unoaman

Many of us grew up with some of these sayings, anybody have more to add?



It's hotter today than, two gerbils humping in a wool sock!

"Well knock me down and steal muh teeth!"

"Well, butter my butt and call me a biscuit."

"I'll slap you so hard, your clothes will be outta style."

"This'll jar your preserves."

"Cute as a sack full of puppies."

"If things get any better, I may have
to hire someone to help me enjoy it."

"Gooder than grits."

"It's so dry, the trees are bribing the dogs."

Wintery roads are said to be "slicker than otter snot."

A bothersome person is "like a booger that you can't thump off."

When something is bad then you say, "that ain't no count."

If something is hard to do, it's "like trying to herd cats."

"She's uglier than homemade soap."

"Your momma's so fat, when she got on the scales to be weighed,
it said 'To be continued'."

"He fell out of the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down."

"Uglier than a lard bucket full of armpits."

"I'm just about as welcome at my inlaws,
as a hair in a biscuit.",

uncle phil

"well slap my ass and call me sally..."

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"We were wrong, terribly wrong. (We) should not have tried to fight a guerrilla war with conventional military tactics against a foe willing to absorb enormous casualties...in a country lacking the fundamental political stability necessary to conduct effective military and pacification operations. It could not be done and it was not done."
- Robert S. McNamara
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"We will take our napalm and flame throwers out of the land that scarcely knows the use of matches...
We will leave you your small joys and smaller troubles."
- Eugene McCarthy in "Vietnam Message"
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never wrestle with a pig.
you both get dirty;
the pig likes it.

bernadette

"Fine as frog hair."

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Munku

Never heard any of those..

Fly

i'll knock you so hard,you'll wish it was last week!!!


my sister fell outta the window....


you'd think that her head would be split....


but something relieved us that morning.......



she fell in a bucket of............shaving cream,shaving cream...........la...de...da............

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BASTARD

SterlingStudios

heyal256

"more fun then a barrel full of monkees."

bundy

he/she's got a face like a dropped meat pie.

or

he/she's uglier than a bucket full of smashed crabs.

or

he/she's uglier than a bucket full of bums.

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Ohayo!!!

Beefimator

My all time favorite...

Uglier then a bag of smashed assholes

unoaman

Beefimator...you beat me to the punch...just remembered that one, came back, and you already had it posted...good job!

shakran

she's as welcome as a whore in church.

He's as welcome as a bastard at a family reunion

He's so ugly he'd make a freight train take a dirt road (hey, I didn't come up with 'em!)

He's happier'n a pig in shit

he's Slicker'n goose shit on a linoleum floor

She's a sweet thing (translation: She's really nice)

She's a sweet lil' thing (translation: She's a bitch)

theguyondacouch

dumb as a bag of assholes

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"Lick my frozen metal ass!"

Speed_Gibson

that one I have heard numerous times; just where escapes my memory now though

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Started talking to yourself I see.
Yes, it's the only way I can be certain of an intelligent conversation.

Black Adder

vermin

She's got a cute face, but her vagina's a wreck!

Smooth...like surprisin' yer sister when she comes home drunk.

Breath like an anchovy's cunt.

Eight to eighty, a heartbeat 'n' a hole.

You feelthy bastard, I speet on your scrotum!

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If puns were sausages, this would be the wurst.

ibis

Not a great one... but my grandpa always said "hot damn!"

cj22009

It's slicker than owl shit
A bull frog wouldn't bump its ass iff it had wings
It's raining like a cow pissing own a flat rock
wouldnt touch her with a ten foot pole

Bill O'Rights

Used when someone supposes, or second guesses, with the word "if" too many time.

"Yeah...and if worms had shotguns, birds wouldn't fuck with 'em."

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"I distrust those people who know so well what God wants them to do because I notice it always coincides with their own desires." - Susan B. Anthony

"Hedonism with rules isn't hedonism at all, it's the Republican party." - JumpinJesus

It is indisputable that true beauty lies within...but a nice rack sure doesn't hurt.

rockogre

She had a butt that looked like a bag of rabbits.

She was so ugly she had to sneak up on the mirror.

(Heavy rain) A toad strangler

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Only two defining forces have ever offered to die for you,
Jesus Christ and the American G. I.
One died for your soul, the other for your freedom

Beefimator

If someone asks you a question, and the answer is a definate yes..."Does the pope shit in the woods?"

cj2112

darker than the inside of a cow

colder than a witches tit in a brass bra

unoaman

This one is for the Bill O'Rights...Just thought of it when reading yours..."Yeah, and if aunt Nelly had balls, she'd be Uncle Harry".