uncle phil

Many times when I am troubled or confused, I find comfort in sitting in my back yard and having a gin and tonic along with a quiet conversation with Jesus. This happened to me again after a particularly difficult day.

I said "Jesus, why do I work so hard?"

And I heard the reply: "Men find many ways to demonstrate the love they have for their family. You work hard to have a peaceful, beautiful place for your friends and family to gather."

I said: "I thought that money was the root of all evil."

And the reply was: "No, the LOVE of money is the root of all evil. Money is a tool; it can be used for good or bad".

I was starting to feel better, but I still had that one burning question,
so I asked it. "Jesus," I said, "what is the meaning of life? Why am I here?"

He replied: "That is a question many men ask. The answer is in your heart and is different for everyone. I would love to chat with you some more, Senor, but for now, I must finish your lawn."

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"We were wrong, terribly wrong. (We) should not have tried to fight a guerrilla war with conventional military tactics against a foe willing to absorb enormous casualties...in a country lacking the fundamental political stability necessary to conduct effective military and pacification operations. It could not be done and it was not done."
- Robert S. McNamara
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"We will take our napalm and flame throwers out of the land that scarcely knows the use of matches...
We will leave you your small joys and smaller troubles."
- Eugene McCarthy in "Vietnam Message"
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never wrestle with a pig.
you both get dirty;
the pig likes it.

Willravel

Hahahahahhaa

Martian

Awesome!

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I wake up in the morning more tired than before I slept
I get through cryin' and I'm sadder than before I wept
I get through thinkin' now, and the thoughts have left my head
I get through speakin' and I can't remember, not a word that I said

- Ben Harper, Show Me A Little Shame

bhamv

Heh heh heh... nice twist.

Punk.of.Ages

I totally didn't see that coming. As soon as I saw senor the accent in my head changed.

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"The fact is that censorship always defeats its own purpose, for it creates, in the end, the kind of society that is incapable of exercising real discretion..." - Henry Steel Commager

"Punk rock music is great music played by really bad, drunk musicians." -Fat Mike

dirtyrascal7

hahaha, that rocked.

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"Tie yourself to your limitless potential, rather than your limiting past."

"Every man I meet is my superior in some way. In that, I learn of him."

DaveOrion

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Syriana...have you ever tried liquid MDMA?....Liquid MDMA? No....Arash, when you wanna do this?.....After prayer...

laconic1

ha ha, that was a good one!

absofsteel

He he he! good one

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Remember, no matter where you go...there you are

Elegia

Nice one!

healer

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troit

I agree - that senor was like a slap across the face that brought me back to reality.

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I've yet to dephile myself...

StellaLuna

That's wonderful!

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Screw tradition!

Charlatan

Hey-zeus is a wise fellow.

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"My hands are on fire. Hands are on fire. Ain't got no more time for all you charlatans and liars."
- Old Man Luedecke

robot_parade

Heh. I told this to my friend, who's name is 'Jesus' (heh-soos). He thought it was great.

loganmule

this is hilarious. can't wait to share it with people at work