uncle phil

HALLMARK CARDS (we'll never see)


1. So your daughter's a hooker,
and it spoiled your day.
Look on the bright side,
she's a really good lay.

2. My tire was thumping
I thought it was flat.
When I look at the tire,
I noticed your cat. Sorry.

3. You had your bladder removed
and you're on the mends.
Here's a bouquet of flowers
and a box of Depends.

4. You've announced that you're gay.
Won't that be a laugh
when they find out you're one
of the Joint Chiefs of Staff.

5. Heard your wife left you,
how upset you must be.
But don't fret about it ...
she moved in with me.

6. Your computer is dead,
it was once so alive.
Don't you regret
installing Windows 95?

7. You totalled your car
and can't remember why.
Could it have been
that case of Bud Dry?

__________________
"We were wrong, terribly wrong. (We) should not have tried to fight a guerrilla war with conventional military tactics against a foe willing to absorb enormous casualties...in a country lacking the fundamental political stability necessary to conduct effective military and pacification operations. It could not be done and it was not done."
- Robert S. McNamara
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"We will take our napalm and flame throwers out of the land that scarcely knows the use of matches...
We will leave you your small joys and smaller troubles."
- Eugene McCarthy in "Vietnam Message"
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never wrestle with a pig.
you both get dirty;
the pig likes it.

Regziever

Hehehe.. Number five was the best!

__________________
Life is shit,
Death is even worse,
So what's the point of killing yourself?
/Ignatius Camryn Paladine

RemyLebeau97

Ha Funny !!

elfuq

Old computer jokes never die, heh

cchris

# 2 just cracks me up.

__________________
There's a fine line between participation and mockery

Tickford

hehehe..... like them all.... if only they really made cards like that...

__________________
Anyone who goes to a psychiatrist ought to have his head examined.

Samuel Goldwyn

Slims

Those are great, thanks.

__________________
"Socialism is a philosophy of failure, the creed of ignorance, and the gospel of envy, its inherent virtue is the equal sharing of misery." - Winston Churchill

"All men dream: but not equally. Those who dream by night in the dusty recesses of their minds wake in the day to find that it was vanity: but the dreamers of the day are dangerous men, for they may act out their dream with open eyes, to make it possible." Seven Pillars of Wisdom, T.E. Lawrence