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Once on the filming of Walker, Texas Ranger, when Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked a stunt man, his foot went so fast that it traveled back in time and kicked Amelia Earnhart in the head killing her on her last voyage.
The chemical formula for the highly toxic cyanide ion is CN-. These are also Chuck Norris' initials. This is not a coincidence. Although it is not common knowledge, there are three sides of the force, the light side, the dark side, and Chuck Norris. As a teen, Chuck Norris impregnated every nun in a covet in the back hills of Tunsca, nine months later the nuns gave birth to the 1972 Miami Dolphins, the only undefeated and untied team in professional history. Chuck Norris can blow bubbles with beef jerky. When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes ever. and my personal all time fav.... Chuck Norris can enter up, up, down, down, left, right, left, right, B, A, Select, Start using only his erection. yes its like that... There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live. |
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Did you hear that they named a street after Chuck Norris?
It became the street with the highest fatality rate in the world because no one crosses Chuck Norris and lives. |
Chuck Norris puts the laughter in manslaughter.
On the SAT if you put Chuck Norris for every answer you will score over 8000. Chuck Norris is not only a noun, but a verb. Chuck Norris once bench-pressed the entire state of Ohio, and all of its residents. The Seven Wonders of the ancient world were: Chuck Norris' left and right hands, his left and right feet, his belly button, his liver, and his beard. The world's fastest car now has 7 gears. 5, 6, and Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris eats eight meals a day. Seven are steak, and the last is the rest of the cow. |
Chuck Norris knows what's eating Gilbert Grape.
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just made that one up |
The from the anti-chuck joke file.
Every night Chuck Norris goes home and prays to god. That god... is Bruce Campbell. |
Chuck Norris plays racquetball with a waffle iron and a bowling ball.
Chuck Norris is not Politically Correct. He is just Correct. Always. Those aren't credits that roll after Walker Texas Ranger. It is actually a list of fatalities that occurred during the making of the episode. Chuck Norris had to stop washing his clothes in the ocean. The tsunamis were killing people. They were going to release a Chuck Norris edition of Clue, but the answer always turns out to be "Chuck Norris. In The Library. With a Roundhouse Kick." When you play Monopoly with Chuck Norris, you do not pass go, and you do not collect two hundred dollars. You will be lucky if you make it out alive. Chuck Norris knows the last digit of pi. |
Atari once made an arcade game called "Fight with Chuck Norris"
Basically, you put in a quarter, and it said "You lose" on the screen.... It was Atari's best selling game. |
chuck norris gets paid for sex regularly, even though noone fucks chuck norris
hmm, ive got to work on it |
Chuck Norris cannot wear a condom, as his sperm is teflon coated.
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my friend and i were once signing a release form to try an indoor climbing wall. my friend quietly mutters
"Chuck Norris is his own emergency contact." i found it quite humorous :D |
Bets on Chuck Norris are going at 1/1.
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When Chuck does push-ups he pushes the Earth down.
Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer, too bad hes never cried. |
Chuck Norris can make a woman climax simply by pointing and saying "Booya!"
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There are no WMD's in Iraq, Chuck Norris lives in Oklahoma.
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in order to survive a nuclear attack, you must remember to stop, drop, and be chuck norris
the bible says samson killed 15,000 philistines with the jawbone of an ass. when god asked chuck norris what he thought about that. he said "thats one way to do it." god laughed at chucks wisdom, and said, "i knew you were going to say that." we all know the magic word is please. as in the sentence "please dont kill me." too bad chuck norris doesnt believe in magic. |
Chuck Norris was born toilet trained. That's because no one shits on Chuck Norris, not even Chuck Norris.
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Chuck Norris took my virginity, and he will sure as hell take yours. if you're thinking to yourself, "thats impossible, i already lost my virginity." then you are dead wrong.
it never rains on Chuck Norris Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so fast that they actually grew younger. |
The PS3 is Chuck Norris' console of choice as well. It can cure cancer and will deflect bullets.
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Once, many years ago, a savage grizzly bear attacked an man in the woods. When the bear realised that that man was Chuck Norris it was so scared that it ran to the North Pole, and all of its descendants ever since have been born with white hair.
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Some people go on about how they only drink extra-strong coffee.
Chuck Norris eats coffee beans as though they were cereal. |
Chuck Norris can divide by zero
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Chuck Norris can literally kick Rachmaninov's Concerto No. 3 flawlessly out of a piano.
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Chuck Norris plays Russian roulette with a fully-loaded automatic machine gun. And wins.
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Chuck Norris cans and sells his own urine...
We know this as Red Bull. |
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