Rectum Stretcher - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

Double D · 06-26-2003, 02:20 PM

While I was flying down the road yesterday (only 10 mph over) I noticed a cop with a radar gun sitting on top of a bridge. The cop pulled me over, walked up to the car and asked me, "What's the hurry?"

I replied, "I'm late for work."

"Oh yeah," said the cop, "what do you do?"

I responded, "I'm a rectum stretcher."

The cop said "What? ... a rectum stretcher?, and what does a rectum stretcher do?"

I said, "Well, I start with one finger, then I work my way up to two fingers, then three, then four, then my whole hand, then I work until I can get both hands in there and then I slowly stretch it until it's about 6 foot wide."

The cop asked me, "What the hell do you do with a 6 foot asshole?"

I simply replied, "You give him a radar gun and park him on top of a bridge..."

The ticket - - $95.00

The look on his face - - PRICELESS

viveleroi0 · 06-26-2003, 02:56 PM

That is AWESOME!

eZecuel · 06-26-2003, 03:15 PM

excellent!

DEI37 · 06-26-2003, 04:31 PM

There is no better joke known to man, methinks. I love it.

ratbastid · 06-26-2003, 04:52 PM

YOW!!! Love it!

Flesh · 06-26-2003, 04:53 PM

rofl, great stuff!

drag0nmanes · 06-26-2003, 10:59 PM

Hahaha, not too shabby. Although 6 foot, ouch...

jwoody · 06-27-2003, 01:02 AM

Nice one.

bravo49 · 06-27-2003, 02:27 AM

Perfect

Munku · 06-27-2003, 08:26 PM

That is an awesome joke..

sooz · 06-28-2003, 12:42 AM

OMG AHAHAHA so great

Tiger69z · 11-30-2003, 12:22 AM

Lol Priceless indeed

KellyC · 11-30-2003, 02:04 AM

dammit...by the time i get the joke, i can't laugh at it any more....but yah....its good

bravo49 · 11-30-2003, 08:57 AM

First one today, bloody perfect

boxcarracer277 · 11-30-2003, 04:26 PM

Very awesome. . .I'd like to see somebody with the balls to actually do it.

arael · 11-30-2003, 05:11 PM

oh man, i heard this one before... never thought anyone would do it in real life. man, u got some balls

TerresqueÜ · 11-30-2003, 07:35 PM

Hahaha! Too funny!

Evil Milkman · 11-30-2003, 09:13 PM

Oh my god, awesome!

slimshaydee · 12-02-2003, 03:06 AM

LMAO! What a pisser

Fly · 12-02-2003, 08:10 AM

bwahahahahah...............

*breath*

bwahahahahahaha................

microdot · 12-02-2003, 12:03 PM

Seeing as I just got pulled over today, this humors me quite a bit.

SocialAbortion · 12-02-2003, 11:56 PM

Ahaha. this is classic.

I'd love to see someone actually do this.

Silverbrain · 12-04-2003, 09:36 PM

Fantastic joke, thanks!

mirevolver · 12-04-2003, 10:18 PM

That's great, can't stop laughing.

Jadey · 12-04-2003, 10:27 PM

Ha-ha! That was great!

TheFirstDuffMan · 12-06-2003, 06:55 PM

Gold!

VitaminH · 12-06-2003, 08:52 PM

That would be quite the burn on the ole copper...nice

moose · 12-07-2003, 12:44 AM

very nice... hahahaaha

sartan · 12-27-2003, 06:55 PM

Thats a good one, thanks for sharing

gloveshot3 · 12-31-2003, 07:39 AM

me thinks yer ticket would be a tad more than $95 for that one

06-26-2003, 02:20 PM	#1 (permalink)
Double D Junkie Location: Chicagoland	Rectum Stretcher While I was flying down the road yesterday (only 10 mph over) I noticed a cop with a radar gun sitting on top of a bridge. The cop pulled me over, walked up to the car and asked me, "What's the hurry?" I replied, "I'm late for work." "Oh yeah," said the cop, "what do you do?" I responded, "I'm a rectum stretcher." The cop said "What? ... a rectum stretcher?, and what does a rectum stretcher do?" I said, "Well, I start with one finger, then I work my way up to two fingers, then three, then four, then my whole hand, then I work until I can get both hands in there and then I slowly stretch it until it's about 6 foot wide." The cop asked me, "What the hell do you do with a 6 foot asshole?" I simply replied, "You give him a radar gun and park him on top of a bridge..." The ticket - - $95.00 The look on his face - - PRICELESS

06-26-2003, 02:56 PM	#2 (permalink)
viveleroi0 Psycho Location: Oregon	That is AWESOME! __________________ "It's not that I don't understand, it's that I don't care" - Homer Simpson

06-26-2003, 04:31 PM	#4 (permalink)
DEI37 Go faster! Location: Wisconsin	There is no better joke known to man, methinks. I love it. __________________ Generally speaking, if you were to get what you really deserve, you might be unpleasantly surprised.

06-27-2003, 01:02 AM	#8 (permalink)
jwoody Shackle Me Not Location: Newcastle - England.	Nice one. __________________ .

06-28-2003, 12:42 AM	#11 (permalink)
sooz Crazy Location: Somewhere in the middle	OMG AHAHAHA so great __________________ -sooz

06-26-2003, 03:15 PM	#3 (permalink)
eZecuel Upright	excellent!

06-26-2003, 04:52 PM	#5 (permalink)
ratbastid Darth Papa Location: Yonder	YOW!!! Love it!

06-26-2003, 04:53 PM	#6 (permalink)
Flesh Psycho	rofl, great stuff!

06-26-2003, 10:59 PM	#7 (permalink)
drag0nmanes Crazy Location: Oside	Hahaha, not too shabby. Although 6 foot, ouch...

06-27-2003, 02:27 AM	#9 (permalink)
bravo49 Junkie Location: chocolate city	Perfect

06-27-2003, 08:26 PM	#10 (permalink)
Munku Lost Location: Florida	That is an awesome joke..

11-30-2003, 12:22 AM	#12 (permalink)
Tiger69z Banned Location: Sunny S.FLA	Lol Priceless indeed

11-30-2003, 02:04 AM	#13 (permalink)
KellyC Comment or else!! Location: Home sweet home	dammit...by the time i get the joke, i can't laugh at it any more....but yah....its good __________________ Him: Ok, I have to ask, what do you believe? Me: Shit happens.

11-30-2003, 08:57 AM	#14 (permalink)
bravo49 Junkie Location: chocolate city	First one today, bloody perfect

11-30-2003, 04:26 PM	#15 (permalink)
boxcarracer277 Tilted	Very awesome. . .I'd like to see somebody with the balls to actually do it.

11-30-2003, 07:35 PM	#17 (permalink)
TerresqueÜ Hiding Out	Hahaha! Too funny! __________________ Say yes to the 'Tilted Roleplaying' Forum http://www.tfproject.org/tfp/showthread.php?s=&threadid=1932&highlight=petition

11-30-2003, 09:13 PM	#18 (permalink)
Evil Milkman Addict Location: Illinois	Oh my god, awesome!

12-02-2003, 03:06 AM	#19 (permalink)
slimshaydee If you've read this, PM me and say so Location: Sitting on my ass, and you?	LMAO! What a pisser

12-02-2003, 08:10 AM	#20 (permalink)
Fly see the links to my music? Location: Beautiful British Columbia	bwahahahahah............... breath bwahahahahahaha................ __________________ BASTARD SterlingStudios

11-30-2003, 05:11 PM	#16 (permalink)
arael Banned	oh man, i heard this one before... never thought anyone would do it in real life. man, u got some balls

12-02-2003, 12:03 PM	#21 (permalink)
microdot Crazy	Seeing as I just got pulled over today, this humors me quite a bit.

12-02-2003, 11:56 PM	#22 (permalink)
SocialAbortion Tilted Location: Somewhere between heaven and hell.	Ahaha. this is classic. I'd love to see someone actually do this. __________________ I like your mom, and it's no fad, I want to marry her and be your dad. I am un chien andalusia.

12-04-2003, 09:36 PM	#23 (permalink)
Silverbrain Addict Location: Nor Cal	Fantastic joke, thanks! __________________ Over Thinking, Over Analyzing Seperates the Body from the Mind - MJK

12-04-2003, 10:18 PM	#24 (permalink)
mirevolver Inspired by the mind's eye. Location: Between the darkness and the light.	That's great, can't stop laughing. __________________ Aside from my great plans to become the future dictator of the moon, I have little interest in political discussions.

12-04-2003, 10:27 PM	#25 (permalink)
Jadey This Space For Rent Location: Davenport, Iowa	Ha-ha! That was great!

12-06-2003, 06:55 PM	#26 (permalink)
TheFirstDuffMan Tilted	Gold!

12-06-2003, 08:52 PM	#27 (permalink)
VitaminH An embarrassment to myself and those around me... Location: Pants	That would be quite the burn on the ole copper...nice __________________ "Glory is fleeting, but obscurity is forever." - Napoleon Bonaparte

12-07-2003, 12:44 AM	#28 (permalink)
moose Crazy	very nice... hahahaaha

12-27-2003, 06:55 PM	#29 (permalink)
sartan Tilted	Thats a good one, thanks for sharing

12-31-2003, 07:39 AM	#30 (permalink)
gloveshot3 Crazy	me thinks yer ticket would be a tad more than $95 for that one