Married 40 Years - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

uncle phil · 12-20-2010, 03:11 AM

A man wakes up in the hospital bandaged from head to foot. The doctor comes in and says, "Ah, I'm glad to see you've regained consciousness. You probably won't remember, but you were in a huge pile-up on the freeway. You're going to be okay, you'll walk again and everything, but your penis was severed in the accident and we couldn't find it."

The man groans, but the doctor goes on, "You've got $9000 in insurance compensation coming and we now have the technology to build a new penis. They work great but they don't come cheap. It's roughly $1000 an inch."

The man perks up.

"So," the doctor says, "You must decide how many inches you want. I understand that you've been married for over forty years and this is something you should discuss with your wife. If you had a five-incher before and get a nine-incher now she might be a bit put out. If you had a nine-incher before and you decide to only invest in a five-incher now, she might be disappointed. It's important that she plays a role in helping you make a decision."

The man agrees to talk it over with his wife.

The doctor comes back the next day and asks, "So, have you spoken with your wife?"

"Yes I have," says the man.

"And has she helped you make a decision?"

"Yes," says the man.

"What is your decision?" asks the doctor.

"We're getting granite countertops..."

Plan9 · 12-20-2010, 03:30 AM

So what if it's true?

sbscout · 12-20-2010, 05:38 PM

that probably fits the bill for everyone except Bobby and the Mrs.!!

12-20-2010, 03:11 AM	#1 (permalink)
uncle phil comfortably numb... Super Moderator Location: upstate	Married 40 Years A man wakes up in the hospital bandaged from head to foot. The doctor comes in and says, "Ah, I'm glad to see you've regained consciousness. You probably won't remember, but you were in a huge pile-up on the freeway. You're going to be okay, you'll walk again and everything, but your penis was severed in the accident and we couldn't find it." The man groans, but the doctor goes on, "You've got $9000 in insurance compensation coming and we now have the technology to build a new penis. They work great but they don't come cheap. It's roughly $1000 an inch." The man perks up. "So," the doctor says, "You must decide how many inches you want. I understand that you've been married for over forty years and this is something you should discuss with your wife. If you had a five-incher before and get a nine-incher now she might be a bit put out. If you had a nine-incher before and you decide to only invest in a five-incher now, she might be disappointed. It's important that she plays a role in helping you make a decision." The man agrees to talk it over with his wife. The doctor comes back the next day and asks, "So, have you spoken with your wife?" "Yes I have," says the man. "And has she helped you make a decision?" "Yes," says the man. "What is your decision?" asks the doctor. "We're getting granite countertops..." __________________ "We were wrong, terribly wrong. (We) should not have tried to fight a guerrilla war with conventional military tactics against a foe willing to absorb enormous casualties...in a country lacking the fundamental political stability necessary to conduct effective military and pacification operations. It could not be done and it was not done." - Robert S. McNamara ----------------------------------------- "We will take our napalm and flame throwers out of the land that scarcely knows the use of matches... We will leave you your small joys and smaller troubles." - Eugene McCarthy in "Vietnam Message" ----------------------------------------- never wrestle with a pig. you both get dirty; the pig likes it.

12-20-2010, 03:30 AM	#2 (permalink)
Plan9 I Confess a Shiver	So what if it's true? __________________ *Whatever you can carry.* "You should not drink... and bake."

12-20-2010, 05:38 PM	#3 (permalink)
sbscout Disorganized Location: back home again...	that probably fits the bill for everyone except Bobby and the Mrs.!! __________________ Always question authority... it'll keep the bastards on their toes!