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08-25-2003, 09:41 PM
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#1 (permalink) |
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Insane
Location: Australia
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Joke for life
Gardening Rule: When weeding, the best way to make sure you are
removing a weed and not a valuable plant is to pull on it. If it comes out of the ground easily, it is a valuable plant. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ There are two kinds of pedestrians-the quick and the dead. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Life is sexually transmitted. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ An unbreakable toy is useful for breaking other toys. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ If quitters never win, and winners never quit, then who is the fool who said, "Quit while you're ahead? " ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Get the last word in: Apologize. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Give a person a fish and your free of them for a day; teach that person to use the Internet and they won't bother you for weeks. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Some people are like Slinkies, not really good for anything, but you still can't help but smile when you see one tumble down the stairs. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Have you noticed since everyone has a camcorder these days no one talks about seeing UFOs like they use to? ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Why does a slight tax increase cost you two hundred dollars and a substantial tax cut saves you thirty cents? ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Politics is supposed to be the second oldest profession. I have come to realize that it bears a very close resemblance to the first. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire? ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ You read about all these terrorists-most of them came here legally, but they hung around on these expired visas, some for as long as 10 -15 years. Now, compare that to Blockbuster; you are two days late with a video and those people are all over you. Let's put Blockbuster in charge of immigration.
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Anyone who goes to a psychiatrist ought to have his head examined. Samuel Goldwyn |
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| Tags |
| joke, life |
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