uncle phil

A Christmas Story for people having a bad day:

When four of Santa's elves got sick, the trainee elves did not produce toys as fast as the regular ones, and Santa began to feel the Pre-Christmas pressure.

Then Mrs. Claus told Santa her Mother was coming to visit, which stressed Santa even more.

When he went to harness the reindeer, he found that three of them were about to give birth and two others had jumped the fence and were out, Heaven knows where.

Then when he began to load the sleigh, one of the floorboards cracked, the toy bag fell to the ground and all the toys were scattered.

Frustrated, Santa went in the house for a cup of apple cider and a shot of rum. When he went to the cupboard, he discovered the elves had drank all the cider and hidden the liquor. In his frustration, he accidentally dropped the cider jug, and it broke into hundreds of little glass pieces all over the kitchen floor. He went to get the broom and found the mice had eaten all the straw off the end of the broom.

Just then the doorbell rang, and irritated Santa marched to the door, yanked it open, and there stood a little angel with a great big Christmas tree. The angel said very cheerfully, 'Merry Christmas, Santa. Isn't this a lovely day? I have a beautiful tree for you. Where would you like me to stick it?'

And so began the tradition of the little angel on top of the Christmas tree.

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"We were wrong, terribly wrong. (We) should not have tried to fight a guerrilla war with conventional military tactics against a foe willing to absorb enormous casualties...in a country lacking the fundamental political stability necessary to conduct effective military and pacification operations. It could not be done and it was not done."
- Robert S. McNamara
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"We will take our napalm and flame throwers out of the land that scarcely knows the use of matches...
We will leave you your small joys and smaller troubles."
- Eugene McCarthy in "Vietnam Message"
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never wrestle with a pig.
you both get dirty;
the pig likes it.

Deltona Couple

I LOVE IT!!!!! lol

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"It is not that I have failed, but that I have found 10,000 ways that it DOESN'T work!" --Thomas Edison

begavet

Lol very nice!

Brewmaniac

The most Classic Christmas story of all!

Thank you & Merry Christmas to all!

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"That's a joke... I say, that's a joke, son"

Anxst

My father basically used to tell me this story every year when I was having a bad day dealing with holiday stress, even when I was pretty little.

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Don't mind me. I'm just releasing the insanity pressure from my headvalves.

grumpyolddude

I've found my new Christmas Card message! Thanks, phil!

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"Regret can be a harder pill to swallow than failure .With failure you at least know you gave it a chance..." David Howard

Xerxys

Cest fantastic!!

carrot glace

classic story

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"blaine is a pain and that is the truth"