uncle phil

A very good-looking female ranch operator decided to place an ad in the newspaper for a ranch hand. Two cowboys applied for the job.

One was gay and the other a drunk.

She decided to hire the gay guy, figuring it would be safer to have him around the house than the drunk.

He proved to be a hard worker who put in long hours every day and knew a lot about ranching. For weeks, the two of them worked together, and the
ranch was doing very well.

Then one day, the rancher's widow said to the hired hand, 'You have done a really good job, and the ranch looks great. You should go into town and kick up your heels.' The hired hand readily agreed and went into town one Saturday night.

Upon returning at around two-thirty the following morning, and upon entering the room, he found the rancher's widow sitting by the fireplace with a glass of wine, waiting for him. She quietly called him over to her.

'Unbutton my blouse and take it off,' she said. Trembling, he did as she directed.

'Now take off my boots.' He did as she asked, ever so slowly.

'Now take off my socks.' He removed each gently and placed them neatly by her boots.

'Now take off my skirt.' He slowly unbuttoned it, constantly watching her eyes in the fire light.

'Now take off my bra.' Again, with trembling hands, he did as he was told and dropped it to the floor.

Then she looked at him and said, 'If you ever wear my clothes into town again, you're fired.'

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"We were wrong, terribly wrong. (We) should not have tried to fight a guerrilla war with conventional military tactics against a foe willing to absorb enormous casualties...in a country lacking the fundamental political stability necessary to conduct effective military and pacification operations. It could not be done and it was not done."
- Robert S. McNamara
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"We will take our napalm and flame throwers out of the land that scarcely knows the use of matches...
We will leave you your small joys and smaller troubles."
- Eugene McCarthy in "Vietnam Message"
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never wrestle with a pig.
you both get dirty;
the pig likes it.

Tully Mars

D'oH! didn't see that coming.

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I used to drink to drown my sorrows, but the damned things have learned how to swim- Frida Kahlo

Vice President Starkizzer Fan Club

BogeyDope

Took me a while to register that one...haha

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Focus. Control. Conviction. Resolve. A true ace lacks none of these attributes. Nothing can deter you from the task at hand except your own fears. This is your sky.

Iliftrocks

Gahh, I've heard that one before, and it still got me.

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bill hicks - "I don't mean to sound bitter, cold, or cruel, but I am, so that's how it comes out."

carrot glace

wow, that was unexpected

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"blaine is a pain and that is the truth"

flat5

I saw it coming. Moms Mabley did a good version of that one probably 60+ years ago.

Xerxys

Never saw it coming!!!!

blahblah454

HAHA!!! Good one!! I did not see that coming at all!

Osilan

My dad ALWAYS tells that joke!!!

Sensei

Zing! Thumbs up.

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Slacking off with style since 1981.