Life In Uniform - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

Hanxter · 08-05-2003, 08:53 AM

During training exercises, the lieutenant who was driving down a muddy back road encountered another car stuck in the mud with a red-faced colonel at the wheel.
"Your jeep stuck, sir?" asked the lieutenant as he pulled alongside.
"Nope," replied the colonel, coming over and handing him the keys, "Yours is."

Having just moved into his new office, a pompous, new colonel was sitting at his desk when an airman knocked on the door. Conscious of his new position, the colonel quickly picked up the phone, told the airman to enter, then said into the phone, "Yes, General, I'll be seeing him this afternoon and I'll pass along your message. In the meantime, thank you for your good wishes, sir."
Feeling as though he had sufficiently impressed the young enlisted man, he asked, "What do you want?"
"Nothing important, sir," the airman replied, "I'm just here to hook up your telephone."

On some air bases the Air Force is on one side of the field and
civilian aircraft use the other side of the field, with the control tower in the middle. One day the tower received a call from an aircraft asking, "What time is it?"
The tower responded, "Who is calling?"
The aircraft replied, "What difference does it make?"
The tower replied "It makes a lot of difference. If it is an American
Airlines flight, it is 3 o'clock.
If it is an Air Force plane, it is 1500 hours.
If it is a Navy aircraft, it is 6 bells.
If it is an Army aircraft, the big hand is on the 12 and the little
hand is on the 3.
If it is a Marine Corps aircraft, it's Thursday afternoon and 120
minutes to "Happy Hour".

Officer: "Soldier, do you have change for a dollar?"
Soldier: "Sure, buddy."
Officer: "That's no way to address an officer! Now let's try it again!
Soldier! Do you have change for a dollar?"
Soldier: "No, SIR!"

Q: How do you know if there is a fighter pilot at your party?
A: He'll tell you.

Q: What's the difference between God and fighter pilots?
A: God doesn't think he's a fighter pilot.

Q: What's the difference between a fighter pilot and a jet engine?
A: A jet engine stops whining when the plane shuts down.

A Navy Chief and an Admiral were sitting in the barbershop. They were both just getting finished with their shaves, when the barbers reached for some after-shave to slap on their faces.
The admiral shouted, "Hey, don't put that stuff on me! My wife will think I've been in a Red Light District!"
The chief turned to his barber and said, "Go ahead and put it on. My wife doesn't know what the inside of a house in a Red Light District smells like."

"Well," snarled the tough old Navy Chief to the bewildered Seaman. "I suppose after you get discharged from the Navy, you'll just be waiting for me to die so you can come and urinate on my grave."
"Not me, Chief!" the Seaman replied. "Once I get out of the Navy, I'm never going to stand in line again!"

Regziever · 08-05-2003, 10:51 AM

Lol! Great collection!

cchris · 08-05-2003, 04:05 PM

Just here to hook up your telephone.

Fuck that had me rollin on the floor.
Excellent stuff.

PayUp · 08-05-2003, 04:11 PM

the one about the phone, fuckin sweet

snoop · 08-05-2003, 04:12 PM

Keep em coming . . nuthin' like a funny to start the day . .

MikeyChalupa · 08-05-2003, 04:57 PM

There's a nugget of truth in every joke.

-Mikey

SirLance · 08-05-2003, 06:36 PM

More than a nugget. Particularly the jeep joke... "nope, yours is" is exactly how it goes.

tfpfreak · 08-06-2003, 08:28 AM

nice thanks

fizzledorf · 08-07-2003, 06:56 AM

good times, always good laughs from military jokes -- youguys must be laughing all day long!

xepherys · 02-05-2008, 01:23 PM

you know, at least half of these are probably true

Plan9 · 02-05-2008, 01:28 PM

I've seen the jeep one!

08-05-2003, 08:53 AM	#1 (permalink)
Hanxter The Griffin	Life In Uniform During training exercises, the lieutenant who was driving down a muddy back road encountered another car stuck in the mud with a red-faced colonel at the wheel. "Your jeep stuck, sir?" asked the lieutenant as he pulled alongside. "Nope," replied the colonel, coming over and handing him the keys, "Yours is." Having just moved into his new office, a pompous, new colonel was sitting at his desk when an airman knocked on the door. Conscious of his new position, the colonel quickly picked up the phone, told the airman to enter, then said into the phone, "Yes, General, I'll be seeing him this afternoon and I'll pass along your message. In the meantime, thank you for your good wishes, sir." Feeling as though he had sufficiently impressed the young enlisted man, he asked, "What do you want?" "Nothing important, sir," the airman replied, "I'm just here to hook up your telephone." On some air bases the Air Force is on one side of the field and civilian aircraft use the other side of the field, with the control tower in the middle. One day the tower received a call from an aircraft asking, "What time is it?" The tower responded, "Who is calling?" The aircraft replied, "What difference does it make?" The tower replied "It makes a lot of difference. If it is an American Airlines flight, it is 3 o'clock. If it is an Air Force plane, it is 1500 hours. If it is a Navy aircraft, it is 6 bells. If it is an Army aircraft, the big hand is on the 12 and the little hand is on the 3. If it is a Marine Corps aircraft, it's Thursday afternoon and 120 minutes to "Happy Hour". Officer: "Soldier, do you have change for a dollar?" Soldier: "Sure, buddy." Officer: "That's no way to address an officer! Now let's try it again! Soldier! Do you have change for a dollar?" Soldier: "No, SIR!" Q: How do you know if there is a fighter pilot at your party? A: He'll tell you. Q: What's the difference between God and fighter pilots? A: God doesn't think he's a fighter pilot. Q: What's the difference between a fighter pilot and a jet engine? A: A jet engine stops whining when the plane shuts down. A Navy Chief and an Admiral were sitting in the barbershop. They were both just getting finished with their shaves, when the barbers reached for some after-shave to slap on their faces. The admiral shouted, "Hey, don't put that stuff on me! My wife will think I've been in a Red Light District!" The chief turned to his barber and said, "Go ahead and put it on. My wife doesn't know what the inside of a house in a Red Light District smells like." "Well," snarled the tough old Navy Chief to the bewildered Seaman. "I suppose after you get discharged from the Navy, you'll just be waiting for me to die so you can come and urinate on my grave." "Not me, Chief!" the Seaman replied. "Once I get out of the Navy, I'm never going to stand in line again!"

08-05-2003, 10:51 AM	#2 (permalink)
Regziever Sexy eh? Location: Sweden	Lol! Great collection! __________________ Life is shit, Death is even worse, So what's the point of killing yourself? /Ignatius Camryn Paladine

08-05-2003, 04:05 PM	#3 (permalink)
cchris Junkie Location: Sydney	Just here to hook up your telephone. Fuck that had me rollin on the floor. Excellent stuff. __________________ There's a fine line between participation and mockery

08-05-2003, 04:11 PM	#4 (permalink)
PayUp DILLIGAF Location: AZ	the one about the phone, fuckin sweet __________________ Born to Lose.

08-05-2003, 04:12 PM	#5 (permalink)
snoop Insane	Keep em coming . . nuthin' like a funny to start the day . . __________________ ------------------------------------------------ Insert Witty Slogan Here . . . . .

08-05-2003, 04:57 PM	#6 (permalink)
MikeyChalupa Squid Location: USS George Washington	There's a nugget of truth in every joke. -Mikey

08-05-2003, 06:36 PM	#7 (permalink)
SirLance Junkie Location: In the middle of the desert.	More than a nugget. Particularly the jeep joke... "nope, yours is" is exactly how it goes. __________________ DEMOCRACY is where your vote counts, FEUDALISM is where your count votes.

08-06-2003, 08:28 AM	#8 (permalink)
tfpfreak Crazy Location: MS	nice thanks __________________ Never grow a wishbone where your backbone ought to be. ~ Clementine Paddleford

08-07-2003, 06:56 AM	#9 (permalink)
fizzledorf Insane	good times, always good laughs from military jokes -- youguys must be laughing all day long!

02-05-2008, 01:23 PM	#10 (permalink)
xepherys <3 TFP Location: 17TLH2445607250	you know, at least half of these are probably true __________________ The prospect of achieving a peace agreement with the extremist group of MILF is almost impossible... -- Emmanuel Pinol, Governor of Cotobato My Homepage

02-05-2008, 01:28 PM	#11 (permalink)
Plan9 I Confess a Shiver	I've seen the jeep one! __________________ *Whatever you can carry.* "You should not drink... and bake."