If men wrote advice columns... - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

mjby2 · 04-19-2009, 01:04 AM

Q: My husband wants to have a threesome with me and my best friend.

A: Obviously your husband cannot get enough of you! Knowing that there is only one of you he can only settle for the next best thing your best friend. Far from being an issue, this can bring you closer together. Why not get some of your old college roommates involved too? If you are still apprehensive, maybe you should let him be with your friends without you. If you're still not sure then just perform oral sex on him and cook him a nice meal while you think about it.

Q: My husband continually asks me to perform oral sex on him.

A: Do it. Semen can help you lose weight and gives a great glow to your skin. Interestingly, men know this. His offer to allow you to perform oral sex on him is totally selfless. This shows he loves you. The best thing to do is to thank him by performing it twice a day; then cook him a nice meal.

Q: My husband has too many nights out with the boys

A: This is perfectly natural behavior and it should be encouraged. The Man is a hunter and he needs to prove his prowess with other men. A night out chasing young single girls is a great stress relief and can foster a more peaceful and relaxing home. Remember, nothing can rekindle your relationship better than the man being away for a day or two (it's a great time to clean the house, too)! Just look at how emotional and happy he is when he returns to his stable home. The best thing to do when he gets home is for you and your best friend to perform oral sex on him. Then cook him a nice meal.

Q: My husband doesn't know where my clitoris is.

A: Your clitoris is of no concern to your husband. If you must mess with it, do it in your own time or ask your best friend to help. You may wish to videotape yourself while doing this, and present it to your husband as a birthday gift. To ease your selfish guilt, perform oral sex on him and cook him a delicious meal.

Q: My husband is uninterested in foreplay.

A: You are a bad person for bringing it up and should seek sensitivity training. Foreplay to a man is very stressful and time consuming. Sex should be available to your husband on demand with no pesky requests for foreplay. What this means is that you do not love your man as much as you should; He should never have to work to get you in the mood. Stop being so selfish! Perhaps you can make it up to him by performing oral sex and cooking him a nice meal.

Q: My husband always has an orgasm then rolls over and goes to sleep without giving me one.

A: I'm not sure I understand the problem. Perhaps you've forgotten to cook him a nice meal.

slick50 · 04-19-2009, 03:05 AM

Very good, thanks

Plan9 · 04-19-2009, 07:59 AM

Funny... in a 1950s kinda way.

...

Turns out men do write advice columns:

Art Of Manliness

Interesting WillRavel instruction manual.

Xerxys · 04-23-2009, 02:21 PM

They hardly emphasized the importance of a tasty meal and plenty of oral. I give this columnist a fail. Halfhearted attempts just don't cut it.

Plan9 · 04-23-2009, 02:28 PM

Ya know, if I had blowjobs dispensed as prescribed above... whew... I'd never get anything done.

I'd be doin' the drunk-on-a-straight-line dance all the time and napping during work hours.

FuglyStick · 04-23-2009, 02:52 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by mjby2

Your clitoris is of no concern to your husband.

This is not the clitoris you are looking for....

Kahn · 04-25-2009, 06:43 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Crompsin

Ya know, if I had blowjobs dispensed as prescribed above... whew... I'd never get anything done.

I'd be doin' the drunk-on-a-straight-line dance all the time and napping during work hours.

I'm not seeing the down side to this

joe spade · 04-26-2009, 06:03 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by FuglyStick

This is not the clitoris you are looking for....

hahahahaha!

04-19-2009, 01:04 AM	#1 (permalink)
mjby2 Crazy	If men wrote advice columns... Q: My husband wants to have a threesome with me and my best friend. A: Obviously your husband cannot get enough of you! Knowing that there is only one of you he can only settle for the next best thing your best friend. Far from being an issue, this can bring you closer together. Why not get some of your old college roommates involved too? If you are still apprehensive, maybe you should let him be with your friends without you. If you're still not sure then just perform oral sex on him and cook him a nice meal while you think about it. Q: My husband continually asks me to perform oral sex on him. A: Do it. Semen can help you lose weight and gives a great glow to your skin. Interestingly, men know this. His offer to allow you to perform oral sex on him is totally selfless. This shows he loves you. The best thing to do is to thank him by performing it twice a day; then cook him a nice meal. Q: My husband has too many nights out with the boys A: This is perfectly natural behavior and it should be encouraged. The Man is a hunter and he needs to prove his prowess with other men. A night out chasing young single girls is a great stress relief and can foster a more peaceful and relaxing home. Remember, nothing can rekindle your relationship better than the man being away for a day or two (it's a great time to clean the house, too)! Just look at how emotional and happy he is when he returns to his stable home. The best thing to do when he gets home is for you and your best friend to perform oral sex on him. Then cook him a nice meal. Q: My husband doesn't know where my clitoris is. A: Your clitoris is of no concern to your husband. If you must mess with it, do it in your own time or ask your best friend to help. You may wish to videotape yourself while doing this, and present it to your husband as a birthday gift. To ease your selfish guilt, perform oral sex on him and cook him a delicious meal. Q: My husband is uninterested in foreplay. A: You are a bad person for bringing it up and should seek sensitivity training. Foreplay to a man is very stressful and time consuming. Sex should be available to your husband on demand with no pesky requests for foreplay. What this means is that you do not love your man as much as you should; He should never have to work to get you in the mood. Stop being so selfish! Perhaps you can make it up to him by performing oral sex and cooking him a nice meal. Q: My husband always has an orgasm then rolls over and goes to sleep without giving me one. A: I'm not sure I understand the problem. Perhaps you've forgotten to cook him a nice meal.

04-19-2009, 07:59 AM	#3 (permalink)
Plan9 I Confess a Shiver	Funny... in a 1950s kinda way. ... Turns out men do write advice columns: Art Of Manliness Interesting WillRavel instruction manual. __________________ *Whatever you can carry.* "You should not drink... and bake."

04-23-2009, 02:28 PM	#5 (permalink)
Plan9 I Confess a Shiver	Ya know, if I had blowjobs dispensed as prescribed above... whew... I'd never get anything done. I'd be doin' the drunk-on-a-straight-line dance all the time and napping during work hours. __________________ *Whatever you can carry.* "You should not drink... and bake."

04-19-2009, 03:05 AM	#2 (permalink)
slick50 Upright Location: New Orleans	Very good, thanks

04-23-2009, 02:21 PM	#4 (permalink)
Xerxys Junkie Location: My head.	They hardly emphasized the importance of a tasty meal and plenty of oral. I give this columnist a fail. Halfhearted attempts just don't cut it.