uncle phil

...and the bartender says, "Hey, I haven't seen you in a while. What happened? You look terrible."

Pirate: "What do you mean. I feel fine."

Bartender: "What about the wooden leg? You didn't have that before."

Pirate: "Well, we were in a battle and I got hit with a cannon ball, but I'm fine now."

Bartender: "Well, okay, but what about that hook? What happened to your hand?"

Pirate: "We were in another battle. I boarded a ship and got into a sword fight. My hand was cut off. I got fitted with a hook. I'm fine, really"

Bartender: "What about that eye patch?"

Pirate: "Oh, one day we were at sea and a flock of birds flew over. I looked up and one of them shit in my eye."

Bartender: "You're kidding. You lost an eye just from birdshit?"

Pirate: "It was my first day with the hook."

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"We were wrong, terribly wrong. (We) should not have tried to fight a guerrilla war with conventional military tactics against a foe willing to absorb enormous casualties...in a country lacking the fundamental political stability necessary to conduct effective military and pacification operations. It could not be done and it was not done."
- Robert S. McNamara
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"We will take our napalm and flame throwers out of the land that scarcely knows the use of matches...
We will leave you your small joys and smaller troubles."
- Eugene McCarthy in "Vietnam Message"
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never wrestle with a pig.
you both get dirty;
the pig likes it.

Baraka_Guru

Nice.

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Knowing that death is certain and that the time of death is uncertain, what's the most important thing?
—Bhikkhuni Pema Chödrön

Humankind cannot bear very much reality.
—From "Burnt Norton," Four Quartets (1936), T. S. Eliot

SSJTWIZTA

a man walks into a bar...


...he's an alcoholic and its destroying his family.

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First they came for the Jews and I did not speak out because I was not a Jew.
Then they came for the communists and I did not speak out because I was not a communist.
Then they came for the trade unionists and I did not speak out because I was not a trade unionist
Then they came for me And there was no one left to speak out for me.
-Pastor Martin Niemoller

blahblah454

Original joke: Ouch!!!

SSJ: Way to bring the cold, harsh reality into this...

Redlemon

I have to remember this one.

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I can't read your signature. Sorry.

Plan9

Hahaha... good one, Phil.

...

SSJT, I'm going to use that tomorrow in the middle of a presentation.

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Whatever you can carry.

"You should not drink... and bake."

Xerxys

This is the first walk into a bar joke I actually liked.

Redlemon

A pirate walks into a bar with a paper towel sheet on his head. The bartender asks him why. "Arrr..." says the pirate, "I've got a bounty on me head!"

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I can't read your signature. Sorry.