How to shower... - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

Flesh · 07-08-2003, 03:54 PM

How to Shower Like a Woman

1. Take off clothing and place it in sectioned laundry hamper according to lights and darks.

2. Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown. If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.

3. Look at your womanly physique in the mirror make mental note to do more sit-ups.

4. Get in the shower. Use face cloth, arm cloth, leg cloth, long loofah, wide loofah, and pumice stone.

5. Wash your hair once with cucumber and sage

6. Wash your hair again to make sure it's clean.

7. Condition your hair with grapefruit mint conditioner enhanced with natural avocado oil. Leave on hair for 15 minutes.

8. Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for 10 minutes until red.

9. Wash entire rest of body with ginger nut and jaffa cake body wash.

10. Complain because your husband had been eating your gingernut and jaffa cake body wash.

11. Rinse conditioner off hair.

12. Shave armpits and legs.

13. Turn off shower.

14. Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower. Spray mold spots with Tilex.

15. Get out of shower onto a floor towel. Dry with a towel the size of a small country. Wrap hair in super absorbent towel.

16. Hang floor towel on side of tub.

17. Check entire body for zits, tweeze unwanted hairs.

18. Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head.

19. If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.

How To Shower Like a Man

1. Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them in a pile.

2. Walk naked to the bathroom. If you see wife along the way, shake wiener at her making the 'woo-woo' sound.

3. Look at your manly physique in the mirror. Admire the size of your wiener and scratch your butt.

4. Get in the shower.

5. Wash your face.

6. Wash your armpits.

7. Blow your nose in your hands and let the water rinse them off.

8. Make fart noises (real or artificial) and laugh at how loud they sound in the shower.

9. Spend majority of time washing privates and surrounding area.

10. Wash your butt, leaving those coarse butt hairs stuck on the soap.

11. Shampoo your hair.

12. Taste your wife's ginger nut and jaffa cake body wash.

13. Make a Shampoo Mohawk.

14. Pee.

15. Rinse off and get out of shower. (What's a floor towel?)

16. Partially dry off. Fail to notice water on floor because curtain was hanging out of tub the whole time.

17. Admire wiener size in mirror again.

18. Leave shower curtain open, water on floor, light and fan on.

19. Return to bedroom with towel around your waist. If you pass wife, pull off towel, shake wiener at her and make the 'woo-woo' sound again.

20. Throw wet towel on bed.

oblar · 07-08-2003, 07:42 PM

i just love the shaking of the weiner and making the 'woo-woo' sound

probably my favorite parts*grin*

Sleepyjack · 07-08-2003, 11:59 PM

very good. Quite close to my showering escapades as well

shield2057 · 07-09-2003, 12:13 AM

lol, great, some seem to be a little too accurate though.... (looks around)

AnUnkind · 07-09-2003, 12:56 AM

Haha, "woo-woo".

pigmann · 07-09-2003, 04:30 AM

My last girlfriend would get so pissed at me for not using a floor towel and/or getting water everywhere.

God of Thunder · 07-09-2003, 09:15 AM

Yup, pretty much acurate.

Woo-Woo!!!!!

rundmv · 07-09-2003, 12:09 PM

pretty accurate except the sound i make is a little more like a rough Uh Uh, with some pelvic thrusts...

Bill O'Rights · 07-09-2003, 12:12 PM

I don't get it...shouldn't this be in Tilted How-to, or Tilted Advise. I mean, I don't see the pnchline here. Isn't that how <b>everyone</b> showers?

Amethyst · 07-09-2003, 04:59 PM

That is really funny. I hate when my husband does number 7 that just drives me crazy.

Gortexfogg · 07-09-2003, 07:16 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Flesh
13. Make a Shampoo Mohawk.

That's me in a nutshell. The whole list is hilarious!

clifclav · 07-10-2003, 07:29 AM

still a very good one. thanks

big_bubba · 07-10-2003, 12:09 PM

Hahahahahahahahahahahaha that's a new one to me, but yeah it's pretty accurate

Schwan · 07-10-2003, 12:49 PM

It can't be that obvious, can it? Especially the weiner part

.

BECskater609 · 07-10-2003, 12:59 PM

true. i didnt think guys would have so many things that they do, i know i dont do 20 things in shower.

Tower · 07-10-2003, 01:52 PM

lol Woo Woo! Made me laugh pretty good actually!

stankybcn1 · 07-10-2003, 11:13 PM

that's great

dtheriault · 07-11-2003, 02:06 AM

the stuck hairs drive her crazy every time.

RAMONES!!! · 07-11-2003, 06:39 PM

that was really funny, really enjoyed that

Raw Kuts · 07-12-2003, 01:03 AM

Jafa Cakes are good...

BlueBongo · 07-12-2003, 01:35 AM

I have to agree that it is pretty much true... though not for every man. But I've had some crappy male roommates.. and I'd agree with the shower. I hated picking up their clothes and tossing them into their freakin' room. bastards.

Motorbreath · 07-13-2003, 11:10 PM

hahahahahaha i laughed pretty hard with this one! but its scary... it's so true

Keg-o-Grog · 07-15-2003, 12:43 PM

hahahahaha

that was so fucking great

wario · 08-09-2003, 10:44 AM

Glad to find out I'm not the only one who still makes shampoo mohawks.

TerresqueÜ · 08-09-2003, 01:39 PM

HAHAHAH That was freaking great!

iktoweya · 08-09-2003, 02:03 PM

Stare At The Sun · 08-09-2003, 02:13 PM

Good stuff

slant eyes · 08-09-2003, 06:43 PM

'woo woo'

RedSweater · 08-10-2003, 12:06 AM

A+ effort, that was funny. (Though I pee first)

bobbles · 08-10-2003, 12:22 AM

good except for the peeing in the shower bit O_O

07-08-2003, 03:54 PM	#1 (permalink)
Flesh Psycho	How to shower... How to Shower Like a Woman 1. Take off clothing and place it in sectioned laundry hamper according to lights and darks. 2. Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown. If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas. 3. Look at your womanly physique in the mirror make mental note to do more sit-ups. 4. Get in the shower. Use face cloth, arm cloth, leg cloth, long loofah, wide loofah, and pumice stone. 5. Wash your hair once with cucumber and sage 6. Wash your hair again to make sure it's clean. 7. Condition your hair with grapefruit mint conditioner enhanced with natural avocado oil. Leave on hair for 15 minutes. 8. Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for 10 minutes until red. 9. Wash entire rest of body with ginger nut and jaffa cake body wash. 10. Complain because your husband had been eating your gingernut and jaffa cake body wash. 11. Rinse conditioner off hair. 12. Shave armpits and legs. 13. Turn off shower. 14. Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower. Spray mold spots with Tilex. 15. Get out of shower onto a floor towel. Dry with a towel the size of a small country. Wrap hair in super absorbent towel. 16. Hang floor towel on side of tub. 17. Check entire body for zits, tweeze unwanted hairs. 18. Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head. 19. If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas. How To Shower Like a Man 1. Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them in a pile. 2. Walk naked to the bathroom. If you see wife along the way, shake wiener at her making the 'woo-woo' sound. 3. Look at your manly physique in the mirror. Admire the size of your wiener and scratch your butt. 4. Get in the shower. 5. Wash your face. 6. Wash your armpits. 7. Blow your nose in your hands and let the water rinse them off. 8. Make fart noises (real or artificial) and laugh at how loud they sound in the shower. 9. Spend majority of time washing privates and surrounding area. 10. Wash your butt, leaving those coarse butt hairs stuck on the soap. 11. Shampoo your hair. 12. Taste your wife's ginger nut and jaffa cake body wash. 13. Make a Shampoo Mohawk. 14. Pee. 15. Rinse off and get out of shower. (What's a floor towel?) 16. Partially dry off. Fail to notice water on floor because curtain was hanging out of tub the whole time. 17. Admire wiener size in mirror again. 18. Leave shower curtain open, water on floor, light and fan on. 19. Return to bedroom with towel around your waist. If you pass wife, pull off towel, shake wiener at her and make the 'woo-woo' sound again. 20. Throw wet towel on bed.

07-08-2003, 07:42 PM	#2 (permalink)
oblar Über-Rookie Location: No longer, D.C	i just love the shaking of the weiner and making the 'woo-woo' sound probably my favorite partsgrin __________________ "All that we can do is just survive. .All that we can do to help ourselves is stay alive." - Rush

07-09-2003, 12:56 AM	#5 (permalink)
AnUnkind Crazy Location: INCONUS	Haha, "woo-woo". __________________ yeah, you SHOULD feel stupid....

07-09-2003, 04:30 AM	#6 (permalink)
pigmann Upright Location: Michigan	My last girlfriend would get so pissed at me for not using a floor towel and/or getting water everywhere. __________________ I once loved a girl, a child I'm told, I gave her my heart and she gave me a cold.

07-09-2003, 09:15 AM	#7 (permalink)
God of Thunder Talk nerdy to me Location: Flint, MI	Yup, pretty much acurate. Woo-Woo!!!!! __________________ I reject your reality, and substitute my own -- Adam Savage

07-08-2003, 11:59 PM	#3 (permalink)
Sleepyjack Fast'n'Bulbous Location: Australia, Perth	very good. Quite close to my showering escapades as well

07-09-2003, 12:13 AM	#4 (permalink)
shield2057 Crazy	lol, great, some seem to be a little too accurate though.... (looks around)

07-09-2003, 12:09 PM	#8 (permalink)
rundmv Insane	pretty accurate except the sound i make is a little more like a rough Uh Uh, with some pelvic thrusts...

07-09-2003, 12:12 PM	#9 (permalink)
Bill O'Rights will always be an Alyson Hanniganite Location: In the dust of the archives	I don't get it...shouldn't this be in Tilted How-to, or Tilted Advise. I mean, I don't see the pnchline here. Isn't that how <b>everyone</b> showers? __________________ "I distrust those people who know so well what God wants them to do because I notice it always coincides with their own desires." - Susan B. Anthony "Hedonism with rules isn't hedonism at all, it's the Republican party." - JumpinJesus It is indisputable that true beauty lies within...but a nice rack sure doesn't hurt.

07-09-2003, 04:59 PM	#10 (permalink)
Amethyst Addict Location: Illinois	That is really funny. I hate when my husband does number 7 that just drives me crazy.

07-10-2003, 07:29 AM	#12 (permalink)
clifclav absolute relativist Location: D.C.	still a very good one. thanks __________________ Neither rain , nor cold, nor dark of night shall.......ahh whatever, just get me a beer!

07-10-2003, 12:09 PM	#13 (permalink)
big_bubba Psycho	Hahahahahahahahahahahaha that's a new one to me, but yeah it's pretty accurate

07-10-2003, 12:49 PM	#14 (permalink)
Schwan A boy and his dog Location: EU!	It can't be that obvious, can it? Especially the weiner part .

07-10-2003, 12:59 PM	#15 (permalink)
BECskater609 Upright	true. i didnt think guys would have so many things that they do, i know i dont do 20 things in shower.

07-10-2003, 01:52 PM	#16 (permalink)
Tower Tilted Location: Whitewater, Wisconsin.	lol Woo Woo! Made me laugh pretty good actually! __________________ Regulator 2k3. Intergalatic Planetary.

07-10-2003, 11:13 PM	#17 (permalink)
stankybcn1 Junkie	that's great __________________ I'll Throw You!

07-11-2003, 02:06 AM	#18 (permalink)
dtheriault Psycho Location: maybe utah	the stuck hairs drive her crazy every time. __________________ "Remember, it takes two to lie. One to lie and one to listen." -Homer Unless you are the freakin Highlander, what is the point in learning how to fight with a sword?

07-12-2003, 01:03 AM	#20 (permalink)
Raw Kuts Insane Location: San Diego, CA	Jafa Cakes are good... __________________ ( o< --!"Take that bass out you're voice, you talk to me in treble." / / \ \/_/_ -->Mos Def

07-15-2003, 12:43 PM	#23 (permalink)
Keg-o-Grog Insane Location: Foregin student in Texas atm.	hahahahaha that was so fucking great __________________ I stand alone without beliefs, the only truth i know is you.

07-11-2003, 06:39 PM	#19 (permalink)
RAMONES!!! _-_---_-_	that was really funny, really enjoyed that __________________ Come on

07-13-2003, 11:10 PM	#22 (permalink)
Motorbreath Upright	hahahahahaha i laughed pretty hard with this one! but its scary... it's so true

08-09-2003, 10:44 AM	#24 (permalink)
wario Insane	Glad to find out I'm not the only one who still makes shampoo mohawks.

08-09-2003, 01:39 PM	#25 (permalink)
TerresqueÜ Hiding Out	HAHAHAH That was freaking great! __________________ Say yes to the 'Tilted Roleplaying' Forum http://www.tfproject.org/tfp/showthread.php?s=&threadid=1932&highlight=petition

08-09-2003, 02:03 PM	#26 (permalink)
iktoweya These pretzels are making me thirsty!! Location: 105B	hehe __________________ i miss K-Wise

08-09-2003, 02:13 PM	#27 (permalink)
Stare At The Sun Eh? Location: Somewhere over the rainbow	Good stuff

08-09-2003, 06:43 PM	#28 (permalink)
slant eyes Psycho Location: cali	'woo woo' __________________ no man or woman is worth your tears - and the one who is, won't make you cry question authority, don't ask why, just do it!

08-10-2003, 12:06 AM	#29 (permalink)
RedSweater Upright	A+ effort, that was funny. (Though I pee first)

08-10-2003, 12:22 AM	#30 (permalink)
bobbles Crazy	good except for the peeing in the shower bit O_O