Amaras

This guy makes me laugh out loud when I read his jokes.
Here's one, if you like it, I'll post more;
“I bought a doughnut and they gave me a receipt for the doughnut. I don’t need a receipt for the doughnut, I’ll just give you money and you give me the doughnut. End of transaction. We don’t need to bring ink and paper into this. I can’t imagine a scenario in which I would need to prove that I bought a doughnut. Some skeptical friend? ‘Don’t even act like I didn’t buy a doughnut, I’ve got the documentation right here. Oh wait, it’s back home in the file . . . under ‘D’, for doughnut.’”

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Propaganda is to a democracy what the bludgeon is to a totalitarian state.
-Noam Chomsky
Love is a verb, not a noun.
-My Mom
The function of genius is to furnish cretins with ideas twenty years later.
-Louis Aragon, "La Porte-plume," Traite du style, 1928

Jetée

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As human beings, our greatness lies not so much in being able to remake the world (that is the myth of the Atomic Age) as in being able to remake ourselves.

—Mohandas K. Gandhi

CinnamonGirl

I love Mitch Hedberg. "I have noticed that a duck's opinion of me is greatly influenced by whether or not I have bread."

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"...for though she was ordinary, she possessed health, wit, courage, charm, and cheerfulness. But because she was not beautiful, no one ever seemed to notice these other qualities, which is so often the way of the world."


"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?"

noodle

i like toast.

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Starkizzer

Much of the humor with Mitch really does lie in his delivery. Reading some of these, its like its humorous but I'm not laughing out loud, but when you hear him say the bit your rolling on the floor.

*R.I.P.*

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Frivolity, at the edge of a Moral Swamp, hears Hymn-Singing in the Distance and dons the Galoshes of Remorse. ~Edward Gorey

im2smrt4u

“An escalator can never break: it can only become stairs. You would never see an Escalator Temporarily Out Of Order sign, just Escalator Temporarily Stairs. Sorry for the convenience.”

Best bit ever!

Attached Images

mitchtrib.jpg (33.5 KB, 296 views)

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Starkizzer Fan Club - President & Founder

telekinetic

So glad I got to see him live.

"I had my hair highlighted because I thought some strands were more important than others. This one you better remember, this one you can ignore. This one's gonna be on the fucking test!"

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twisted no more

CinnamonGirl

That's an excellent point... his delivery was what really made the jokes.

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"...for though she was ordinary, she possessed health, wit, courage, charm, and cheerfulness. But because she was not beautiful, no one ever seemed to notice these other qualities, which is so often the way of the world."


"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?"

skizziks

My favorite Mitch Hedberg line - I dont have a microwave oven, i have a clock that occasionally cooks shit. Dude was a genius.

ratbastid

Yeah, absolutely true, but at the same time his delivery was so awkward and stilted... Almost like he was reading the jokes from a page. It's weird that such a disaffected manner would bring already-good material to life the way it did. But it DID. I can't even READ his material without hearing his voice in my head.

Mitch is definitely among my top three favorite dead comics. It's good company--he's up there with Carlin and Hicks.

telekinetic

He was. At least when I saw him live, he had five or six sheets of college rule notebook paper that he read through...I think he would memorize a sets worth for his TV specials, but normally he was a joke reader. Didn't make him any less awesome.

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twisted no more

ratbastid

Well how about that. I never had the luck to see him live.

Saw Brian Regan a few months ago, though. He's fun in person--really plays with the audience.

lostgirl

Same here, as soon I read these I could imagine him telling the jokes on one of his specials.

He was very funny, I'm sorry to hear he has passed.

DiffEng

No one can properly do a Mitch Hedberg routine. You just have to know how he talks and, he's the only one who could pull it off.

"Never play tennis against a wall, they're relentless."

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Plan for today:
1. Contemplate end of world
2. Build fort out of sofa

Amaras

It's true. I can usually get my fiancee to laugh at jokes. When I try Mitch's, it never works.

__________________
Propaganda is to a democracy what the bludgeon is to a totalitarian state.
-Noam Chomsky
Love is a verb, not a noun.
-My Mom
The function of genius is to furnish cretins with ideas twenty years later.
-Louis Aragon, "La Porte-plume," Traite du style, 1928

Martian

To Magpie's eternal embarrassment, every time I order a club sandwich in a restaurant I exclaim 'and I'm not even a member!'

Even occasionally in his recorded shows, he had notes with him. It's been a while since I've seen one, but I recall that much.

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I wake up in the morning more tired than before I slept
I get through cryin' and I'm sadder than before I wept
I get through thinkin' now, and the thoughts have left my head
I get through speakin' and I can't remember, not a word that I said

- Ben Harper, Show Me A Little Shame

ratbastid

I've been known to order a Club Sandwich SO I can make that joke.

"And in the middle, we will dump chips."

telekinetic

"Or potato salad...." "I'm good with it!"

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twisted no more

highdro69

"I love cinnamon buns, but I don't always have time to bake a pan. That's why I wish they made a cinnamon buns scented incense. So that I can just light a stick, and have my roommates wake up with false hopes."

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"It is no measure of health to be well adjusted to a profoundly sick society."

ratbastid

What is your position on little frilly toothpicks?

telekinetic

I'm FOR 'EM!

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twisted no more

ratbastid

Well, this club is formed.

telekinetic

Guess now you can't say your one liner anymore! hehe

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twisted no more

Magpie_1

I miss him.

Tully Mars

"I'm gonna fix that last joke by taking out all the words and adding new ones."

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I used to drink to drown my sorrows, but the damned things have learned how to swim- Frida Kahlo

Vice President Starkizzer Fan Club

CinnamonGirl

Me, too.

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"...for though she was ordinary, she possessed health, wit, courage, charm, and cheerfulness. But because she was not beautiful, no one ever seemed to notice these other qualities, which is so often the way of the world."


"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?"