So I get home from work the other day... - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

Warlock! · 12-20-2006, 08:23 AM

...and the wife is sitting there watching the NHRA drag races... and she likes it! She's gettin' about half-moist from the rumbling, and she said the speed is really, really exciting her. "These things go from zero to over 200 in like 5 seconds!", she says. I know... I'm a race fan. I know drag racing is about the biggest, baddest, and quickest. I really don't have a lot of extra cash to throw around at a Christmas present for her, but if she's gettin' turned on by speed, I'll be fucked (literally) if I help her get her fix.

I head to the Chevy dealer in town and I'm lookin' at a Z06 they have in the building. "What's the chance this can somehow go from zero to over 200 in about 5 seconds?" The salesman looks at me like I'm from Mars. "Prolly ain't gonna happen, huh?" He shakes his head 'no'. I hop back into the truck and drive down the road a bit.

I pull into the Yamaha dealership and go inside. They have a brand spank-me new 2007 R1 in the center of the showroom. "Nice bike, huh?", the salesman asks. "Yeah... looks fast as fuck, too. What's the top speed?" "About a buck-eighty", he responds with a grin on his face. "Not bad. Will it get there in about 5 seconds?", I ask. "I don't believe it'll get there that quickly, but it's the fastest bike out there." I tell him "Thanks anyways", and head out the door.

I go back to my truck and wonder what the hell I can get her that will do 0-200 with almost no hesitation. Then it hits me.

I went to Meijer and got her a real nice digital bathroom scale.

I am soooo gettin' laid for this one.

maleficent · 12-20-2006, 09:00 AM

oh that's so wrong - but...

The_Jazz · 12-20-2006, 09:58 AM

My sinuses are mad at you for the Diet Coke that just went spewing through them.

Sharon · 12-20-2006, 10:14 AM

Didn't see that one coming at all... but as a woman, can I just say... ouch.

Delvid · 12-20-2006, 11:18 AM

Your plan is foolproof.

florida0214 · 12-20-2006, 11:31 AM

Great plan. Hope it worked out for the guy. Great twist at the end.

SirLance · 12-20-2006, 06:12 PM

Ouch! Oh, I can not repeat this.... but lord, it's funny!

healer · 12-21-2006, 12:05 AM

Funny as all hell!

I'm so dead if mandy finds out I laughed at this...

tfpfreak · 12-27-2006, 10:42 AM

He'll be getting laid alright... laid to rest! Poor guy probably won't even see it coming.

Carno · 12-27-2006, 11:11 AM

Haha! That is good stuff.

12-20-2006, 08:23 AM	#1 (permalink)
Warlock! Upright Location: Ohio	So I get home from work the other day... ...and the wife is sitting there watching the NHRA drag races... and she likes it! She's gettin' about half-moist from the rumbling, and she said the speed is really, really exciting her. "These things go from zero to over 200 in like 5 seconds!", she says. I know... I'm a race fan. I know drag racing is about the biggest, baddest, and quickest. I really don't have a lot of extra cash to throw around at a Christmas present for her, but if she's gettin' turned on by speed, I'll be fucked (literally) if I help her get her fix. I head to the Chevy dealer in town and I'm lookin' at a Z06 they have in the building. "What's the chance this can somehow go from zero to over 200 in about 5 seconds?" The salesman looks at me like I'm from Mars. "Prolly ain't gonna happen, huh?" He shakes his head 'no'. I hop back into the truck and drive down the road a bit. I pull into the Yamaha dealership and go inside. They have a brand spank-me new 2007 R1 in the center of the showroom. "Nice bike, huh?", the salesman asks. "Yeah... looks fast as fuck, too. What's the top speed?" "About a buck-eighty", he responds with a grin on his face. "Not bad. Will it get there in about 5 seconds?", I ask. "I don't believe it'll get there that quickly, but it's the fastest bike out there." I tell him "Thanks anyways", and head out the door. I go back to my truck and wonder what the hell I can get her that will do 0-200 with almost no hesitation. Then it hits me. I went to Meijer and got her a real nice digital bathroom scale. I am soooo gettin' laid for this one.

12-20-2006, 09:00 AM	#2 (permalink)
maleficent Junkie Moderator Emeritus Location: Chicago	oh that's so wrong - but... __________________ Free your heart from hatred. Free your mind from worries. Live simply. Give more. Expect less.

12-20-2006, 09:58 AM	#3 (permalink)
The_Jazz Asshole Administrator Location: Chicago	My sinuses are mad at you for the Diet Coke that just went spewing through them. __________________ "They that can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety." - B. Franklin "There ought to be limits to freedom." - George W. Bush "We have met the enemy and he is us." - Pogo

12-20-2006, 11:31 AM	#6 (permalink)
florida0214 Crazy Location: South Florida	Great plan. Hope it worked out for the guy. Great twist at the end. __________________ "Two men: one thinks he can. One thinks he cannot. They are Both Right."

12-20-2006, 06:12 PM	#7 (permalink)
SirLance Junkie Location: In the middle of the desert.	Ouch! Oh, I can not repeat this.... but lord, it's funny! __________________ DEMOCRACY is where your vote counts, FEUDALISM is where your count votes.

12-20-2006, 10:14 AM	#4 (permalink)
Sharon Coy, sultry and... naughty! Location: Across the way	Didn't see that one coming at all... but as a woman, can I just say... ouch.

12-20-2006, 11:18 AM	#5 (permalink)
Delvid Insane Location: Missouri	Your plan is foolproof.

12-27-2006, 10:42 AM	#9 (permalink)
tfpfreak Crazy Location: MS	He'll be getting laid alright... laid to rest! Poor guy probably won't even see it coming. __________________ Never grow a wishbone where your backbone ought to be. ~ Clementine Paddleford

12-27-2006, 11:11 AM	#10 (permalink)
Carno Junkie	Haha! That is good stuff. __________________ http://how-to-spell-ridiculous.com/