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What do you call a male porn star getting it on?
Answer: A feather boa |
When a snake asks you what to use to dust his lair, what do you say? (A feather, boa... get it?)
Answer: I think Abraham Lincoln said that. |
This play is dragging on, isn't? I wish something exciting would happen.
The lion, the witch, and the wardrobe |
What is a book that was a bad BBC movie and then a family Disney movie?
Answer: Postal Service |
A new company that will send someone over to your place of work, to kill them ALL!!!
Answer: My armpit smells funny. |
What did Hitler say to Eva Braun?
onomatopeia |
Where is that green legume that keeps the princess awake all night standing?
(on a mat. a pea.) Grrrooooooaaannnn Answer: Skin-a-marinky dinky dink |
Mae West said to the Marx Brothers, "Come up and see me for a little: ."
who put the 'bop' in the bop shoo wop de dop? |
who was barry mann?
4 and 20 were in a pie... |
How many plums did Little Boy Blue pull out of a... wait, no. How many blackbirds were where?
Broken snowboard laces. |
Bolivia's excuse for not entering a competitor in the Turin Winter Olympic Games.
double-sided tape |
What do you call an adhesive strip that tells you one thing and says the opposite when your back is turned.
answer: Not my pants. |
What the transvestite said?
A nice cup of Java |
What did the lady in the McDonald's drive-through really want?
purple-people eater. |
who were individual members of the minnesota viking's defensive line nicknamed a few years ago?
"Say Hallalujiah!!!" |
According to Jessica Hahn, what does Jimmy Swaggart say in his most extreme moment of passion?
Answer: Two pierced nipples. |
Why didn't your mom breast feed you?
answer: corn is for kids! |
what did the ATF Agent said to the moonshiner?
picasso's ear |
What was Picasso's dog caught chewing on late one night?
nose goblins. |
What do you hire when you are too damn lazy to blow your nose?
Leather mask |
what did hannibal lecter wear to the cobblers' ball?
one trick pony... |
what the one trick cowboy rode into town on
mapquest.com |
What doesnt hold a candle to google.maps?
Orange tuna fish |
What is that hiding in a tupperware bowl in the back of my fridge (eww..not really!)
Answer: A candle in the wind |
What's soon to be snuffed out?
broken cd's |
What I had a hallway full of after my run in with a crappy batch of blank Memorex cd's. Needless to say I WILL NEVER purchase another memorex product again in my life. I have since switched to Maxell and have been completely satisfied and would recomend them to all. (oh yea, I took my cd spindle and threw it out my room into a wall)
Optimus Prime |
What to you call the optimus differentiated over t.
Two blue balls |
What did Little Jack Horner end up with when he couldn't find a napkin?
larry, moe and curly. |
Who are the three greatest men in history?
Answer: A problematic bladder |
What's that warm, wet feeling down below?
Clinking glasses |
what happens when two bespectacled lovers kiss?
cordless phone |
what did the homeowner wish he had bought as he was strangled to death with his own phone cord?
Answer: tuna tacos |
what would go great with a warm tuna fish milkshake?
water bottle |
What did the alcoholic find in his cabinet in the midst of the intervention?
manicotti. |
Tony Soprano in a hide-a-bed.
tool chest |
What was my highschool nickname after I had several pairs of plyers and a hammer surgically implanted into my chest?
Pez |
What candies are actually harmful to eat and probably give you cancer, but you don't care because they come in cool, collectable little dispensers.
Ebola Virus |
What is a computer malady, that has two attempts to take down your hard drive, ten files at a time?
A really hot redhead. |
Who is Bill attracted to?
kiln hardened clay |
What did the stoner end up with when he mistakenly asked the artist for "pot"?
har har. bedside table lamp. |
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