nine

Being British is about driving in a German car to an Irish pub for a
Belgian beer, then travelling home, grabbing an Indian curry or a Turkish
kebab on the way, to sit on Swedish furniture and watch American shows on a Japanese TV.

And the most British thing of all? Suspicion of anything foreign.

Oh and......

Only in Britain... can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance.

Only in Britain... do supermarkets make sick people walk all the way to the
back of the shop to get their prescriptions - while healthy people can buy
cigarettes at the front.

Only in Britain... do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries and a
DIET coke.

Only in Britain... do banks leave both doors open and chain the pens to
the counters.

Only in Britain... do we leave cars worth thousands of pounds on the drive
and lock our junk and cheap lawn mower in the garage.

Only in Britain... do we use answering machines to screen calls and then
have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't want to
talk to in the first place.

Only in Britain... are there disabled parking places in front of a skating
rink.

NOT TO MENTION...

3 Brits die each year testing if a 9v battery works on their tongue.

142 Brits were injured in 1999 by not removing all pins from new shirts.

58 Brits are injured each year by using sharp knives instead of screwdrivers.

19 Brits have died in the last 3 years believing that Christmas decorations
were chocolate.

British Hospitals reported 4 broken arms last year after cracker pulling
accidents.

101 people since 1999 have had broken parts of plastic toys pulled out of
the soles of their feet.

18 Brits had serious burns in 2000 trying on a new jumper with a lit
cigarette in their mouth.

A massive 543 Brits were admitted to A&E in the last two years after
opening bottles of beer with their teeth.

5 Brits were injured last year in accidents involving out of Control
Scalextric cars.

and finally.........

In 2000 eight Brits cracked their skull whilst throwing up into the toilet.

Gatorade Frost

Probably mostly false, but funny nonetheless. I think you could substitute "British" for America.

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I got in a fight one time with a really big guy, and he said, "I'm going to mop the floor with your face." I said, "You'll be sorry." He said, "Oh, yeah? Why?" I said, "Well, you won't be able to get into the corners very well."
Emo Philips

snowy

I think almost all of your "only in Britain" things apply to the US, as well as Canada, though I think our ambulances might be faster.

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If I am not better, at least I am different. --Jean-Jacques Rousseau

Daniel_

Showing off, Snowy?



It all rings pretty true to this Brit.

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╔═════════════════════════════════════════╗
Overhead, the Albatross hangs motionless upon the air,
And deep beneath the rolling waves,
In labyrinths of Coral Caves,
The Echo of a distant time
Comes willowing across the sand;
And everthing is Green and Submarine
╚═════════════════════════════════════════╝

Coppertop

Were my girlfriend not half English (insert muffin joke here) I would have assumed a cracker pulling accident would have involved a vehicle named something like Gravedigger.

CSflim

I read this before as an "only in America" piece.

Still funny though!

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Toaster126

Ooh, I bet all the "subsitute America" comments are going to rile some feathers of a certain segment of the population.

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"The question isn't who is going to let me, it's who is going to stop me." (Ayn Rand)
"The truth is that our finest moments are most likely to occur when we are feeling deeply uncomfortable, unhappy, or unfulfilled. For it is only in such moments, propelled by our discomfort, that we are likely to step out of our ruts and start searching for different ways or truer answers." (M. Scott Peck)

maleficent

I've seen that list as "only in america" but they really could apply to most western nations...

Added some more..

3 people die each year testing if a 9v battery works on their tongue.

142 people were injured in 1998 by not removing all pins from new shirts.


31 people have died since 1996 by watering their Christmas tree while the fairy lights were plugged in.

101 people since 1997 have had to have broken parts of plastic toys pulled out of the soles of their feet.

A massive 543 people were admitted to A&E in the last two years after opening bottles of beer with their teeth.

...do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't want to talk to in the first place

... do we use the word "politics" to describe the process so well: "Poli" in greek meaning "many" and "tics" meaning "blood-sucking creatures

...do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight

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Gatorade Frost

Nah, I'm American and I still find humor in it. I've only ever read it as Only in America anyway, though there are a few British specific ones in the above list.

__________________
I got in a fight one time with a really big guy, and he said, "I'm going to mop the floor with your face." I said, "You'll be sorry." He said, "Oh, yeah? Why?" I said, "Well, you won't be able to get into the corners very well."
Emo Philips

aphex140

for USA and UK track suits and sports wear in XXXL sizes LOL

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Computers allow us to make more mistakes at a faster rate than any other man-made thing, with the exception of handguns and tequila.

[/QUOTE=BAMF]Do they role a die, with a 1/3 chance of being flacid?[/QUOTE]

nmm

lol... Funny stats joke...

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Nihilistic Mad Man... Gallic Hedonist... Freak of Nature...

Toaster126

Lol. No, I was talking about people being offended to be compared\confused with Americans.

__________________
"The question isn't who is going to let me, it's who is going to stop me." (Ayn Rand)
"The truth is that our finest moments are most likely to occur when we are feeling deeply uncomfortable, unhappy, or unfulfilled. For it is only in such moments, propelled by our discomfort, that we are likely to step out of our ruts and start searching for different ways or truer answers." (M. Scott Peck)

Redlemon

I hate shirt pins. There's no need to stick 15 pins in a shirt. I need to wash it first anyway to get all the wrinkles out of it.

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I can't read your signature. Sorry.