Aggie Jokes anyone? - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

feartheraiders6 · 10-12-2003, 07:31 PM

Ok... I know there has to be some UT fans or Texas Tech fans out there... can we get any Aggie jokes going?

here's the latest one i've heard

(after Texas Tech beat A&M 59 - 28)

How do you keep an aggie from masturbating?
Paint his dick red and black so he can't beat it!

The_Dude · 10-12-2003, 10:11 PM

Why do Aggies hate M&Ms?
They're too hard to peel.

Two Aggies go on a fishing trip. They rent all the equipment - the reels, the rods, the wading suits, the rowboat, the car, and even a cabin in the woods.
The first day they go fishing, but they don't catch anything. The same thing happens on the second day, and on the third day. It goes on like this until finally, on the last day of their vacation, one of the men catches a fish.
As they're driving home they're really depressed. One Aggie turns to the other and says, "Do you realize that this one lousy fish we caught cost us fifteen hundred bucks?"
The other Aggie says, "Wow! Then it's a good thing we didn't catch any more!" [From Jershie's Jokes]

What do you call an Aggie after graduation?
Boss. [From Mark, a future Aggie from Henderson, Texas]

There was an Aggie that was down on his luck. In order to raise some money he decided to kidnap a kid and hold him for ransom.
He went to the playground, grabbed a kid, took him behind a tree and told him, "I've kidnapped you."
The Aggie wrote a note saying "I've kidnapped your kid. Tomorrow morning, put $10,000 in a paper bag and put it beneath the pecan tree next to the slide on the north side of the city playground. Signed, An Aggie."
The Aggie then pinned the note to the kid's shirt and sent him home to show it to his parents.
The next morning the Aggie checked, and sure enough a paper bag was sitting beneath that pecan tree. The Aggie opened up the bag and found the $10,000 with a note. The note said, "How could one Aggie do this to another Aggie?" [Thanks to Nikki Ponce]

Did you hear about the aggie that got locked out of his car?
He spent two hours trying to get his wife and kids out! [Thanks to Nikki Ponce]

A Florida State student, a Kansas State student, and an Aggie had all
commited horrendous crimes and were going to be shot. The FSU guy was brought up and blindfolded. The general shouted, "Ready ....... aim..." and the FSU guy yelled, "Huricane!!," everybody ducked, and he ran away free.
Dismayed at losing their first prisioner, the guards brought up the KSU student with renewed vengence. They blindfolded him and the general commanded, "Ready......aim....." and the KSU guy shouted, "Tornado!!" and fearing for their lives, everybody ducked, and he ran away free.
Well, the Aggie has been watching all this and starts thinking, "They all yelled natural disasters and they got away, so I will too." So they brought him up and blinded folded him, the general shouted, "Ready ...... aim...." and the Aggie screamed, "Fire!!" [From Larry]

Did you hear there aren't any cold drinks at College Station any more?
They lost their recipe for ice. [Thanks to Laura, age 15, Baton Rouge]

Alright there was a texan a baylor and a aggie they were hunting the
baylor went and came back with deer longhorn said wow how did you get
that he said I fallowed the tracks boom boom so the longhorn went out
and came back with a bear the aggie said how did you get that he said I
fallowed the tracks boom boom so the aggie went out and came back all
beat up they both said what happened to you I fallowed the railroad
tracks boom boom. [Thanks to 8-year-old Austin from Austin, Texas]

Did you know that there are three types of Aggies?
Those who can count and those who can't. [Walt Crawford]

Two normal guys and an Aggie decide to go to the desert. They each bring one thing.
The first guy brings water so they don't dehydrate.
The second guy brings food so they don't starve to death.
The Aggie says, "I brought a car door so if it gets hot, I can just roll down the window!" [Thanks to Sherwin]

An Aggie, a Baylor Bear, and a Texas Longhorn need some money. So they decide to rob a bank.
They rob the bank and then hear the cops coming, so they hide in the woods.
The Baylor Bear climbs into a tree, and when the cops come by, he shakes the branches and makes bird noises. The cops think it's just some birds, so they go on.
The Longhorn climbs into a tree and shakes the branches, and the cops think it's a squirrel, so they go on.
The Aggie climbs into a tree. The cops hear some rustling and they say, "What was that?"
And the Aggie goes, " Moo! Mooo!" [Sherwin]

How many Aggies did it take to unscrew a light bulb?
1,001. One to hold the bulb and 1,000 to turn the house. [Chacko]

Did you hear about the Aggie at the stop sign? Well, he's still
there. [Thanks to Chacko]

An Aggie had just completed his studies and was awarded a BS Degree in mechanical engineering. He was immediately hired by the Texas highway department.
His job was to paint the yellow stripe down the middle of the highway. After three days, his boss called him in and advised him that he was no longer needed.
When the Aggie inquired as to the reason for his dismissal, the boss replied, "On your first day here, you painted three miles of stripe, which is good. On your second day, you painted two miles; not as good, but still acceptable. Today, you only painted one mile. This is too far below our standards."
The Aggie accepted the explanation, saying on his way out the door, "Well, alright, but I want you to know, it wasn't my fault. The paint can kept getting farther away." [Thanks to Bedford]

How do you get a Texas A & M graduate off your front porch?
You pay for your pizza! [Thanks to Diane in Baton Rouge]

What happened to the Aggie hockey team?
They drowned in spring training.

How do you make a one-armed Aggie fall out of a tree?
Wave. [Thanks to Spencer, age 14, Texas]

What do you get when you line up several Aggies ear to ear and blow?
A wind tunnel. [Thanks to Aliyah]

An Aggie went riding, and everything was going fine until the horse suddenly started bouncing out of control. He tried to hang on, but with a foot caught in the stirrup, he fell off head-first. With his head bouncing up and down, the horse didn't even slow down. And just as the Aggie was giving up hope and losing consciousness, a Kmart employee came out and unplugged it.

Why does the new Aggie navy have glass bottomed boats?
So they can see the old Aggie navy.

Why do Aggies have doormats inside their homes?
So they can wipe their feet before they go out.

How can you tell an Aggie airliner when it's snowing?
They're the ones with chains on the propellers.

How do you sink an Aggie submarine ?
Have a frogman knock on the hatch.

Why do Aggies always smile during lightning storms?
They think their picture is being taken.

A 2-seater plane crashed into a cemetery near College Station. The Aggie fire department uncovered 700 bodies.

Two Aggies were flying across the Atlantic and decided they didn't have enough fuel to make it. So the pilot decided to lighten the load by jettisoning some fuel.

Two Aggies were pulling a large deer through the woods. They came across a longhorn and he said, "Really nice buck you got there, but I think if you pulled him by his horns it would be a lot better than dragging him by his hind legs."
The Aggies tried it and after a while one said "This sure is better. It's a lot smoother over the ground." The other said, "Yeah, but we sure a getting farther away from the truck."

How many Aggies does it take to eat an armadillo?
Three. One to do the eating, and two to watch for cars.

How can you tell when an Aggie sends you a fax?
It has a stamp on it.

Q: Why does the stadium at College Station have Astroturf?
A: To keep the cheerleaders from grazing during halftime.

Two Aggies are driving to Houston. The driver suspects his turn signals aren't working. So he pulls over and asks his passenger to get out and check. So the guy checks and yells to the driver, "No, they're not working. Wait, yes they are. No, they're not. Hold it, yes, they are."

An Aggie is walking down a creek. While he's looking around he notices another Aggie walking along the other side of the creek. He yells to the other Aggie, "Hey, how do I get to the other side?"
The other Aggie says, "You are on the other side!"

prb · 10-13-2003, 07:10 AM

Now that I have 'em, they're Auburn jokes. Thanks.

feartheraiders6 · 10-13-2003, 07:48 AM

I've got to say... that's a pretty impressive set of aggie jokes..

here's one more....

Why do 2/3 of aggie engineering students drop out in the first year?
They find out they don't get to drive a train.

krazykemist · 10-15-2003, 01:49 AM

Great jokes.
The bookstore in College Station across from campus has many volumes of Aggie jokes actually. I had to pick up a few they were just too funny.

The_Dude · 10-16-2003, 04:20 PM

How do you kill an aggie?
Slam the toilet seat on his head when he's getting a drink.

telekinetic2 · 10-17-2003, 01:08 AM

What did the [their colege or major here] student say do the [your college or major here] student after graduation?

"Would you like fries with that?"

10-12-2003, 07:31 PM	#1 (permalink)
feartheraiders6 Upright Location: Lubbock TX	Aggie Jokes anyone? Ok... I know there has to be some UT fans or Texas Tech fans out there... can we get any Aggie jokes going? here's the latest one i've heard (after Texas Tech beat A&M 59 - 28) How do you keep an aggie from masturbating? Paint his dick red and black so he can't beat it! __________________ I never saw my shadow till I saw the light, but now I need more light to drown it out.

10-12-2003, 10:11 PM	#2 (permalink)
The_Dude The GrandDaddy of them all! Location: Austin, TX	Why do Aggies hate M&Ms? They're too hard to peel. Two Aggies go on a fishing trip. They rent all the equipment - the reels, the rods, the wading suits, the rowboat, the car, and even a cabin in the woods. The first day they go fishing, but they don't catch anything. The same thing happens on the second day, and on the third day. It goes on like this until finally, on the last day of their vacation, one of the men catches a fish. As they're driving home they're really depressed. One Aggie turns to the other and says, "Do you realize that this one lousy fish we caught cost us fifteen hundred bucks?" The other Aggie says, "Wow! Then it's a good thing we didn't catch any more!" [From Jershie's Jokes] What do you call an Aggie after graduation? Boss. [From Mark, a future Aggie from Henderson, Texas] There was an Aggie that was down on his luck. In order to raise some money he decided to kidnap a kid and hold him for ransom. He went to the playground, grabbed a kid, took him behind a tree and told him, "I've kidnapped you." The Aggie wrote a note saying "I've kidnapped your kid. Tomorrow morning, put $10,000 in a paper bag and put it beneath the pecan tree next to the slide on the north side of the city playground. Signed, An Aggie." The Aggie then pinned the note to the kid's shirt and sent him home to show it to his parents. The next morning the Aggie checked, and sure enough a paper bag was sitting beneath that pecan tree. The Aggie opened up the bag and found the $10,000 with a note. The note said, "How could one Aggie do this to another Aggie?" [Thanks to Nikki Ponce] Did you hear about the aggie that got locked out of his car? He spent two hours trying to get his wife and kids out! [Thanks to Nikki Ponce] A Florida State student, a Kansas State student, and an Aggie had all commited horrendous crimes and were going to be shot. The FSU guy was brought up and blindfolded. The general shouted, "Ready ....... aim..." and the FSU guy yelled, "Huricane!!," everybody ducked, and he ran away free. Dismayed at losing their first prisioner, the guards brought up the KSU student with renewed vengence. They blindfolded him and the general commanded, "Ready......aim....." and the KSU guy shouted, "Tornado!!" and fearing for their lives, everybody ducked, and he ran away free. Well, the Aggie has been watching all this and starts thinking, "They all yelled natural disasters and they got away, so I will too." So they brought him up and blinded folded him, the general shouted, "Ready ...... aim...." and the Aggie screamed, "Fire!!" [From Larry] Did you hear there aren't any cold drinks at College Station any more? They lost their recipe for ice. [Thanks to Laura, age 15, Baton Rouge] Alright there was a texan a baylor and a aggie they were hunting the baylor went and came back with deer longhorn said wow how did you get that he said I fallowed the tracks boom boom so the longhorn went out and came back with a bear the aggie said how did you get that he said I fallowed the tracks boom boom so the aggie went out and came back all beat up they both said what happened to you I fallowed the railroad tracks boom boom. [Thanks to 8-year-old Austin from Austin, Texas] Did you know that there are three types of Aggies? Those who can count and those who can't. [Walt Crawford] Two normal guys and an Aggie decide to go to the desert. They each bring one thing. The first guy brings water so they don't dehydrate. The second guy brings food so they don't starve to death. The Aggie says, "I brought a car door so if it gets hot, I can just roll down the window!" [Thanks to Sherwin] An Aggie, a Baylor Bear, and a Texas Longhorn need some money. So they decide to rob a bank. They rob the bank and then hear the cops coming, so they hide in the woods. The Baylor Bear climbs into a tree, and when the cops come by, he shakes the branches and makes bird noises. The cops think it's just some birds, so they go on. The Longhorn climbs into a tree and shakes the branches, and the cops think it's a squirrel, so they go on. The Aggie climbs into a tree. The cops hear some rustling and they say, "What was that?" And the Aggie goes, " Moo! Mooo!" [Sherwin] How many Aggies did it take to unscrew a light bulb? 1,001. One to hold the bulb and 1,000 to turn the house. [Chacko] Did you hear about the Aggie at the stop sign? Well, he's still there. [Thanks to Chacko] An Aggie had just completed his studies and was awarded a BS Degree in mechanical engineering. He was immediately hired by the Texas highway department. His job was to paint the yellow stripe down the middle of the highway. After three days, his boss called him in and advised him that he was no longer needed. When the Aggie inquired as to the reason for his dismissal, the boss replied, "On your first day here, you painted three miles of stripe, which is good. On your second day, you painted two miles; not as good, but still acceptable. Today, you only painted one mile. This is too far below our standards." The Aggie accepted the explanation, saying on his way out the door, "Well, alright, but I want you to know, it wasn't my fault. The paint can kept getting farther away." [Thanks to Bedford] How do you get a Texas A & M graduate off your front porch? You pay for your pizza! [Thanks to Diane in Baton Rouge] What happened to the Aggie hockey team? They drowned in spring training. How do you make a one-armed Aggie fall out of a tree? Wave. [Thanks to Spencer, age 14, Texas] What do you get when you line up several Aggies ear to ear and blow? A wind tunnel. [Thanks to Aliyah] An Aggie went riding, and everything was going fine until the horse suddenly started bouncing out of control. He tried to hang on, but with a foot caught in the stirrup, he fell off head-first. With his head bouncing up and down, the horse didn't even slow down. And just as the Aggie was giving up hope and losing consciousness, a Kmart employee came out and unplugged it. Why does the new Aggie navy have glass bottomed boats? So they can see the old Aggie navy. Why do Aggies have doormats inside their homes? So they can wipe their feet before they go out. How can you tell an Aggie airliner when it's snowing? They're the ones with chains on the propellers. How do you sink an Aggie submarine ? Have a frogman knock on the hatch. Why do Aggies always smile during lightning storms? They think their picture is being taken. A 2-seater plane crashed into a cemetery near College Station. The Aggie fire department uncovered 700 bodies. Two Aggies were flying across the Atlantic and decided they didn't have enough fuel to make it. So the pilot decided to lighten the load by jettisoning some fuel. Two Aggies were pulling a large deer through the woods. They came across a longhorn and he said, "Really nice buck you got there, but I think if you pulled him by his horns it would be a lot better than dragging him by his hind legs." The Aggies tried it and after a while one said "This sure is better. It's a lot smoother over the ground." The other said, "Yeah, but we sure a getting farther away from the truck." How many Aggies does it take to eat an armadillo? Three. One to do the eating, and two to watch for cars. How can you tell when an Aggie sends you a fax? It has a stamp on it. Q: Why does the stadium at College Station have Astroturf? A: To keep the cheerleaders from grazing during halftime. Two Aggies are driving to Houston. The driver suspects his turn signals aren't working. So he pulls over and asks his passenger to get out and check. So the guy checks and yells to the driver, "No, they're not working. Wait, yes they are. No, they're not. Hold it, yes, they are." An Aggie is walking down a creek. While he's looking around he notices another Aggie walking along the other side of the creek. He yells to the other Aggie, "Hey, how do I get to the other side?" The other Aggie says, "You are on the other side!" __________________ "Luck is what happens when preparation meets opportunity." - Darrel K Royal

10-13-2003, 07:48 AM	#4 (permalink)
feartheraiders6 Upright Location: Lubbock TX	I've got to say... that's a pretty impressive set of aggie jokes.. here's one more.... Why do 2/3 of aggie engineering students drop out in the first year? They find out they don't get to drive a train. __________________ I never saw my shadow till I saw the light, but now I need more light to drown it out.

10-15-2003, 01:49 AM	#5 (permalink)
krazykemist Psycho Location: New Orleans	Great jokes. The bookstore in College Station across from campus has many volumes of Aggie jokes actually. I had to pick up a few they were just too funny. __________________ "Everyone thinks of changing the world, but no one thinks of changing himself." -- Tolstoy

10-16-2003, 04:20 PM	#6 (permalink)
The_Dude The GrandDaddy of them all! Location: Austin, TX	How do you kill an aggie? Slam the toilet seat on his head when he's getting a drink. __________________ "Luck is what happens when preparation meets opportunity." - Darrel K Royal

10-13-2003, 07:10 AM	#3 (permalink)
prb Psycho	Now that I have 'em, they're Auburn jokes. Thanks.

10-17-2003, 01:08 AM	#7 (permalink)
telekinetic2 Loser	What did the [their colege or major here] student say do the [your college or major here] student after graduation? "Would you like fries with that?"