly would want to leave in Las Vegas

bravo49 12-02-2003 01:48 AM

That had me guessing all the way to the end

KellyC 12-03-2003 02:02 AM

lets just hope she dont have a penis either (so she pees the same way she shit). LOL!!!

mvassek 12-04-2003 12:02 PM

That was a good one but it was WRONG!!!!

I definitely did not see that coming!

someoneelse 12-04-2003 12:13 PM

HAHAHAH!!!~!!!!!
if that was me..i'll beat that hooker and take the money back!

Nation 12-04-2003 06:25 PM

Heh heh. That's hilarious.

Brewmaniac 12-05-2003 11:28 AM

Sick! Just sick!

Eviltree 12-05-2003 08:18 PM

yech.. funny joke... but yech..

Akira 12-05-2003 08:23 PM

thats just wrong. Funny though, hope that never happens to me.

MexicanOnABike 12-05-2003 08:47 PM

ahahahaha!
scary!

tekaweni 12-06-2003 03:15 AM

now THAT was unexpected - brilliant!!

Shpoop 12-06-2003 07:26 AM

GREAT joke!

Stare At The Sun 12-07-2003 10:44 AM

LMAO Good stuff :)

pazza 12-08-2003 04:59 AM

lol, that joke will serve well as a warning if i ever go to las vegas

prb 12-08-2003 10:11 AM

I will never forget that joke. And I will repeat it so others never forget.

sartan 12-25-2003 07:26 PM

Nice, a little upsetting but funny.


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