On the Links - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

uncle phil · 02-26-2009, 03:11 AM

Vern was teeing off from the men's tee. On his downswing, he realized that his wife, Lucretia, was teeing up on the woman's tee directly in front of him.
Unable to stop his swing, he nailed it, and hit her directly in the head, killing her instantly.

A few days later, Verne got a call from the coroner regarding her autopsy.

Coroner: "Verne, your wife seemed to have died from blunt force trauma to the head. You said you hit a golf ball and hit her in the head, is that correct?"

Verne: "Yes, sir, that's correct."

Coroner: " Well, inexplicably I found a golf ball wedged up her rear."

Verne: "Was it a Titleist 3?"

Coroner: "Yes, it was."

Verne: "That was my provisional."

Redlemon · 02-26-2009, 11:08 AM

/doesn't play golf, doesn't get joke

phathom · 02-26-2009, 02:35 PM

Play golf and still don't get it. I'm guessing it's interchangeable with "mulligan"

uncle phil · 02-26-2009, 03:00 PM

when one either thinks he loses his tee shot, or thinks it may have gone out of bounds, he is entitled to a "provisional" shot off the tee and is allowed to play that ball should the original never be located or is located out of bounds......

Cuddly Knife · 02-27-2009, 01:23 AM

don't get it

PayUp · 03-01-2009, 02:51 PM

I will have to share this one at Monday afternoons tee time

Tully Mars · 03-01-2009, 05:27 PM

Yes, but the important question is did the first ball count on his score?

demotivational · 03-02-2009, 02:59 PM

I will have to get my dad to explain this one for me =)

Redlemon · 03-03-2009, 10:45 AM

So, he shoved the second ball up he ass in case the blow to the head didn't kill her? Or am I still lost?

gardens · 03-03-2009, 07:27 PM

good joke
little sad that it ruined a good day of golf

I hate doing this...

His first shot hit her in the rear his second her head, why she stayed there after the first I don't know

I don't think he finished the game so hes not going to factor his score in his cap

aphex140 · 03-05-2009, 03:44 AM

pure quality !!!

SabrinaFair · 03-05-2009, 12:44 PM

Another good reason for me not to use the women's tee....

SirLance · 03-12-2009, 06:13 PM

You have to be a golfer to get it, but it's funny as hell.

02-26-2009, 03:11 AM	#1 (permalink)
uncle phil comfortably numb... Super Moderator Location: upstate	On the Links Vern was teeing off from the men's tee. On his downswing, he realized that his wife, Lucretia, was teeing up on the woman's tee directly in front of him. Unable to stop his swing, he nailed it, and hit her directly in the head, killing her instantly. A few days later, Verne got a call from the coroner regarding her autopsy. Coroner: "Verne, your wife seemed to have died from blunt force trauma to the head. You said you hit a golf ball and hit her in the head, is that correct?" Verne: "Yes, sir, that's correct." Coroner: " Well, inexplicably I found a golf ball wedged up her rear." Verne: "Was it a Titleist 3?" Coroner: "Yes, it was." Verne: "That was my provisional." __________________ "We were wrong, terribly wrong. (We) should not have tried to fight a guerrilla war with conventional military tactics against a foe willing to absorb enormous casualties...in a country lacking the fundamental political stability necessary to conduct effective military and pacification operations. It could not be done and it was not done." - Robert S. McNamara ----------------------------------------- "We will take our napalm and flame throwers out of the land that scarcely knows the use of matches... We will leave you your small joys and smaller troubles." - Eugene McCarthy in "Vietnam Message" ----------------------------------------- never wrestle with a pig. you both get dirty; the pig likes it.

02-26-2009, 11:08 AM	#2 (permalink)
Redlemon Devoted Donor Location: New England	/doesn't play golf, doesn't get joke __________________ I can't read your signature. Sorry.

02-26-2009, 02:35 PM	#3 (permalink)
phathom Crazy	Play golf and still don't get it. I'm guessing it's interchangeable with "mulligan" __________________ -snooch to the nooch

02-26-2009, 03:00 PM	#4 (permalink)
uncle phil comfortably numb... Super Moderator Location: upstate	when one either thinks he loses his tee shot, or thinks it may have gone out of bounds, he is entitled to a "provisional" shot off the tee and is allowed to play that ball should the original never be located or is located out of bounds...... __________________ "We were wrong, terribly wrong. (We) should not have tried to fight a guerrilla war with conventional military tactics against a foe willing to absorb enormous casualties...in a country lacking the fundamental political stability necessary to conduct effective military and pacification operations. It could not be done and it was not done." - Robert S. McNamara ----------------------------------------- "We will take our napalm and flame throwers out of the land that scarcely knows the use of matches... We will leave you your small joys and smaller troubles." - Eugene McCarthy in "Vietnam Message" ----------------------------------------- never wrestle with a pig. you both get dirty; the pig likes it.

03-01-2009, 02:51 PM	#6 (permalink)
PayUp DILLIGAF Location: AZ	I will have to share this one at Monday afternoons tee time __________________ Born to Lose.

02-27-2009, 01:23 AM	#5 (permalink)
Cuddly Knife Banned	don't get it

03-01-2009, 05:27 PM	#7 (permalink)
Tully Mars Living in a Warmer Insanity Super Moderator Location: Yucatan, Mexico	Yes, but the important question is did the first ball count on his score? __________________ I used to drink to drown my sorrows, but the damned things have learned how to swim- Frida Kahlo Vice President Starkizzer Fan Club

03-02-2009, 02:59 PM	#8 (permalink)
demotivational Upright	I will have to get my dad to explain this one for me =) __________________ demotivational posters

03-03-2009, 10:45 AM	#9 (permalink)
Redlemon Devoted Donor Location: New England	So, he shoved the second ball up he ass in case the blow to the head didn't kill her? Or am I still lost? __________________ I can't read your signature. Sorry.

03-03-2009, 07:27 PM	#10 (permalink)
gardens Tilted Location: Kolob	good joke little sad that it ruined a good day of golf I hate doing this... His first shot hit her in the rear his second her head, why she stayed there after the first I don't know I don't think he finished the game so hes not going to factor his score in his cap

03-05-2009, 03:44 AM	#11 (permalink)
aphex140 Psycho Location: northamptonshire	pure quality !!! __________________ Computers allow us to make more mistakes at a faster rate than any other man-made thing, with the exception of handguns and tequila. [/QUOTE=BAMF]Do they role a die, with a 1/3 chance of being flacid?[/QUOTE]

03-05-2009, 12:44 PM	#12 (permalink)
SabrinaFair Junkie Location: Louisville, KY	Another good reason for me not to use the women's tee.... __________________ "With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Be cheerful. Strive to be happy." -Desiderata

03-12-2009, 06:13 PM	#13 (permalink)
SirLance Junkie Location: In the middle of the desert.	You have to be a golfer to get it, but it's funny as hell. __________________ DEMOCRACY is where your vote counts, FEUDALISM is where your count votes.