mpedrummer

They're old, they're bad, and everyone's heard them, but what joke forum would be complete without them?

Q. What do elephants use for tampons?

A. Sheep.


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Q. Why do elephants have long trunks?

A. Sheep don't have strings to get them back out.

BubblegumTeflon

These are great, OMG that reminds me what was that series of jokes with the elephants in trees, and it involved squirrels? That was the funniest thing ever, can't remember it.

Empty_One

yaaayy! elephant jokes

scope

ugh...sheep tampon for an elephant....that's a gross and grotesque piece of imagery...but funny nonetheless.

mpedrummer2

Come on people, let's get some more!

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Ronin_Tiger

You forgot one.

Q: What's the moral to this joke?

A: Never wear a red wooly sweater.

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BubblegumTeflon

ok ok I found it:

Why do elephants wear springs on their feet?
So they can jump up into the trees and fuck squirrels.

What's the most terrifying sound to a squirrel?
"Boing, boing, boing..."

eli

one more...not really on the topic but an elephant joke none the less
Q: Hod do u kill a blue elphant?
A:With a blue elephant gun!
Q: how do u kill a pink elphant?
Q2: with a pink elphant gun?
A: no. hold it's trunk until it turns blue then shott it with the blue elephant gun.

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Eviltree

eli took mine, its a good one

crackpot

Okay...
Q: How do you get down off an elephant?
A: You don't, you get down from a goose.
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Q: Why don't elephants ride bikes?
A: They don't have a thumb to ring the bell.

Drider_it

Q: What do you do if you come across an elephant..

A: Buddy, you better wipe him off

Q: what do you get when you cross an elephant with a rino?

A: a elephino

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Drider_it

Safe Elephant Sex

Q: How can you tell that elephants have been doing it in your garage?

A: All your Hefty Bags are missing.

Ducks and Elephants

Q: Why do ducks have webbed feet?
A: To put out fires.

Q: Why do elephants have flat feet?
A: To put out burning ducks.

Tarzan's Kipling-esque Treatise

Q: What did Tarzan say when he saw the elephants coming?
A: Hark! I shall soon be swimming in a veritable river of pachyderm seed!

__________________
It means only one thing, and everything: Cut. Once committed to fight, Cut. Everything else is secondary. Cut. That is your duty, your purpose, your hunger. There is no rule more important, no commitment that overrides that one. Cut. The lines are a portrayal of the dance. Cut from the void, not from bewilderment. Cut the enemy as quickly and directly as possible. Cut with certainty. Cut decisively, resoultely. Cut into his strength. Flow through the gaps in his guard. Cut him. Cut him down utterly. Don't allow him a breath. Crush him. Cut him without mercy to the depth of his spirit. It is the balance to life: death. It is the dance with death. It is the law a war wizard lives by, or he dies.

bingle

Bing,

This is my collection of elephant jokes! I'm looking for more for my collection, too, if you have any. They have to be somewhat surreal, and involve elephants... Or just play with your mind in an interesting way.

So, here we go:

What is grey and not there?
No elephants.

How are an elephant and a plum the same?
They're both purple, except for the elephant.

How do you put an elephant in a refrigerator?
Step one: Open the door.
Step two: Put the elephant in.
Step three: Close the door.

How do you put a giraffe in a refrigerator?
Step one: Open the door.
Step two: Take the elephant out.
Step three: Put the giraffe in.
Step four: Close the door.

If an elephant and a giraffe had a race, who would win?
The elephant. The giraffe is in the refrigerator.

Bingle

tokaok

jokes like these make the baby jebuz cry

oblar

hehe so awful, yet so funny

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JadziaDax

The "search this forum" box is your friend

(threads merged and hey... look at this one: http://www.tfproject.org/tfp/showthr...threadid=26844)

bingle

Hmm.

Well, all right. I sort of wanted the absurdist jokes rather than elephant ones, which is why I started my own thread, but OK. I guess TFProject is running low on thread space again ;-)

Bingle

89transam

coo

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JadziaDax

Sorry, thought you were "looking for more" elephant jokes for your collection, if we had any. Jokes on me.

bingle

Well yes, I was. Sorry, I explained myself badly... I am looking for more absurdist jokes. The ones I have involve elephants (a very absurd animal, really) and so I titled the post "Elephant Jokes". But really, the elephants are immaterial - I actually want jokes that depend for their humor value on being totally surreal or absurd - doing something clever with reality, hopefully.

The interesting thing about these jokes, to me, is the way they play with the concept of a joke as the basis for their humor - sort of a meta-joke. The funny thing about the elephant-giraffe exchange is not the actual content of the joke, but the fact that the elephants referred to are 'remembered' from joke to joke rather than just treated as a disposable placeholder as they are in most other jokes - it's making fun of our concept of humor and the class of jokes like "blond jokes" or "priest jokes".

Anyway, what I'm really looking for is more like that, not more involving elephants. Of course, the fact that all my jokes involved elephants and that I posted with the title "elephant jokes" didn't really cause that message to come across.... For that, I apologise. But the sheep tampon jokes, as funny as they may be, don't really excite me as much as my 'elephant' jokes.

Bingle