EGM gives today's kids yesterday's games - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

Moskie · 10-17-2003, 07:33 AM

Found this on Fark, so maybe some of you have seen it already.

http://www.egmmag.com/article2/0,4364,1338730,00.asp

EGM got some kids (12, 13 years old or so) to sit down and play some real old school games, like Pong, Donkey Kong, and that horrid E.T. game for the Atari. The article is the transcript of what the kids said as they were playing. It's pretty damn funny.

The comments seem a little to consistently witty to have been made by some snot-nosed kids, so I suspect EGM might have doctored things a bit. Nonetheless, it's a good read.

Moonduck · 10-17-2003, 08:02 AM

Very funny article. I would guess that EGM edited it, but I was rather verbose as a kid, and these kid were probably chosen because they were articulate.

glytch · 10-17-2003, 08:05 AM

Wow, those kids are pretty articulate to be 11-13, wouldn't you think? The 11-13 year olds that I know can barely string an audible sentence together. This has given me a new-found admiration for kids. (But don't get me wrong, I still hate the snivling little bastards.)

*Edit: Holy crap, I just read the E.T. comments. Where the hell did these kids learn to talk like that?

"Brian: A flower grew!
Kirk: Piss on it."

I would have gotten my ass beat if I talked like that when I was younger.

GakFace · 10-17-2003, 08:34 AM

I clicked the link and got nothing.. Its customary to post the article along with the link... I'd read it but i cannot

Arc101 · 10-17-2003, 08:45 AM

The article is to big to post, so I'll just put in a couple of the reviews.

Quote:

E.T. the Extra- Terrestrial
Atari 2600 • 1983
The original lousy licensed game, E.T. had players fishing phone parts and Reese's Pieces from holes in the ground. EGM voted it the worst game of all time. We forced the kids to play it because…well, we had to when we were little. Why shouldn't they suffer, as well?

[E.T. falls into a pit]

Tim: What just happened?

John: Ah, you're trapped forever!

Brian: This is sad.

Tim: Why did my head just get farther away? I can't get out.

Kirk: Maybe you should try to go over those dark green things.

Tim: I'm trying. I don't know how.

John: He's using his E.T. powers! What does this have to do with the movie? I don't remember the parts where E.T. falls into pits and makes his neck longer….

Kirk: Quit falling into the stupid pit, you piece of s***!

Tim: Can I stop now?

Brian: This controller's crap; you need to sit on top of the TV to play.

[An icon appears in the pit]

John: Yay! You got a…thing.

EGM: What did you get?

John: A backwards C?

Brian: Reese's Pieces? Am I in a different pit this time?

[Ten minutes later, Brian escapes the pit]

Tim: Whoa, someone has you!

John: It's a lady.

Tim: No it's not. Her hair is E.T.

Sheldon: No! No! Not E.T.! Kill! Kill! Kill E.T.! Glock E.T.!

John: This game is so confusing.

Kirk: No wonder it's the worst ever.

Brian: A flower grew!

Kirk: Piss on it.

Tim: Oh look—it's a dork!

[Points to Elliott on the screen]

John: He put himself inside your body. He bestowed his life force upon you.

Tim: [Points to lava lamp on TV stand] That thing's more interesting.

John: Yeah, let's watch the lamp. It's more fun and less predictable.

Tim: E.T. is unpredictable: You never know when you'll fall into a pit or when a kid is gonna enter your body…I mean use your skin as his own.

Nico: Didn't they bury this game in Mexico or something?

Gordon: Is that a woman?

Becky: It's Zeus. He's taking you away to the Acropolis.

Andrew: The point of E.T. is to see how bad they can piss you off...

Nico: …before you turn it off.

Becky: Maybe another movie company that didn't want you to like E.T. made this game.

Andrew: Yeah, it was some sort of corporate sabotage.

Sheldon: Hurry, make him die!

Gordon: Please.

[E.T. finally dies—general clapping and hurrahs]

Andrew: Eeeeeteeeee phone home.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Space Invaders
Arcade • 1978
This 25-year-old shooter was the first arcade game to become a national sensation.

EGM: This game was so popular in Japan that—

John: They made it into a TV show?

EGM: Well, no. It was so popular that they ran out—

John: Oh, did they make collectible trading cards for it?

EGM: Um, no. It was so popular that there was a shortage of the coins used to play it.

John: But you can get this game on a cell phone. Why would you want to pay for it in an arcade?

Andrew: I've seen a game like this in the arcade, but it's tons faster.

Sheldon: …and it's in color.

Andrew: …and your spaceship looks more like a spaceship.

Nico: …and not like a little box.

Gordon: It looks like food.

Andrew: Where's my rapid fire?

Nico: The aliens look like spiders...

Becky: …and squids and crabs.

John: Maybe this is what seafood will do in a thousand years.

EGM: How long could you play this game before you got bored?

Sheldon: About 15 minutes.

Andrew: If you take it on the road and play it on your cell phone, then you might play it pretty long.

Nico: There's nothing else to do.

Andrew: Except look at nature.

EGM: Would you rather play this or play outside?

Andrew: Outside.

Nico: This game needs a super bomb or something.

Tim: This is nothing compared to Grand Theft Auto III, because you can't steal a taxi cab, pick up somebody, then drive into the ocean with him.

Kirk: And you can't pick up an AK-47 and go kill—hey, those aliens on the top row, you use them in EGM for stuff.

EGM: Yeah, we use them to end our articles. They do kinda look like they're from Space Invaders, don't they?

Tim: They're going to sue you.

Kirk: I'm sure everyone who made this game is dead by now.

Moskie · 10-17-2003, 08:54 AM

Sorry GakFace, but yea, I thought it was a little too big to post in its entirety. The link seems to be still be working, so I guess it isn't Farked yet. I wonder why you can't see it?

Ganguro · 10-17-2003, 10:07 AM

cause it was slashdotted earlier this week as well.. keep tying Gakface

IckUber · 10-17-2003, 10:45 AM

It's working for me. I wonder if those kids really said all of that stuff. Kinda smart assish for 11 year olds....but maybe not? How could those kids not like tetris, that game is still around, for GBA and Nintendo 64.

mrquackers · 10-17-2003, 11:56 AM

"It's a Wonderful Life" said it right:

Youth is wasted on the wrong people.

RedCometChar · 10-17-2003, 10:57 PM

Damn. I thought everybody knew how to play Tetris. Little bastards...

CyCo PL · 10-18-2003, 01:41 AM

I don't like those kids.

Mr.Deflok · 10-18-2003, 02:57 AM

They speak like they're characters from Dawsons Creek, the little fuckers.

TerresqueÜ · 10-18-2003, 07:16 AM

Stupid kids! Insulting what was great back then. Little bastards shoul;d be bound, gagged, and shot!

Speed_Gibson · 10-18-2003, 10:47 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by TerresqueÜ
Stupid kids! Insulting what was great back then. Little bastards should be bound, gagged, and shot!

those games are still great, and agree with that second part

Neato · 10-18-2003, 12:02 PM

This article has depicted a bleak future. I'm going to cry after I finish typing this.
As a result of this, my kids will start out with Ataris and work their way up through the years. No PS4s for them, no matter how cool they are. I'll teach them to respect the roots of gaming.

Prophecy · 10-18-2003, 12:45 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Neato
This article has depicted a bleak future. I'm going to cry after I finish typing this.
As a result of this, my kids will start out with Ataris and work their way up through the years. No PS4s for them, no matter how cool they are. I'll teach them to respect the roots of gaming.

LOL

But it is sad to see how those games were disrepected, Mario and Space Invaders both got trashed. Personally a good game of Space Invaders or Pac Man with friends is more fun than a game of GTA III, at least to me anyway...

vermin · 10-18-2003, 10:21 PM

Very funny. Reminded me of myself and my friends at that age. Foul-mouthed (when parents absent) rude and put down everything. I thought the tetris comments were the best.

Quote:

Tim: Which button do I press to make the blocks explode?

EGM: Sorry, they don't explode.

Becky: This is boring. Maybe if it had characters and stuff and different levels, it would be OK. If things blew up or something or—

Sheldon: If there were bombs.

Becky: Yeah, or special bricks. Like, if a yellow brick touched a red brick it would blow up and you'd have to start over.

John: Why haven't I won yet? I've paired up so many of the same color.

EGM: Don't worry about colors.

John: I just lined up six of the same color. Why didn't they blow up?

EGM: Nothing blows up.

glophead · 10-22-2003, 06:26 PM

Back in my day we were lucky if we had 2 buttons and 3 pixels, and we had to program all the commands ourselves.

seretogis · 10-22-2003, 07:18 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by glophead
Back in my day we were lucky if we had 2 buttons and 3 pixels, and we had to program all the commands ourselves.

Some of the first games I played were programs that I typed in at age six or so, from Byte magazine.

10-17-2003, 07:33 AM	#1 (permalink)
Moskie Pure Chewing Satisfaction Location: can i use bbcode [i]here[/i]?	EGM gives today's kids yesterday's games Found this on Fark, so maybe some of you have seen it already. http://www.egmmag.com/article2/0,4364,1338730,00.asp EGM got some kids (12, 13 years old or so) to sit down and play some real old school games, like Pong, Donkey Kong, and that horrid E.T. game for the Atari. The article is the transcript of what the kids said as they were playing. It's pretty damn funny. The comments seem a little to consistently witty to have been made by some snot-nosed kids, so I suspect EGM might have doctored things a bit. Nonetheless, it's a good read. __________________ Greetings and salutations.

10-17-2003, 08:05 AM	#3 (permalink)
glytch I am not permanent. Location: Tennessee	Wow, those kids are pretty articulate to be 11-13, wouldn't you think? The 11-13 year olds that I know can barely string an audible sentence together. This has given me a new-found admiration for kids. (But don't get me wrong, I still hate the snivling little bastards.) Edit: Holy crap, I just read the E.T. comments. Where the hell did these kids learn to talk like that? "Brian: A flower grew! Kirk: Piss on it." I would have gotten my ass beat if I talked like that when I was younger. __________________ If you're flammable and have legs, you are never blocking a fire exit. - Mitch Hedberg Last edited by glytch; 10-17-2003 at 08:12 AM..*

10-17-2003, 08:34 AM	#4 (permalink)
GakFace Go Ninja, Go Ninja Go!! Location: IN, USA	I clicked the link and got nothing.. Its customary to post the article along with the link... I'd read it but i cannot __________________ RoboBlaster: Welcome to the club! Not that I'm in the club. And there really isn'a a club in the first place. But if there was a club and if I was in it, I would definitely welcome you to it.

10-17-2003, 08:54 AM	#6 (permalink)
Moskie Pure Chewing Satisfaction Location: can i use bbcode [i]here[/i]?	Sorry GakFace, but yea, I thought it was a little too big to post in its entirety. The link seems to be still be working, so I guess it isn't Farked yet. I wonder why you can't see it? __________________ Greetings and salutations.

10-17-2003, 10:45 AM	#8 (permalink)
IckUber Funran Location: Norman, OK	It's working for me. I wonder if those kids really said all of that stuff. Kinda smart assish for 11 year olds....but maybe not? How could those kids not like tetris, that game is still around, for GBA and Nintendo 64. __________________ How much is y'all Piolkles?

10-17-2003, 08:02 AM	#2 (permalink)
Moonduck Junkie Location: SE USA	Very funny article. I would guess that EGM edited it, but I was rather verbose as a kid, and these kid were probably chosen because they were articulate.

10-17-2003, 10:07 AM	#7 (permalink)
Ganguro Army of Me	cause it was slashdotted earlier this week as well.. keep tying Gakface

10-17-2003, 11:56 AM	#9 (permalink)
mrquackers Exhausted Location: Northeastern US - please send help!	"It's a Wonderful Life" said it right: Youth is wasted on the wrong people. __________________ "If you're walking on thin ice, you may as well go ahead and dance."

10-17-2003, 10:57 PM	#10 (permalink)
RedCometChar Not Brand Ecch! Location: New Orleans	Damn. I thought everybody knew how to play Tetris. Little bastards... __________________ Killing that robot makes me want to go home.

10-18-2003, 01:41 AM	#11 (permalink)
CyCo PL Addict Location: Tulsa, OK	I don't like those kids.

10-18-2003, 02:57 AM	#12 (permalink)
Mr.Deflok Blood + Fire Location: New Zealand	They speak like they're characters from Dawsons Creek, the little fuckers.

10-18-2003, 07:16 AM	#13 (permalink)
TerresqueÜ Hiding Out	Stupid kids! Insulting what was great back then. Little bastards shoul;d be bound, gagged, and shot! __________________ Say yes to the 'Tilted Roleplaying' Forum http://www.tfproject.org/tfp/showthread.php?s=&threadid=1932&highlight=petition

10-18-2003, 12:02 PM	#15 (permalink)
Neato Insane Location: The Oposite, Inverse of Hell (Wisconsin)	This article has depicted a bleak future. I'm going to cry after I finish typing this. As a result of this, my kids will start out with Ataris and work their way up through the years. No PS4s for them, no matter how cool they are. I'll teach them to respect the roots of gaming.

10-22-2003, 06:26 PM	#18 (permalink)
glophead Crazy Location: Springfield, VA	Back in my day we were lucky if we had 2 buttons and 3 pixels, and we had to program all the commands ourselves.