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08-26-2005, 07:48 AM
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#1 (permalink) |
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Teufel Hunden's Freundin
Location: Westminster, CO
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Shit happens. . .in various world religions
I searched 5-6 pages back in this forum to see if it was here, and I didn't see it sooo..... here goes! (note: there may be one or 2 or 5 that aren't "real" religions, fyi)
TAOISM: Shit happens. CONFUCIANISM: Confucius say, "Shit happens". ZEN: (What is the sound of shit happening?) JESUITISM: If shit happens and when nobody is watching, is it really shit? ISLAM: Shit happens if it is the will of Allah. COMMUNISM. Equal shit happens to all people. CATHOLICISM: Shit happens because you are bad. PSYCHOANALYSIS: Shit happens because of your toilet training. SCIENTOLOGY: Shit happens if you're on our shit list. ZOROASTRIANISM: Bad shit happens, and good shit happens. UNITARIANISM: Maybe shit happens. Let's have coffee and donuts. RIGHT-WING PROTESTANTISM: Let this shit happen to someone else. JUDAISM: Why does shit always happen to US? REFORM JUDAISM: Got any Kaopectate? MYSTICISM: What weird shit! AGNOSTICISM: What is this shit? ATHEISM: I don't believe this shit! NIHILISM: Who needs this shit? AZTEC: Cut out this shit! QUAKER: Let's not fight over this shit. FORTEANISM: No shit?? 12-STEP: I am powerless to cut the shit. VOODOO: Hey, that shit looks just like you! NEWAGE: Visualize shit not happening. DEISM: Shit just happens. EXISTENTIALISM: Shit doesn't happen; shit is. SECULAR HUMANISM: Shit evolves. CHRISTIAN SCIENCE: Shit is in your mind. BUDDHISM: Shit happens, but pay no mind. SHINTOISM: Shit is everywhere. HINDUISM: This shit has happened before. WICCA: Mix this shit together and make it happen! HASIDISM: Shit never happens the same way twice. THEOSOPHY: You don't know half of the shit that happens. DIANETICS: Your mother gave you shit before your were born. SEVENTH DAY ADVENTIST: No shit on Saturdays. JEHOVAH's WITNESSES: No shit happens until Armageddon. MOONIES: Only happy shit really happens. HOPI: Corn fertilizer happens. BAHA'I: It's all the same shit. STOICISM: This shit is good for me. OBJECTIVISM: Our shit is good for you. EST: If my shit bothers you, that's your fault. REAGANISM: Don't move; the shit will trickle down. FASCISM: Shit makes the trains run on time. CARGO CULT: A barge will come and take all the shit away. EMACS: Hold down Control-Meta-Shit. DISCORDIANISM: Some funny shit happened to me today. RASTAFARIANISM: Let's smoke this shit. CHARISMATIC: This is not shit and it doesn't smell bad. MASONIC: Shit happens, but we can't discuss it during Lodge. RED CROSS: Shit happens - send money.
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Teg yw edrych tuag adref. |
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08-26-2005, 09:01 AM
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#5 (permalink) |
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Getting it.
Super Moderator
Location: Lion City
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Dadaists: Banana
Surrealists: The truth of shit is found in your dreams... Modernist: Big, monolithic shit Postmodernist: Same old shit, new look
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"My hands are on fire. Hands are on fire. Ain't got no more time for all you charlatans and liars." - Old Man Luedecke Last edited by Charlatan; 08-26-2005 at 09:09 AM.. |
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08-26-2005, 09:22 AM
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#8 (permalink) |
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Getting it.
Super Moderator
Location: Lion City
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Situationist: Capitalists take shit and make it palatable to the masses... Spectacular Shit!
Beat: Cool shit, daddy-o
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"My hands are on fire. Hands are on fire. Ain't got no more time for all you charlatans and liars." - Old Man Luedecke |
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08-26-2005, 11:56 AM
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#14 (permalink) |
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Free Mars!
Location: I dunno, there's white people around me saying "eh" all the time
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UPS - What can shit do for you?
Fedex - Shit on time Stoner - Shiiiiiiiiit dude! McDonald - Lovin' shit Firefox - Rediscover the shit Google - Shiiit Morpheus - Free your shit NASA - Shit, we got a problem
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Looking out the window, that's an act of war. Staring at my shoes, that's an act of war. Committing an act of war? Oh you better believe that's an act of war Last edited by feelgood; 08-26-2005 at 11:59 AM.. |
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08-27-2005, 05:48 AM
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#21 (permalink) |
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Getting it.
Super Moderator
Location: Lion City
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Hare Krishnas: Hare... Hare Shit, Hare Shit
Orthodoxy: Thou shall shit here only (no exceptions). Accountant: Shit counter
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"My hands are on fire. Hands are on fire. Ain't got no more time for all you charlatans and liars." - Old Man Luedecke |
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08-27-2005, 08:45 AM
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#24 (permalink) |
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comfortably numb...
Super Moderator
Location: upstate
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anybody know Jack Shit?
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"We were wrong, terribly wrong. (We) should not have tried to fight a guerrilla war with conventional military tactics against a foe willing to absorb enormous casualties...in a country lacking the fundamental political stability necessary to conduct effective military and pacification operations. It could not be done and it was not done." - Robert S. McNamara ----------------------------------------- "We will take our napalm and flame throwers out of the land that scarcely knows the use of matches... We will leave you your small joys and smaller troubles." - Eugene McCarthy in "Vietnam Message" ----------------------------------------- never wrestle with a pig. you both get dirty; the pig likes it. |
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09-04-2005, 07:28 AM
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#29 (permalink) |
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Minion of the scaléd ones
Location: Northeast Jesusland
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Neo-Paganism: The old shit is so much better than all the new shit.
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Light a man a fire, and he will be warm while it burns. Set a man on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life. |
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09-04-2005, 10:06 AM
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#30 (permalink) |
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Free Mars!
Location: I dunno, there's white people around me saying "eh" all the time
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Google: The most comprehensive shit search on the web
Yahoo: Shit!
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Looking out the window, that's an act of war. Staring at my shoes, that's an act of war. Committing an act of war? Oh you better believe that's an act of war |
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03-13-2009, 06:42 AM
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#35 (permalink) |
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Riding the Ocean Spray
Location: S.E. PA in U Sofa
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Devote your life to exploring the true meaning of "what is shit" ...and aspire to become the top shithead.
ps: Btw, some shithead neighbor of mine left his plastic bag of dog shit next to my free-form natural style azalea plant in front of my house. What kind of shit is that? Last edited by BadNick; 03-13-2009 at 06:45 AM.. |
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03-13-2009, 12:27 PM
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#36 (permalink) |
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comfortably numb...
Super Moderator
Location: upstate
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lost puppy shit...
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"We were wrong, terribly wrong. (We) should not have tried to fight a guerrilla war with conventional military tactics against a foe willing to absorb enormous casualties...in a country lacking the fundamental political stability necessary to conduct effective military and pacification operations. It could not be done and it was not done." - Robert S. McNamara ----------------------------------------- "We will take our napalm and flame throwers out of the land that scarcely knows the use of matches... We will leave you your small joys and smaller troubles." - Eugene McCarthy in "Vietnam Message" ----------------------------------------- never wrestle with a pig. you both get dirty; the pig likes it. |
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03-13-2009, 12:36 PM
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#37 (permalink) |
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warrior bodhisattva
Super Moderator
Location: East-central Canada
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Constipated miser: "I don't give a shit."
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Knowing that death is certain and that the time of death is uncertain, what's the most important thing? —Bhikkhuni Pema Chödrön Humankind cannot bear very much reality. —From "Burnt Norton," Four Quartets (1936), T. S. Eliot |
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| religions, shit, world |
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BASTARD
