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06-29-2003, 12:18 PM
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#1 (permalink) |
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Chilled to Perfection
Location: Dallas, TX
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Headaches
Ever since his late teens Jim had suffered from terrible headaches.
Finally, in desperation and after years of misery, he sought medical advice. Many tests later the doctor sat down with Jim to deliver his diagnosis. The doctor said, "Jim, I have both good and bad news. The good news is I can cure your headaches... the bad news is that it will require castration. You have a very rare condition, which causes your testicles to press up against the base of your spine. The pressure creates one hell of a headache. The only way medical science can relieve the pressure is to remove the testicles." Jim was shocked and depressed. He wondered if he had anything to live for. He couldn't concentrate long enough to answer, but decided he had no choice. "Cut 'em." When he left the hospital he was without a headache for the first time in 20 years, but he felt like he was missing an important part of himself. As he walked down the street, Jim realized that he felt like a different person - he could make a new beginning and live a new life. Seeing a men's clothing store he thought, "That's what I need, a new suit." He entered the shop and told the salesman, "I'd like a new suit." The elderly tailor eyed him briefly and said, "Let's see... size 44 long." Jim laughed, "That's right, how did you know?" Been in the business 60 years!" Jim tried on the suit. It fit perfectly. As Jim admired himself in the mirror, the salesman asked, "How about a new shirt?" Jim thought for a moment and then said, "Sure." The salesman eyed Jim and said, "Let's see...34 sleeve and 16 and a half neck." Jim was surprised, "That's right, how did you know?" Been in the business 60 years!" Jim tried on the shirt, and it fit perfectly. As he adjusted the collar in the mirror, the salesman asked, "How about new shoes?" Jim was on a roll now and said, "Sure." The salesman eyed his feet and said, "Let's see... 9-1/2 E." Jim was astonished, "That's right, how did you know?" Been in the business 60 years!" Jim tried on the shoes and they fit perfectly. He walked comfortably around the shop and the salesman asked, "How about some new underwear?" Jim thought for a second and said, "Sure." The salesman stepped back, eyed Jim's waist and said, "Let's see...size 36." Jim laughed, "Ah hah I got you! I've worn size 34 since I was 18 years old." The salesman shook his head, "You can't wear a size 34. Size 34 underwear would press your testicles up against the base of your spine and give you one hell of a headache
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What's the difference between congress and a penitentiary? One is filled with tax evaders, blackmailers and threats to society. The other is for housing prisoners. ~~David Letterman |
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