Crack

This is what I like to call "Job Security". This is a totally real, unchanged (except I moved the format around so you can read it from top to bottom) e-mail from a teller at the bank where I am a Net Admin. Not even a blond...

From: poor, poor clueless user
Sent: Thursday, October 26, 2006 10:03 AM
To: Crack
Subject: hey


i have a computer question...

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From: Crack
Sent: Thursday, October 26, 2006 1:45 PM
To: poor, poor clueless user
Subject: RE: hey


shoot.

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From: poor, poor clueless user
Sent: Thursday, October 26, 2006 2:09 PM
To: Crack
Subject: RE: hey


OK MY COMPUTER AT HOME IS MESSIN UP... EVERY TIME I TURN IT ON, IT MAKES A SCREECHING SOUND AND SAYS KEYBOARD FAILURE, AND THEN I CANT USE MY KEYBOARD OR MY MOUSE... NOW IS IT MY KEYBOARD OR IS IT A VIRUS, OR WHAT??? I HAVE TRIED UNHOOKING THE KEYBOARD, AND IT DOESNT MAKE THE SOUND WHEN I DO TAHT...

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From: Crack
Sent: Thursday, October 26, 2006 2:13 PM
To: poor, poor clueless user
Subject: RE: hey


It's most likely your keyboard, go buy a new one for $15 an test it out.


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From: poor, poor clueless user
Sent: Thursday, October 26, 2006 2:34 PM
To: Crack
Subject: RE: hey


YOU GOT 15 BUCKS? WAT IF IT ISNT THAT???...

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From: Crack
Sent: Thursday, October 26, 2006 2:36 PM
To: poor, poor clueless user
Subject: RE: hey


Then you have a new keyboard.

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From: poor, poor clueless user
Sent: Thursday, October 26, 2006 2:51 PM
To: Crack
Subject: RE: hey


JERK

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From: Crack
Sent: Thursday, October 26, 2006 3:01 PM
To: poor, poor clueless user
Subject: RE: hey


Any keyboard will work then, if you know it works. Just make sure it has a PS/2 connection.

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From: poor, poor clueless user
Sent: Thursday, October 26, 2006 3:02 PM
To: Crack
Subject: RE: hey


PS2???

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From: Crack
Sent: Thursday, October 26, 2006 3:03 PM
To: poor, poor clueless user
Subject: RE: hey


Yep, most are PS2 now, but some have a USB connection, don't get those.


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From: poor, poor clueless user
Sent: Thursday, October 26, 2006 3:05 PM
To: Crack
Subject: RE: hey


oooooo ok.

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From: Crack
Sent: Thursday, October 26, 2006 3:10 PM
To: poor, poor clueless user
Subject: RE: hey


but then you will also see some keyboards with serial connections, those are ok if you want to go that route. On the other hand that might become more problematic as you start to process more and more data, as the serial connections cannot keep up with you. on average, how much data you you process per hour? Is it more than 2 terraflops? If so, you might want to get the USB keyboard with the enhanced 14DS/pt extention. That should work well for what you are doing.

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From: poor, poor clueless user
Sent: Thursday, October 26, 2006 3:19 PM
To: Crack
Subject: RE: hey


ENGLISH PLEASE. CANT I JUST GO BUY A FRIGGIN KEYBOARD W/ A PC THING??

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From: Crack
Sent: Thursday, October 26, 2006 3:23 PM
To: poor, poor clueless user
Subject: RE: hey


good luck! Just wait until you get it home and it doesn't fit your computer. I would ask the salesperson at the store where you are going to buy it at if they even have a keyboard with an enhanced 14DS/pt extention first, most do, but some do not. If you are looking for cheaper, you can find a R4D4 Keyboard for not a lot of money, but they also lack the ability to do mulitple MPQ format files, and I mean come on, who doesn't do multiple MPQ format files nowadays...

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From: poor, poor clueless user
Sent: Thursday, October 26, 2006 3:38 PM
To: Crack
Subject: RE: hey


DONT TRY TO MAKE URSELF SOUND SMART. YOU KNOW THOSE TERMS DONT WORK W/ ME...

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From: Crack
Sent: Thursday, October 26, 2006 3:39 PM
To: poor, poor clueless user
Subject: RE: hey


you wanted advice!

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From: poor, poor clueless user
Sent: Thursday, October 26, 2006 3:41 PM
To: Crack
Subject: RE: hey


STUFF I KNOW!

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From: Crack
Sent: Thursday, October 26, 2006 3:42 PM
To: poor, poor clueless user
Subject: RE: hey


how do I know what you know?

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From: poor, poor clueless user
Sent: Thursday, October 26, 2006 3:47 PM
To: Crack
Subject: RE: hey


OK IM A NORMAL PERSON. I AM A TELLER... DO I LOOK LIKE I WORK ON COMPUTERS? NOW ESPECIALLY IF I ASKED YOU IF I NEEDED A NEW KEYBOARD WHENEVER IT SAID KEYBOARD FAILURE??? Y WOULD I ASK IF I WAS SMART IN COMPUTERS??

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From: Crack
Sent: Thursday, October 26, 2006 3:48 PM
To: poor, poor clueless user
Subject: RE: hey


Maybe you were testing me, I am not sure... Ok, so what have we accomplished here? What are you going to look for when you shop for a new keyboard?

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From: poor, poor clueless user
Sent: Thursday, October 26, 2006 3:59 PM
To: Crack
Subject: RE: hey


I DONT KNOW. ILL JUST TELL THEM THE KINDA COMP I HAVE N THEN THEY CAN GIVE ME ONE. U CONFUSED ME HALF TO DEATH

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From: Crack
Sent: Thursday, October 26, 2006 4:08 PM
To: poor, poor clueless user
Subject: RE: hey


good luck with that!

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From: poor, poor clueless user
Sent: Thursday, October 26, 2006 4:12 PM
To: Crack
Subject: RE: hey

G THANKS, CANT U JUST COME WIT ME WHEN I BY IT? PLEZE?

__________________
Crack, you and I are long overdue for a vicious bout of mansex.

~Halx

Brewmaniac

Hell, I don't know much about pc's but I could print or write down what a professional
suggests and take it to Bestbuy or similar.

Whatta maroon!

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"That's a joke... I say, that's a joke, son"

ratbastid

Ask her to buy one with a CAPS LOCK KEY!!!

Willravel

Macs don't use PS2 connectors. We use USB. It's simpler that way, and I'm not aware of any computer made in the past 8 years that won't just use a USB keyboard. When I said PS2 to my last boss referring to the connector, he though I meant Play-Station 2 and insisted that he didn't want to do gaming on his work computer. There are some people who just use computers and don't have any inclination to learn about how to do it, instead relying on tech people to explain it to them 100 times.
Wow. Just... wow.

Bill O'Rights

Sure, And, why not? I mean, there are people that just drive and don't have any inclination to learn about how to replace their brake pads, or even change their own oil. That's why tech people, and auto mechanics, can earn a living.

__________________
"I distrust those people who know so well what God wants them to do because I notice it always coincides with their own desires." - Susan B. Anthony

"Hedonism with rules isn't hedonism at all, it's the Republican party." - JumpinJesus

It is indisputable that true beauty lies within...but a nice rack sure doesn't hurt.

Willravel

I can't do a full rebuild of an engine (without help), but not knowing how to change a spare is just plain irresponsible. Not knowing the difference between USB and PS2 is frightening.

I mean I'm a Mac guy. All we need to know is plug into and go. Even a typical Mac person would know how to simply swap out a keyboard.

Bill O'Rights

I'm not arguing. In fact...I agree. But, the fact remains that there are people out there that would, for reasons of their own, prefer to call AAA to come change the tire. I see this as the same thing.

__________________
"I distrust those people who know so well what God wants them to do because I notice it always coincides with their own desires." - Susan B. Anthony

"Hedonism with rules isn't hedonism at all, it's the Republican party." - JumpinJesus

It is indisputable that true beauty lies within...but a nice rack sure doesn't hurt.

Willravel

Oh.

pig

i've never seen anyone who likes to fuck with people as much as you crack. is this chick hot?

__________________
You don't love me, you just love my piggy style

Bill O'Rights

She'd almost have to be.

__________________
"I distrust those people who know so well what God wants them to do because I notice it always coincides with their own desires." - Susan B. Anthony

"Hedonism with rules isn't hedonism at all, it's the Republican party." - JumpinJesus

It is indisputable that true beauty lies within...but a nice rack sure doesn't hurt.

Crack

tragic as it is...no, not at all. She is going to have a hard life ahead of her.

__________________
Crack, you and I are long overdue for a vicious bout of mansex.

~Halx

Willravel

Volunteer her for one of those makeover shows.

Now that I think of it, there should be an intellectual makeover show, too. They let you go back to school and get your doctorate in something. And they force you into TFPolitics kicking and screaming.

Infinite_Loser

To be fair, if she's not a computer person then it's no wonder she got confused.

__________________
I believe in equality; Everyone is equally inferior to me.

JustJess

To be fair, she called him a jerk for trying to help. With her PERSONAL problem on her PERSONAL computer.

She is ... sadly... a complete friggin' moron and I hope to gods she doesn't reproduce.

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My heart knows me better than I know myself, so I'm gonna let it do all the talkin'.

pig

ha! jess always brings the compassion i'm looking for when she doesn't mean to

seriously, i can see how she could get confused...crack made no effort to really help her become enlightened...he fucked with her. thus, i assumed she was hot and he was trying to subtly flirt with her. once again, no one likes to fuck with people quite as much as crack.

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You don't love me, you just love my piggy style

SecretMethod70

Crack only starting fucking with her after she 1) inexplicably decided to type in all caps after displaying in the first e-mail that she's capable of normal typing 2) gave him attitude for suggesting she spend $15! and 3) called him a jerk. I think he was well within his right at that point to screw with her.

Anyway, pretty amusing.

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Le temps détruit tout

"Musicians are the carriers and communicators of spirit in the most immediate sense." - Kurt Elling

reverendjay

As a tech guy that was lucky enough to get away from end-user support, I concur wholeheartedly. Work with me and we'll get the job done easily. Eff with me and we'll find out who has the bigger e-peen. (a.k.a. I win)

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I'm married now, so the only thing in my house that pulls out now is the couch.

kel

My favorite type of serial connector is Lucky Charms, but you have to make sure not to process too much of that because it will gum up your CPU and then you have to switch to Raisin Bran.

__________________
"It better be funny"

sapiens

I imagine that tech support people have to deal with ignorant, rude people all the time. People who don't understand computers, people who don't understand email etiquette, etc. Isn't it in the job description? She was clearly a moron, but "Then you have a new keyboard" wasn't exactly helpful. I probably would have just said "If the new keyboard doesn't work, you may want to take your computer to a professional service to be examined. I'm paid to help with work related computer problems. Unfortunately, I can't help you any further. If you have any work-related computer problems, feel free to contact me."

Regardless, it was a humorous email exchange.

World's King

I always seem to run into the tech support people that know less about computers then I do.

__________________
heavy is the head that wears the crown

Reese

Dude WTH! You had a chance to use a ID-Ten-T_Error(ID10T) and a Pebkac and you didn't! Uber FAIL!@

You're cruel though. Funny stuff. It's sad some people don't bother to learn to simplest things about something so common.

__________________
“It is better to be rich and healthy than poor and sick” - Dave Barry

Crack

speaking of which, this is seriously my license plate

Don't track me down and kill me please

__________________
Crack, you and I are long overdue for a vicious bout of mansex.

~Halx

noodle

Give her email to the Nigerian scammers.

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tommy thompson

OMG, I have to steal that lic. plate now..

__________________
...a wandering soul...

Seaver

My next email to this person would be:

"You obviously need to replace your keyboard, your Caps Button is broken."

__________________
"Smite the rocks with the rod of knowledge, and fountains of unstinted wealth will gush forth." - Ashbel Smith as he laid the first cornerstone of the University of Texas