sadistikdreams

From "Wonder Showzen" (and transcribed by yours truly):

1.
Q: What do you call a leopard named Billy who just fell down a 600 foot ravine into a squirming pit of dead ducks covered in leprosy once owned by a Pizzeria?

A: In this case-- you would refer the unfortunate soul as "Bad Luck Billy"

2.
Q: What would someone like you end up with if, say, for the sake of argument (or more accurately--for the sake of this
partiicular joke), that you were a scientist working in the field of experimental bio-engineering, and you made an erstwhile effort to genetically cross JFK with KFC?
A: All of our best data indicates unequivocally that you would get John Fitzgerald Chicken.

3.
A mountaineer who just returned from scaling Mount Kilamanjaro walks into a bar and asks for a free drink. The bartender, sensing an ominous chill in the air says, "well sir, I can't give you a free drink, but I can give you five jokes in five seconds."
"Shoot" replied the crest fallen mountain man. It was at this time in the joke that the admittedly jumpy barkeep pulled out his pistol and beat the mountaineer to death in five easy blows.

4. It seems there was this elephant who decided to get a part time job at a bakery* to save up to buy a toilet. When he showed up to the interview the manager asked the elephant what qualifications he had to work a part time job. As the elephant passionately laid out his extensive retail and patisserie experience, the manager interrupted him curtly exclaining, "Wait--if you buy a toilet, and flush your business-- what will the poor dung beetles eat?" Just then the elephant straightened his tie and tossed this beauty of a zinger orally into the ether: "They shall eat your finest croissants," the elephant intoned, "And doubtless that they shan't taste the diff."

*you should know that this particular bakery is known for the unusual poor quality of it's croissants.

5.
The pope, a bear, a rabbi, a pirate, a diplomat, a midget, a woman in a coma, a pelican, and your mom were all relaxing on an Eames chair after a furious fortnight of group hate sex when there was a sound at the door.
"Knock knock' went the sound emanating from the door.

Simultaneously and without missing a beat an answer broke like a desparate yowl from the throats of oglers. "Whos there?' like a shot from a butt gun of a pre-radicalized 1920s anarchist came a response from beyond the door. "Banana!"

Faster than a duck could rape a lizard in the mouth, our motley crew of freakazoids, safely ensconced in the luxury of their designer seatiery, shook their heads and breathed as a unit “Orange you glad we’ve already heard this joke and so shant be participating (unless of course you are offering substantial financial renumeration)’ There was no reply from the other side of the door save this One absolute rascal of a fart.

Toaster126

*mind explodes*

__________________
"The question isn't who is going to let me, it's who is going to stop me." (Ayn Rand)
"The truth is that our finest moments are most likely to occur when we are feeling deeply uncomfortable, unhappy, or unfulfilled. For it is only in such moments, propelled by our discomfort, that we are likely to step out of our ruts and start searching for different ways or truer answers." (M. Scott Peck)

rlbond86

I'm sorry, but I really don't get these jokes...

pavel_lishin

I think this is one of those things that works in a visual format, only.

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Vote Quimby!

MikeyChalupa

Highbrow.

-Mikey

GM2

Ah, ha, ha! Well crafted, old man!

nrclark

...huh?.....

healer

Killer! Now, to go off and reboot my brain...

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ScottKuma

Nossir...I didn't get 'em.

And I usually DO get stuff like this.

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A government big enough to give you everything you want is big enough to take from you everything you have.

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rmarshall

I loved the last one. I've never heard a "knock knock" so wonderfully embellished before!

Hehehe!

barenakedladies

thats one heck of a workout on your pause button.

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Daniel_

Very good indeed.

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╔═════════════════════════════════════════╗
Overhead, the Albatross hangs motionless upon the air,
And deep beneath the rolling waves,
In labyrinths of Coral Caves,
The Echo of a distant time
Comes willowing across the sand;
And everthing is Green and Submarine
╚═════════════════════════════════════════╝

mo42

Number 3 and number 5 were my favorites. Well, really number 3. Good work.

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It's not getting what you want, it's wanting what you've got.

opus123

If I was really drunk, I might think those jokes were funny, but hey, can't we all get along ???

Oh yeah, here is a joke for ya.. How do you circumcise a whale ? 4 skin divers.

Jonathan

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"We are sure to be losers when we quarrel with
ourselves. It is a civil war, and in all such
contentions, triumphs are defeats." Mr Colton
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Sion

top notch. cheerio, my good man


"absolute rascal of a fart"

wonderful turn of phrase

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He's the best, of course, of all the worst.
Some wrong been done, he done it first. -fz

I jus' want ta thank you...falettinme...be mice elf...agin...

stevo

I miss that show. I don't get MTV2 with my cable, but I can get it with the old bunny ears for some reason. Last summer when I didn't have cable I watched wonder showzen and found it to be hysterity. just fucking nuts. Which makes me think - can I download episodes somewhere?

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"If I am such a genius why am I drunk, lost in the desert, with a bullet in my ass?" -Otto Mannkusser

jimk

"The pope, a bear, a rabbi, a pirate, a diplomat, a midget, a woman in a coma, a pelican, and your mom"


this same group walked into a bar & sat down. the bartender walked over, took a look at them and said, "is this some kinda joke???"

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raw power is a guaranteed o.d.

raw power is a laughin' at you & me

-iggy

dlish

huhhhh... i think jimk raised my first smile

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An injustice anywhere, is an injustice everywhere

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