Bad jokes.thread - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

TerresqueÜ · 06-29-2003, 06:31 PM

Bring out yer dead, bring out yer dead...jokes that is.

I'll get us started.

A guy breaks his arms and goes to the doctor to get casts on. He asks the doctor "Doc will I be able to play the piano when I get the casts off?" The doctor says "Of course you can." The man is elated and says "That's great, I couldn't before."

Conclamo Ludus · 06-29-2003, 06:33 PM

A horse walks into a bar and the bartender says "Why the long face?"

I'm sorry for that one.

Munku · 06-29-2003, 07:37 PM

A termite walks into a bar and asks, "Is the bartender here?"

Heres one to say on a skiing trip.

You know what, the first time I went skiing I broke a leg.

Thank god it wasn't mine!

Bigmac23 · 06-30-2003, 06:01 AM

A woman is travelling home in a taxi after a night out.
When she reaches her destination she realises she hasn't any money.
The taxi driver says "That will be £7.50, please"
She explains the situation, and rolls up her mini skirt to reveal her beaver, and says "will this do?"
The taxi driver replies..."Haven't you got anything smaller"!!!!!

Quietus · 06-30-2003, 11:09 PM

A priest, a rabbi, and a minister walk into a bar. The bartender says, "What is this, a joke?"

So... A baby seal walked into a club.

Pikey · 07-01-2003, 02:06 PM

A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm. He says to the bartender, "Gimme two drinks. One for me and one for the road."

A sandwich walks into a bar and the bartender exclaims, "We don't serve food in here."

viveleroi0 · 07-01-2003, 02:48 PM

I love these types of jokes

tripp · 07-01-2003, 05:35 PM

What has two legs and bleeds?

Half a dog.

bock · 07-02-2003, 09:05 AM

What's black and white and red all over, and has trouble getting through revolving doors?

A nun with a spear through her head

Slims · 07-03-2003, 01:38 AM

A baby seal walks into a club.

Slims · 07-03-2003, 01:40 AM

Oops, got another one.

Why did the monkey fall out of the tree?

Because it was dead.

Why did the second monkey fall out of the tree?

Because it was tied to the first one.

Why did the third monkey fall out of the tree?

Peer pressure.

-----

What's red, blue, and fucks little boys?

Roses, Violets and Michael Jackson.

Bigmac23 · 07-03-2003, 12:08 PM

Q: What's blue...and doesn't fit?
A: Adead epileptic

Bigmac23 · 07-03-2003, 12:13 PM

Q:What have Santa Claus and Michael Jackson got in common....
A: They both like to empty their sack on chidrens beds!!!......(allegedly)

icy_ca · 07-03-2003, 12:46 PM

A tied up piece of string walks into a bar.
The bartenders says, "We don't serve string here. Are you a piece of string?"
The string replies, "'Fraid knot."

vetoed_libido · 07-03-2003, 06:14 PM

Two atoms are walking side by side. One says to the other "Oh dear, I seem to have lost an electron!"

The second atom, worried for the first, replies "Are you sure?"

"I'm positive!"

cliche · 07-06-2003, 04:59 AM

Bear walks into a bar and says,
"I'll have a gin and..."

cliche · 07-06-2003, 05:01 AM

"...tonic please."

The bartender looks at him strangely and says,
"Sure. But why the huge pause?"

Bear looks at him quizzically.
"Dunno, always had 'em"

Boom boom, thank you ladies and gentlemen.

TheClarkster · 07-06-2003, 09:34 PM

A duck walks into a grocery store and asks the clerk
"Got any gwapes?"
The clerk replies
"No, we don't got any gwapes"
The duck leaves.
He comes back the next day and asks the same thing
"Got any gwapes?"
"No we aint got any gwapes"
Once again, the duck asks
"Got any gwapes?"
"No we dont got any gwapes and if you ask again I'm gonna staple your feet to the floor."
The duck then comes back the next day
"Got any staples?"
"No we dont have any staples"
Duck then asks
"Good. Got any gwapes?"

Ugh, so long and painful but I had to get it out, my friend says it every time I see them.

Jadey · 07-07-2003, 10:32 PM

What's the difference between Princess Diana and Tiger Woods?

Tiger knows how to pick a driver.

Kabsnow · 07-08-2003, 03:23 PM

the best jokes are the unpredictable ones.. like the nun 1..

LOL

these aren't bad, they're hilarious!

KrazyKracka · 07-08-2003, 07:57 PM

What do Pink Floyd and Princess Diana have in common?

Their last big hit was "The Wall".......

ok I'll stop now.

06-29-2003, 06:31 PM	#1 (permalink)
TerresqueÜ Hiding Out	Bad jokes.thread Bring out yer dead, bring out yer dead...jokes that is. I'll get us started. A guy breaks his arms and goes to the doctor to get casts on. He asks the doctor "Doc will I be able to play the piano when I get the casts off?" The doctor says "Of course you can." The man is elated and says "That's great, I couldn't before." __________________ Say yes to the 'Tilted Roleplaying' Forum http://www.tfproject.org/tfp/showthread.php?s=&threadid=1932&highlight=petition

06-29-2003, 06:33 PM	#2 (permalink)
Conclamo Ludus Modern Man Location: West Michigan	A horse walks into a bar and the bartender says "Why the long face?" I'm sorry for that one. __________________ Lord, have mercy on my wicked soul I wouldn't mistreat you baby, for my weight in gold. -Son House, Death Letter Blues

07-01-2003, 02:48 PM	#7 (permalink)
viveleroi0 Psycho Location: Oregon	I love these types of jokes __________________ "It's not that I don't understand, it's that I don't care" - Homer Simpson

07-03-2003, 01:38 AM	#10 (permalink)
Slims Eccentric insomniac Location: North Carolina	A baby seal walks into a club. __________________ "Socialism is a philosophy of failure, the creed of ignorance, and the gospel of envy, its inherent virtue is the equal sharing of misery." - Winston Churchill "All men dream: but not equally. Those who dream by night in the dusty recesses of their minds wake in the day to find that it was vanity: but the dreamers of the day are dangerous men, for they may act out their dream with open eyes, to make it possible." Seven Pillars of Wisdom, T.E. Lawrence

07-03-2003, 01:40 AM	#11 (permalink)
Slims Eccentric insomniac Location: North Carolina	Oops, got another one. Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? Because it was dead. Why did the second monkey fall out of the tree? Because it was tied to the first one. Why did the third monkey fall out of the tree? Peer pressure. ----- What's red, blue, and fucks little boys? Roses, Violets and Michael Jackson. __________________ "Socialism is a philosophy of failure, the creed of ignorance, and the gospel of envy, its inherent virtue is the equal sharing of misery." - Winston Churchill "All men dream: but not equally. Those who dream by night in the dusty recesses of their minds wake in the day to find that it was vanity: but the dreamers of the day are dangerous men, for they may act out their dream with open eyes, to make it possible." Seven Pillars of Wisdom, T.E. Lawrence

06-29-2003, 07:37 PM	#3 (permalink)
Munku Lost Location: Florida	A termite walks into a bar and asks, "Is the bartender here?" Heres one to say on a skiing trip. You know what, the first time I went skiing I broke a leg. Thank god it wasn't mine!

06-30-2003, 06:01 AM	#4 (permalink)
Bigmac23 Upright	A woman is travelling home in a taxi after a night out. When she reaches her destination she realises she hasn't any money. The taxi driver says "That will be £7.50, please" She explains the situation, and rolls up her mini skirt to reveal her beaver, and says "will this do?" The taxi driver replies..."Haven't you got anything smaller"!!!!!

06-30-2003, 11:09 PM	#5 (permalink)
Quietus Tilted Location: Tempe, AZ	A priest, a rabbi, and a minister walk into a bar. The bartender says, "What is this, a joke?" So... A baby seal walked into a club.

07-01-2003, 02:06 PM	#6 (permalink)
Pikey Upright	A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm. He says to the bartender, "Gimme two drinks. One for me and one for the road." A sandwich walks into a bar and the bartender exclaims, "We don't serve food in here."

07-01-2003, 05:35 PM	#8 (permalink)
tripp Upright	What has two legs and bleeds? Half a dog.

07-02-2003, 09:05 AM	#9 (permalink)
bock Upright	What's black and white and red all over, and has trouble getting through revolving doors? A nun with a spear through her head

07-03-2003, 12:08 PM	#12 (permalink)
Bigmac23 Upright	Q: What's blue...and doesn't fit? A: Adead epileptic

07-03-2003, 12:13 PM	#13 (permalink)
Bigmac23 Upright	Q:What have Santa Claus and Michael Jackson got in common.... A: They both like to empty their sack on chidrens beds!!!......(allegedly)

07-03-2003, 12:46 PM	#14 (permalink)
icy_ca Insane Location: Steel Town, Ontario	A tied up piece of string walks into a bar. The bartenders says, "We don't serve string here. Are you a piece of string?" The string replies, "'Fraid knot." __________________ After all is said and done, more is said than done.

07-03-2003, 06:14 PM	#15 (permalink)
vetoed_libido Upright Location: Toronto-ish	Two atoms are walking side by side. One says to the other "Oh dear, I seem to have lost an electron!" The second atom, worried for the first, replies "Are you sure?" "I'm positive!" __________________ Yes, you may.

07-06-2003, 04:59 AM	#16 (permalink)
cliche Rookie Location: Oxford, UK	Bear walks into a bar and says, "I'll have a gin and..." __________________ I can't understand why people are frightened of new ideas. I'm frightened of the old ones. -- John Cage (1912 - 1992)

07-06-2003, 05:01 AM	#17 (permalink)
cliche Rookie Location: Oxford, UK	"...tonic please." The bartender looks at him strangely and says, "Sure. But why the huge pause?" Bear looks at him quizzically. "Dunno, always had 'em" Boom boom, thank you ladies and gentlemen. __________________ I can't understand why people are frightened of new ideas. I'm frightened of the old ones. -- John Cage (1912 - 1992)

07-06-2003, 09:34 PM	#18 (permalink)
TheClarkster Very Proud of Ya Location: Simi Valley, CA	A duck walks into a grocery store and asks the clerk "Got any gwapes?" The clerk replies "No, we don't got any gwapes" The duck leaves. He comes back the next day and asks the same thing "Got any gwapes?" "No we aint got any gwapes" Once again, the duck asks "Got any gwapes?" "No we dont got any gwapes and if you ask again I'm gonna staple your feet to the floor." The duck then comes back the next day "Got any staples?" "No we dont have any staples" Duck then asks "Good. Got any gwapes?" Ugh, so long and painful but I had to get it out, my friend says it every time I see them. __________________ Do not speak Latin in front of the books.

07-07-2003, 10:32 PM	#19 (permalink)
Jadey This Space For Rent Location: Davenport, Iowa	What's the difference between Princess Diana and Tiger Woods? Tiger knows how to pick a driver.

07-08-2003, 03:23 PM	#20 (permalink)
Kabsnow Registered User Location: CA	the best jokes are the unpredictable ones.. like the nun 1.. LOL these aren't bad, they're hilarious!

07-08-2003, 07:57 PM	#21 (permalink)
KrazyKracka Crazy Location: PA	What do Pink Floyd and Princess Diana have in common? Their last big hit was "The Wall"....... ok I'll stop now.