uncle phil

Having arrived at the Gates of Heaven (with a headache and rather wet), Osama bin Laden met a man with a beard. 'Are you Mohammed?' he asked eagerly.

'No, I am St. Peter. Mohammed is higher up.' He pointed to a ladder that rose into the clouds.

Delighted that Mohammed should be higher than St. Peter, bin Laden climbed as quickly as he could and found himself in a room with another bearded man.
'Excuse me, are you Mohammed?'

'Why, no!' came the answer. 'I am Moses . Carry on up the ladder.'

Panting but full of joy, bin Laden climbed further, where he discovered a much larger room occupied by a particularly noble-looking man. Full of hope, he asked again: 'Are you Mohammed?'

'No, I'm Jesus Christ! You'll find Mohammed higher up.'

Mohammed, higher than JESUS?! Bin Laden could hardly contain himself, and resumed his climb. At last he reached an enormous room where a truly magnificent man with a silver beard was seated, and to him once again he gasped, 'Are you Mohammed?' for by now he was totally knackered from his climb.

'No, my son. I am Almighty God, the Alpha and the Omega, the Beginning and the End of Everything. But you look tired. Would you like a cup of coffee?'

'Yes, please!'

God looked behind him, clapped his hands and called: 'Hey, Mohammed ! Two coffees, and hurry it up!'

__________________
"We were wrong, terribly wrong. (We) should not have tried to fight a guerrilla war with conventional military tactics against a foe willing to absorb enormous casualties...in a country lacking the fundamental political stability necessary to conduct effective military and pacification operations. It could not be done and it was not done."
- Robert S. McNamara
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"We will take our napalm and flame throwers out of the land that scarcely knows the use of matches...
We will leave you your small joys and smaller troubles."
- Eugene McCarthy in "Vietnam Message"
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never wrestle with a pig.
you both get dirty;
the pig likes it.

Leto

ouch.

__________________
You said you didn't give a fuck about hockey
And I never saw someone say that before
You held my hand and we walked home the long way
You were loosening my grip on Bobby Orr

http://dune.wikia.com/wiki/Leto_Atreides_I

Baraka_Guru

Right next to God? Not a bad place to be.

Wait. They drink coffee in heaven?

__________________
Knowing that death is certain and that the time of death is uncertain, what's the most important thing?
—Bhikkhuni Pema Chödrön

Humankind cannot bear very much reality.
—From "Burnt Norton," Four Quartets (1936), T. S. Eliot