You might be a redneck if.....
 

A significant portion of your income is spent on table dances.

This is a repost of a longer and much more in-depth joke.

It would be funnier if you posted the whole thing, rather than just a part of it.

Actualy, it was on my redneck of the day calendar so it's all the list I had.

an old but still oh so funny one:
====
40 things never said by a redneck

40. Oh I just couldn't. Hell, she's only sixteen.

39. I'll take Shakespeare for 1000, Alex.

38. Duct tape won't fix that.

37. Lisa Marie was lucky to catch Michael.

36. Come to think of it, I'll have a Heineken.

35. We don't keep firearms in this house.

34. Has anybody seen the sideburns trimmer?

33. You can't feed that to the dog.

32. I thought Graceland was tacky.

31. No kids in the back of the pickup, it's just not safe.

30. Wrasslin's fake.

29. Honey, did you mail that donation to Greenpeace?

28. We're vegetarians.

27. Do you think my gut is too big?

26. I'll have grapefruit and grapes instead of biscuits and gravy.

25. Honey, we don't need another dog.

24. Who's Richard Petty?

23. Give me the small bag of pork rinds.

22. Too many deer heads detract from the decor.

21. Spittin is such a nasty habit.

20. I just couldn't find a thing at Walmart today.

19. Trim the fat off that steak.

18. Cappuccino tastes better than espresso.

17. The tires on that truck are too big.

16. I'll have the arugula and radicchio salad.

15. I've got it all on the C drive.

14. Unsweetened tea tastes better.

13. Would you like your salmon poached or broiled?

12. My fiance, Bobbie Jo, is registered at Tiffany's.

11. I've got two cases of Zima for the Super Bowl.

10. Little Debbie snack cakes have too many fat grams.

09. Checkmate.

08. She's too young to be wearing a bikini.

07. Does the salad bar have bean sprouts?

06. Hey, here's an episode of "Hee Haw" that we haven't seen.

05. I don't have a favorite college team.

04. Be sure to bring my salad dressing on the side.

03. I believe you cooked those green beans too long.

02. Those shorts ought to be a little longer, Darla.

01. Nope, no more for me. I'm drivin tonight.

another one
Your Church Might Be A Redneck Church If:

- People ask, when Jesus fed 5000, whether the
two fish were bass or catfish, and what bait
was used to catch 'em.

- The pastor says, "I'd like to ask Bubba to
help take up the offering," then five guys
and two women stand up.

- Opening day of deer season is recognized as
an official church holiday.

- A member of the church requests to be buried in
his 4-wheel-drive truck because "It ain't never
been in a hole it couldn't get out of."

- With a congregation of 500 members, there are
only seven last names in the church directory.

- Baptism is referred to as "branding."

- People think "rapture" is what you get when
you lift something too heavy.

Pretty damn funny.

Redneck jokes are hilarious....good ole Jeff Foxworthy

You might be a redneck if you spend time in the sun and fail to cover your neck, that and if you keep a pellet gun handy to shoot rats off the counter in the kitchen to get a beer out of the styrofoam cooler.