Poppinjay

Now that I'm an unemployed bum, tell me the best tricks for finding a job (not!).

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I think the Apocalypse is happening all around us. We go on eating desserts and watching TV. I know I do. I wish we were more capable of sustained passion and sustained resistance. We should be screaming and what we do is gossip. -Lydia Millet

Redlemon

If there's a photo of the interviewer's family on the desk, be sure to mention how hot they are, and how you'd "hit it". Especially the little dog. This shows "out of the box" thinking, which bosses love.

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I can't read your signature. Sorry.

skier

Are you asking the interviewer to scratch your balls or his? The fate of the entire planet depends on your answer.

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"Asking a bomb squad if an old bomb is still "real" is not the best thing to do if you want to save it." - denim

Poppinjay

Mine. I thought that was obvious!

As for the Lord of the Rings answer, I actually did that yesterday. First on Encore East, then on Encore West.

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I think the Apocalypse is happening all around us. We go on eating desserts and watching TV. I know I do. I wish we were more capable of sustained passion and sustained resistance. We should be screaming and what we do is gossip. -Lydia Millet

BigBen

Remember to wax poetic about your appreciation of the finer things in life;

And ask if Medicinal Marijuana is covered under the companies drug plan...

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3.141592654
Hey, if you are impressed with my memorizing pi to 10 digits, you should see the size of my penis.

maleficent

oooh a brogue is sexy... combine that with drunkenness and you're in like flynn.... do ya have red hair? BOR thinks redheads are really hot!!

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ObieX

Always sport your finest erection to your interview. It will demonstrate that you are a confident individual, and a "hard" worker.

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We Must Dissent.

Bill O'Rights

Wrong! I don't...think. I know.

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"I distrust those people who know so well what God wants them to do because I notice it always coincides with their own desires." - Susan B. Anthony

"Hedonism with rules isn't hedonism at all, it's the Republican party." - JumpinJesus

It is indisputable that true beauty lies within...but a nice rack sure doesn't hurt.

cyrnel

Scour fuckedcompany.com for dirt on the company. Ask them to confirm or deny everything.

Ask if they have a fast net, and if it's okay to bring friends in after-hours.

In group interviews, nod or wink to any minorities while espousing your views on equal opportunity employment.

Should your leisure interests come up, use it as a chance to mention fishing, which is also something enjoyed by your uncle the Labor Attorney.

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There are a vast number of people who are uninformed and heavily propagandized, but fundamentally decent. The propaganda that inundates them is effective when unchallenged, but much of it goes only skin deep. If they can be brought to raise questions and apply their decent instincts and basic intelligence, many people quickly escape the confines of the doctrinal system and are willing to do something to help others who are really suffering and oppressed." -Manufacturing Consent: Noam Chomsky and the Media, p. 195

Fly

dude.........i figure if you start out w/ the wobbly pops,then slowly progress through this amazing list you have,you're bound to have at least something come up.


good luck man.


*opens wobbly pop for poppinjays good fortune*

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BASTARD

SterlingStudios

paddyjoe

I've always enjoyed cursing endlessly at people whether they've rejected me or not. Ya fuckin bastard!

paddyjoe

Oh yeah, I forgot to add that being drunk does helps an awful lot with the cursing. Prick.

maleficent

No No No No No..

You have a disability -- you have tourettes syndrome ... you can't help yourself.. (least that's my excuse in the airport when i feel the need to go off on the red jackets

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Bill O'Rights

That's brilliant!! Now...you fall under the Americans with Disabilities Act. They have to hire you...or face legal action. And, you get to curse out the "boss" any damn time you feel like it. Win win.

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"I distrust those people who know so well what God wants them to do because I notice it always coincides with their own desires." - Susan B. Anthony

"Hedonism with rules isn't hedonism at all, it's the Republican party." - JumpinJesus

It is indisputable that true beauty lies within...but a nice rack sure doesn't hurt.

maleficent

I've let all you fuckers in on my master plan... fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuckity fuck fuck.. andfuck

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BigBen

I love it when girls talk dirty to me....

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3.141592654
Hey, if you are impressed with my memorizing pi to 10 digits, you should see the size of my penis.

Fremen

And we wonder why mal isn't in the 'fuck' thread.
She expends it all in other threads!

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Google

maleficent

ya mean that thread's not about the actual act - just the word? I figggered if I went in there i'd be depressed...

Oh yeah - -on to this topic...

Pick a tagent and just start talking about whatever pops into your head -- topic? we don't need no stinkin' topic... talk about what YOU want to talk about - it's all about you remember? and this company would be damn lucky tohave you - -make sure you tell them that... tell 'em I told you --everyone knows me..

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paddyjoe

Oh man, listen to yourselves. And you're calling ME disabled. Fuckers!

maleficent

you could use TFP as a reference.. when they ask for who in particular.. tell 'em to just start a thread - -people will respond to anything -

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Fly

yeah poppinjay...........tell'em how disabled of a guy joe is.......they won't fuck with him,and you'll be dialed in.

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BASTARD

SterlingStudios

uncle phil

we got 'em, pj...

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"We were wrong, terribly wrong. (We) should not have tried to fight a guerrilla war with conventional military tactics against a foe willing to absorb enormous casualties...in a country lacking the fundamental political stability necessary to conduct effective military and pacification operations. It could not be done and it was not done."
- Robert S. McNamara
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"We will take our napalm and flame throwers out of the land that scarcely knows the use of matches...
We will leave you your small joys and smaller troubles."
- Eugene McCarthy in "Vietnam Message"
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never wrestle with a pig.
you both get dirty;
the pig likes it.

Poppinjay

I have two back to back job interviews next week. And they called and asked before I even had a chance to get drunk.

Now I'll have to practice the brogue and the off topic discssion. "I was a wee lad from down the lanes of Limerick, but they all said I had the odd manner of my pa, from county Toome. I like floury white potatas and worshippin' our Lard."

scratch scratch

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I think the Apocalypse is happening all around us. We go on eating desserts and watching TV. I know I do. I wish we were more capable of sustained passion and sustained resistance. We should be screaming and what we do is gossip. -Lydia Millet

jujueye

Actually, if you speak only in limerick, that would benefit you as well.

"I'm here to learn of your job,
because the previous git was a slob,
he'd kick and he'd scream,
at every machine,
and then would play with his corn cob."

If they ask you about your relevant experience:

"I have no experience like that,
except that I did it to my cat,
she bent over one day,
to get out of the way,
and felt my John Thomas so fat."

I think this is working pretty well......

maleficent

Don't read nonsense at work.
Don't read nonsense at work.
Don't read nonsense at work.
Don't read nonsense at work.
Don't read nonsense at work.


People think you are an idiot when you look at your computer screen when you are writing code and laugh out loud, especially when you don't have a particularly quiet giggle. The code just isn't that funny.

you could laugh for no good reason...

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vermin

Bring a gun to the interview and make the interviewer "an offer he can't refuse". Just saw The Godfather last night for about the 15th time. Worked for them.

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If puns were sausages, this would be the wurst.

maleficent

Or do an al pacino in scarface and introduce them to your little friend

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Sultana

This is So F-in funny! Particularly because I've recently requested my co-workers to communicate to me only in haiku...and that's how I've started communicating with them.

Server lights flash bright
Networks crash and burn like leaves
Free time to clean desks

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"Love is a snowmobile racing across the tundra and then suddenly it flips over, pinning you underneath.
At night, the ice weasels come." -

Matt Groening

My goal? To fulfill my potential.