Priest humor :) - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

Opiate · 06-11-2003, 12:06 AM

A Priest and an altarboy go out one day fishing. they board their little boat and take it out into the lake, where the priest proptly sets up and casts off. after a couple of hours, the priest feels a very stong tug on his line. After a long and arduous battle, they finally reel in a 2foot trout.

once they get it on board, the altarboy looks up and goes "WOW! thats a big fucker father!".

flustered, the father exclaims "my son! you cant say those words! its against our faith and everything we stand for!"

The altarboy calms the priest "no no thats what its called in fisherman terms, a 'big fucker' ".

"oh well in that case, lets get it back to the shore" replies the priest, now settled.

On the shore, they prepare to gut the fish, when another father walks by "amazing! what have you got there?" he asks inquiringly.

"Its a big fucker" the first priest replies with a huge grin.

As expected, the second priest was shocked "but father! you cant use that lanuage, its againt...."

"It's ok, it's ok, thats what its called in fisherman terms, a 'big fucker' " calms the first priest.

"Oh well in that case, thats ok then, look why dont i help you clean it so we can get it to the cook" replies the second priest.

After cleaning the fish, the trio head to the kitchen, where the workers were busiliy preparing for tonights feast, as the archbishop was comming to the monestary for the first time in ten years. They approach the head cook and show her the fish "We caught a big fucker for you to cook for tonights feast!" beamed the first priest.

Again, as expected, the cook was shocked "Father! you cant use that sort of langua...."

"No No no its ok, thats what its called though in fishermans terms" the second priest calmed.

"well in that case....its ok then" smiled the cook, and proceeded to cook the fish.

later that night, the two priests find themselves seated at the feast with the archbishop. Tension is high in the air with the priests so nervous to say anything, him being the archbishop and all. Eventually the cook brings out the fish nervously, and not saying anything at all.

The archbishop lookes at the fish, and to break the tension says "amazing, that is one huge fish...."

as soon as the tension was broken the 2 priests and the cook all began talking rapidly.

"I...I...I caught the big fucker!" exclaimed the first priest.

"I cleaned the big fucker!" yelled the second priest excitedly.

"And I cooked the big fucker!" the cook blurts out.

the archbishop places his fork on the table, looks around and a wry grin comes on his face.

"You know what?" he nods approvingly "You cunts are allright after all"

pilot123 · 06-11-2003, 02:10 PM

Bad punchline

vulture · 06-11-2003, 02:34 PM

i kinda liked it

Flesh · 06-11-2003, 02:42 PM

so-so

DEI37 · 06-11-2003, 02:59 PM

Umm...hmm...I understand the thinking...does that count?

ratbastid · 06-11-2003, 05:54 PM

Yeah, the thought is good on this one, but the punchline needs some fine-tuning.

I know! Let's open it up to brainstorming. That'll be a first for the board, right?

My vote: Well, shit, boys! You sure know how to show an archbishop a good god damned time!

DEI37 · 06-12-2003, 06:33 PM

Ratbastid...I think that works well!

txgirl · 06-12-2003, 08:01 PM

Hate that word!

Stiltzkin · 06-12-2003, 08:58 PM

What're ya'll talking about? The punchline is perfect.

apechild · 11-12-2003, 12:07 PM

On the last day of his trip a priest hooked a monster fish and proceeded to reel it in.The guide, holding a net, yelled, "look at the size of that Son of a Bitch!"

Son, I'm a priest. Your language is uncalled for!"

"No, Father, that's what kind of fish it is--a Son of a Bitch fish!"

"Really? Well then, help me land this Son of a Bitch!" Once in the boat, they marveled at the size of the monster.

"Father, that's the biggest Son of a Bitch I've ever seen."

"Yes, it is a big Son of a Bitch. What should I do with it?"

"Why, eat it of course. You've never tasted anything as good as a Son of a Bitch!" Elated, the priest headed home to the rectory. While unloading his gear and his prize catch, Sister Mary inquired about his trip. "Take a look at this big Son of a Bitch I caught!"

Sister Mary gasped and clutched her rosary, "Father!"

"It's OK, Sister. That's what kind of fish it is--a Son of a Bitch fish!"

"Oh, well then, what are you going to do with that big Son of a Bitch?"

"Why, eat it of course. The guide said nothing compares to the taste of Son of a Bitch." Sister Mary informed the priest that the new Bishop was scheduled to visit in a few days and that they should fix the Son of a Bitch for his dinner. "I'll even clean the Son of a Bitch", she said.

As she was cleaning the huge fish, the Friar walked in. "What are you doing Sister?"

"Father wants me to clean this big Son of a Bitch for the new Bishops' dinner."

"Sister! I'll clean it if you're so upset! Please watch your language!"

"No, no! , no, it's called a Son of a Bitch fish."

"Really? Well, in that case, I'll fix up a great meal to go with it, and that Son of a Bitch can be the main course! Let me know when you've finished cleaning that Son of a Bitch."

On the night of the new Bishop's visit, everything was perfect. The Friar had prepared an excellent meal. The wine was fine, and the fish was excellent. The new Bishop said, "This is great fish, where did you get it?"

I caught that Son of a Bitch!" proclaimed the proud priest. The Bishop's eyes opened wide, but he said nothing.

"And I cleaned the Son of a Bitch!" exclaimed the Sister. The Bishop sat silent in disbelief.

The Friar added, "And I prepared the Son of a Bitch, using a special recipe!"

The new Bishop looked around at each of them. Slowly a big smile crept across his face as he said, "You mother fuckers are my kind of people."

mb99usa · 11-12-2003, 12:11 PM

That is good. We need more clergy like that.

SSJwrestler · 11-12-2003, 12:15 PM

that is freaking hilarious

JReezy · 11-12-2003, 12:33 PM

Good stuff! haha

krazykemist · 11-13-2003, 12:49 AM

Religious humor

The version apechild posted is closer to how I originally heard it.
I believe it works better that way.

chewybaca96 · 11-13-2003, 11:29 AM

reminds me of george carlin on the movie Dogma

06-11-2003, 12:06 AM	#1 (permalink)
Opiate Tilted Location: Melbourne	Priest humor (long post) A Priest and an altarboy go out one day fishing. they board their little boat and take it out into the lake, where the priest proptly sets up and casts off. after a couple of hours, the priest feels a very stong tug on his line. After a long and arduous battle, they finally reel in a 2foot trout. once they get it on board, the altarboy looks up and goes "WOW! thats a big fucker father!". flustered, the father exclaims "my son! you cant say those words! its against our faith and everything we stand for!" The altarboy calms the priest "no no thats what its called in fisherman terms, a 'big fucker' ". "oh well in that case, lets get it back to the shore" replies the priest, now settled. On the shore, they prepare to gut the fish, when another father walks by "amazing! what have you got there?" he asks inquiringly. "Its a big fucker" the first priest replies with a huge grin. As expected, the second priest was shocked "but father! you cant use that lanuage, its againt...." "It's ok, it's ok, thats what its called in fisherman terms, a 'big fucker' " calms the first priest. "Oh well in that case, thats ok then, look why dont i help you clean it so we can get it to the cook" replies the second priest. After cleaning the fish, the trio head to the kitchen, where the workers were busiliy preparing for tonights feast, as the archbishop was comming to the monestary for the first time in ten years. They approach the head cook and show her the fish "We caught a big fucker for you to cook for tonights feast!" beamed the first priest. Again, as expected, the cook was shocked "Father! you cant use that sort of langua...." "No No no its ok, thats what its called though in fishermans terms" the second priest calmed. "well in that case....its ok then" smiled the cook, and proceeded to cook the fish. later that night, the two priests find themselves seated at the feast with the archbishop. Tension is high in the air with the priests so nervous to say anything, him being the archbishop and all. Eventually the cook brings out the fish nervously, and not saying anything at all. The archbishop lookes at the fish, and to break the tension says "amazing, that is one huge fish...." as soon as the tension was broken the 2 priests and the cook all began talking rapidly. "I...I...I caught the big fucker!" exclaimed the first priest. "I cleaned the big fucker!" yelled the second priest excitedly. "And I cooked the big fucker!" the cook blurts out. the archbishop places his fork on the table, looks around and a wry grin comes on his face. "You know what?" he nods approvingly "You cunts are allright after all" __________________ when i am king, you will be first against the wall... Last edited by Opiate; 06-11-2003 at 12:49 AM..

06-11-2003, 02:59 PM	#5 (permalink)
DEI37 Go faster! Location: Wisconsin	Umm...hmm...I understand the thinking...does that count? __________________ Generally speaking, if you were to get what you really deserve, you might be unpleasantly surprised.

06-12-2003, 06:33 PM	#7 (permalink)
DEI37 Go faster! Location: Wisconsin	Ratbastid...I think that works well! __________________ Generally speaking, if you were to get what you really deserve, you might be unpleasantly surprised.

06-12-2003, 08:58 PM	#9 (permalink)
Stiltzkin Junkie	What're ya'll talking about? The punchline is perfect. __________________ The most important thing in this world is love.

11-12-2003, 12:07 PM	#10 (permalink)
apechild Crazy Location: Vermont	Son of a bitch fish On the last day of his trip a priest hooked a monster fish and proceeded to reel it in.The guide, holding a net, yelled, "look at the size of that Son of a Bitch!" Son, I'm a priest. Your language is uncalled for!" "No, Father, that's what kind of fish it is--a Son of a Bitch fish!" "Really? Well then, help me land this Son of a Bitch!" Once in the boat, they marveled at the size of the monster. "Father, that's the biggest Son of a Bitch I've ever seen." "Yes, it is a big Son of a Bitch. What should I do with it?" "Why, eat it of course. You've never tasted anything as good as a Son of a Bitch!" Elated, the priest headed home to the rectory. While unloading his gear and his prize catch, Sister Mary inquired about his trip. "Take a look at this big Son of a Bitch I caught!" Sister Mary gasped and clutched her rosary, "Father!" "It's OK, Sister. That's what kind of fish it is--a Son of a Bitch fish!" "Oh, well then, what are you going to do with that big Son of a Bitch?" "Why, eat it of course. The guide said nothing compares to the taste of Son of a Bitch." Sister Mary informed the priest that the new Bishop was scheduled to visit in a few days and that they should fix the Son of a Bitch for his dinner. "I'll even clean the Son of a Bitch", she said. As she was cleaning the huge fish, the Friar walked in. "What are you doing Sister?" "Father wants me to clean this big Son of a Bitch for the new Bishops' dinner." "Sister! I'll clean it if you're so upset! Please watch your language!" "No, no! , no, it's called a Son of a Bitch fish." "Really? Well, in that case, I'll fix up a great meal to go with it, and that Son of a Bitch can be the main course! Let me know when you've finished cleaning that Son of a Bitch." On the night of the new Bishop's visit, everything was perfect. The Friar had prepared an excellent meal. The wine was fine, and the fish was excellent. The new Bishop said, "This is great fish, where did you get it?" I caught that Son of a Bitch!" proclaimed the proud priest. The Bishop's eyes opened wide, but he said nothing. "And I cleaned the Son of a Bitch!" exclaimed the Sister. The Bishop sat silent in disbelief. The Friar added, "And I prepared the Son of a Bitch, using a special recipe!" The new Bishop looked around at each of them. Slowly a big smile crept across his face as he said, "You mother fuckers are my kind of people." __________________ Skwerl. Its wuts fer dinner.

06-11-2003, 02:10 PM	#2 (permalink)
pilot123 Tilted	Bad punchline

06-11-2003, 02:34 PM	#3 (permalink)
vulture Tilted Location: Switzerland	i kinda liked it

06-11-2003, 05:54 PM	#6 (permalink)
ratbastid Darth Papa Location: Yonder	Yeah, the thought is good on this one, but the punchline needs some fine-tuning. I know! Let's open it up to brainstorming. That'll be a first for the board, right? My vote: Well, shit, boys! You sure know how to show an archbishop a good god damned time!

06-12-2003, 08:01 PM	#8 (permalink)
txgirl so many men...so little time. Location: Bellingham	Hate that word!

11-12-2003, 12:11 PM	#11 (permalink)
mb99usa Keep on rolling. It only hurts for a little while. Location: wherever I am	That is good. We need more clergy like that. __________________ So, what's your point? It's not an attitude, it's a way of life.

11-12-2003, 12:15 PM	#12 (permalink)
SSJwrestler Banned Location: Davidson, NC/ Manassas, VA	that is freaking hilarious

11-12-2003, 12:33 PM	#13 (permalink)
JReezy Upright	Good stuff! haha

11-13-2003, 12:49 AM	#14 (permalink)
krazykemist Psycho Location: New Orleans	Religious humor The version apechild posted is closer to how I originally heard it. I believe it works better that way. __________________ "Everyone thinks of changing the world, but no one thinks of changing himself." -- Tolstoy

11-13-2003, 11:29 AM	#15 (permalink)
chewybaca96 We can't stop here! This is bat country! Location: SL,UT	reminds me of george carlin on the movie Dogma __________________ Brian: “Ok, all we’ve gotta do is find the American Embassy, and they’ll help us get home” Stewie: “Home? I have no intention of returning to that disgusting hovel with that intolerable woman, that fat slob, and that insufferable dog… Oh, you’re right here aren’t you? Oh well, I stand by it."