What do you call a male porn star getting it on?

Answer: A feather boa

When a snake asks you what to use to dust his lair, what do you say? (A feather, boa... get it?)


Answer: I think Abraham Lincoln said that.

This play is dragging on, isn't? I wish something exciting would happen.


The lion, the witch, and the wardrobe

What is a book that was a bad BBC movie and then a family Disney movie?

Answer: Postal Service

A new company that will send someone over to your place of work, to kill them ALL!!!


Answer: My armpit smells funny.

What did Hitler say to Eva Braun?



onomatopeia

Where is that green legume that keeps the princess awake all night standing?

(on a mat. a pea.)

Grrrooooooaaannnn

Answer: Skin-a-marinky dinky dink

Mae West said to the Marx Brothers, "Come up and see me for a little: ."



who put the 'bop' in the bop shoo wop de dop?

who was barry mann?


4 and 20 were in a pie...

How many plums did Little Boy Blue pull out of a... wait, no. How many blackbirds were where?


Broken snowboard laces.

Bolivia's excuse for not entering a competitor in the Turin Winter Olympic Games.



double-sided tape

What do you call an adhesive strip that tells you one thing and says the opposite when your back is turned.

answer: Not my pants.

What the transvestite said?



A nice cup of Java

What did the lady in the McDonald's drive-through really want?



purple-people eater.

who were individual members of the minnesota viking's defensive line nicknamed a few years ago?

"Say Hallalujiah!!!"

According to Jessica Hahn, what does Jimmy Swaggart say in his most extreme moment of passion?

Answer: Two pierced nipples.

Why didn't your mom breast feed you?

answer: corn is for kids!

what did the ATF Agent said to the moonshiner?



picasso's ear

What was Picasso's dog caught chewing on late one night?


nose goblins.

What do you hire when you are too damn lazy to blow your nose?

Leather mask

what did hannibal lecter wear to the cobblers' ball?


one trick pony...

what the one trick cowboy rode into town on


mapquest.com

What doesnt hold a candle to google.maps?

Orange tuna fish

What is that hiding in a tupperware bowl in the back of my fridge (eww..not really!)

Answer: A candle in the wind

What's soon to be snuffed out?



broken cd's

What I had a hallway full of after my run in with a crappy batch of blank Memorex cd's. Needless to say I WILL NEVER purchase another memorex product again in my life. I have since switched to Maxell and have been completely satisfied and would recomend them to all. (oh yea, I took my cd spindle and threw it out my room into a wall)

Optimus Prime

What to you call the optimus differentiated over t.

Two blue balls

What did Little Jack Horner end up with when he couldn't find a napkin?

larry, moe and curly.

Who are the three greatest men in history?


Answer: A problematic bladder

What's that warm, wet feeling down below?


Clinking glasses

what happens when two bespectacled lovers kiss?



cordless phone

what did the homeowner wish he had bought as he was strangled to death with his own phone cord?


Answer: tuna tacos

what would go great with a warm tuna fish milkshake?



water bottle

What did the alcoholic find in his cabinet in the midst of the intervention?

manicotti.

Tony Soprano in a hide-a-bed.


tool chest

What was my highschool nickname after I had several pairs of plyers and a hammer surgically implanted into my chest?

Pez

What candies are actually harmful to eat and probably give you cancer, but you don't care because they come in cool, collectable little dispensers.


Ebola Virus

What is a computer malady, that has two attempts to take down your hard drive, ten files at a time?

A really hot redhead.

Who is Bill attracted to?


kiln hardened clay

What did the stoner end up with when he mistakenly asked the artist for "pot"?

har har.

bedside table lamp.