Memnoch

No really, go ahead. Ask me anything. About anything. I can take it! I am the end-all, be-all. Alpha and omega, baby! I know the answer to everything.

__________________
Doing my best not to end up like Kathleen Chang.

bernadette

what is the square root of 27 naked elephants drinking wine coolers in a volks-wagon making an illegal left hand turn going the wrong way on a one way street in the middle of the desert in alaska during the summer at night in the year 1984 at 2:38am?

please post your work with your answer.

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Memnoch

As all mathematelephants know, a square root is always the source of the vegetable multiplied by L7. We also know that the vegetable equivalent of 27 (or 3*3*3) is onion. While naked elephants are currently only an emerging field of mathematelephants, the concept of an extra length within the field, combined with the toxicity of fermenting grape juice (Assuming it's from france) combined with German engineering will give us the equation:

L7 * onion * world war II

An illegal left hand turn onto a one way street while going the wrong way is obviously in violation of Article Monkey, Pargraph Lion, Sentence 19 of the Geneva Convention, and is therefore a moot equation, therefore we get the equation:

L7 * onion * world war II * 0

Now, any mathematelephant worth his peppers knows that all equations that include 0 MUST equal the currnet number of pandas in the San Fransisco zoo, which is, of course, 2.3.

Now, seeing as I have several doctorates in the studies of geological formations, we can know that the Sahara desert will reach Alask in approximately eight-million years. In eight-million years, also, summer will be winter and night will be a knew stage of day known as "Might", because of a giant asteroid that Earth will have captured within its gravitational field, and which provides twice as much light as the moon (Therefore provided 2 lunar light units each night). Therefore our equation comes to:

2.3 / 8x10^6, * 3

I assume when you say 1984, you mean the 1984th year of the Messianic age, which we all know is a load of bullshit Freud made up in his failed attempts to come to understand the complexities of mathematelephants, and is therefore another moot point, therefore bringing the equation, once again, to 2.3. The final equation comes to:

2.3 * 2.38

Which, we all know, is equal to carrot.

__________________
Doing my best not to end up like Kathleen Chang.

onetime2

What is a .3 draft?

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Strive to be more curious than ignorant.

Memnoch

A .3 draft is another name for a low carb beer - 30% the carbs, 30% the calories, 30% the taste.

__________________
Doing my best not to end up like Kathleen Chang.

Peetster

How tall am I?

No, no, when lieing down.

onetime2

At the waist, chest, head, ankle, or all of the above?

__________________
Strive to be more curious than ignorant.

Memnoch

Peetster: At your tallest peak - your forehead - you are nearly 3 feet tall.

__________________
Doing my best not to end up like Kathleen Chang.

Hanxter

why is the angle of the dangle in direct proportion to the heat of the meat - provided - the mass of the ass is constant???

bernadette

wow. that is very impressive, Memnoch. A+


so um... where do baby carrots come from?
<img src="http://personal.r2-d2.cz/kaminky/0014/Mr%20&%20Mrs%20Carrot.jpg">
please don't say the cabbage patch.

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Peetster

OK, OK...

Smartass.

Why is it that I always find my keys in the last place I look?

Memnoch

Hanxter: This is because of the perfection with which I created the earth. All dangle angles, whether they be manmeat or a melting candle, have a degree of dangling that is the approximate heat of the meat minus 10 degrees fahrenheit. I might add that Fahrenheit is the correct use of measuring temperature - some quack came up with Celsius. He's in hell now.

Bernadette - I think you answered your own question with that picture.

Peetster - it's always in the last place you look because any man of god worth his salt knows that continuing to look after one finds a lost item is an invitiation to the devil as it is against my will to do so. You don't want to end up in hell with the guy who created the Celsius degree, do you?!

__________________
Doing my best not to end up like Kathleen Chang.

Peetster

And here I thought that it's cause once I found it I stopped looking.

Fremen

What color is my mind?

__________________
Google

fhqwhgads

Here's one that's been plaguing me for some time now:

Who stole the cookie from the cookie jar?

uncle phil

who let the dogs out?

__________________
"We were wrong, terribly wrong. (We) should not have tried to fight a guerrilla war with conventional military tactics against a foe willing to absorb enormous casualties...in a country lacking the fundamental political stability necessary to conduct effective military and pacification operations. It could not be done and it was not done."
- Robert S. McNamara
-----------------------------------------
"We will take our napalm and flame throwers out of the land that scarcely knows the use of matches...
We will leave you your small joys and smaller troubles."
- Eugene McCarthy in "Vietnam Message"
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never wrestle with a pig.
you both get dirty;
the pig likes it.

Memnoch

Fremen - Indigo. Definitely indigo.

Fhqwhgads - Anton Szanzador LaVey. Duh. Everyone knows that.

Uncle Phil - I did! Those damn dogs kept barking "who's gonna let us out? who? who? who?" so I let them out. Now all I ever hear is their owner yelling over and over again "who let the dogs out? who? who? who?"

__________________
Doing my best not to end up like Kathleen Chang.

uncle phil

ok, smarty...why is there air?

__________________
"We were wrong, terribly wrong. (We) should not have tried to fight a guerrilla war with conventional military tactics against a foe willing to absorb enormous casualties...in a country lacking the fundamental political stability necessary to conduct effective military and pacification operations. It could not be done and it was not done."
- Robert S. McNamara
-----------------------------------------
"We will take our napalm and flame throwers out of the land that scarcely knows the use of matches...
We will leave you your small joys and smaller troubles."
- Eugene McCarthy in "Vietnam Message"
-----------------------------------------
never wrestle with a pig.
you both get dirty;
the pig likes it.

Memnoch

Without air there wouldn't be airplanes, so how would we drive our boats in traffic?

__________________
Doing my best not to end up like Kathleen Chang.

Tophat665

Alrighty, I'll bite:
If a hen and a half can lay and egg and a half in a day and a half, how long will it take a grasshopper with a wooden leg to kick all of the seeds out of a dill pickle?

__________________
Light a man a fire, and he will be warm while it burns.
Set a man on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life.

Memnoch

Tophat: As I understand it, grasshoppers don't have seeds, nor do dill pickles come from half an egg. A hen, however, can be said to have a wooden leg if the meat in its drumstick is too tough.

__________________
Doing my best not to end up like Kathleen Chang.

uncle phil

do you walk to school or carry your lunch?

__________________
"We were wrong, terribly wrong. (We) should not have tried to fight a guerrilla war with conventional military tactics against a foe willing to absorb enormous casualties...in a country lacking the fundamental political stability necessary to conduct effective military and pacification operations. It could not be done and it was not done."
- Robert S. McNamara
-----------------------------------------
"We will take our napalm and flame throwers out of the land that scarcely knows the use of matches...
We will leave you your small joys and smaller troubles."
- Eugene McCarthy in "Vietnam Message"
-----------------------------------------
never wrestle with a pig.
you both get dirty;
the pig likes it.

Memnoch

This one time, at band camp, I stuck a flute up a pussy's ass! Poor Sebastian, his Bachside was never the same!

__________________
Doing my best not to end up like Kathleen Chang.

uncle phil

the answer to my query being?

__________________
"We were wrong, terribly wrong. (We) should not have tried to fight a guerrilla war with conventional military tactics against a foe willing to absorb enormous casualties...in a country lacking the fundamental political stability necessary to conduct effective military and pacification operations. It could not be done and it was not done."
- Robert S. McNamara
-----------------------------------------
"We will take our napalm and flame throwers out of the land that scarcely knows the use of matches...
We will leave you your small joys and smaller troubles."
- Eugene McCarthy in "Vietnam Message"
-----------------------------------------
never wrestle with a pig.
you both get dirty;
the pig likes it.

Memnoch

Well, I walked to lunch while carrying my backpack at school. Does that help?

Why ask about me? With or without omniscience, I'd have known that, silly!

__________________
Doing my best not to end up like Kathleen Chang.

uncle phil

funny - different, or funny - haha?

__________________
"We were wrong, terribly wrong. (We) should not have tried to fight a guerrilla war with conventional military tactics against a foe willing to absorb enormous casualties...in a country lacking the fundamental political stability necessary to conduct effective military and pacification operations. It could not be done and it was not done."
- Robert S. McNamara
-----------------------------------------
"We will take our napalm and flame throwers out of the land that scarcely knows the use of matches...
We will leave you your small joys and smaller troubles."
- Eugene McCarthy in "Vietnam Message"
-----------------------------------------
never wrestle with a pig.
you both get dirty;
the pig likes it.

Memnoch

Funny - sick, definitely. If not, default on funny - different.

__________________
Doing my best not to end up like Kathleen Chang.

Casus Belli

WheRe ArE teh UplAod cOdEz At, d00d?

Sion

If you had a funeral at night, would all the cars in the procession have to turn their lights off?

What have I got in my pocket?

I am curious, yellow?

__________________
He's the best, of course, of all the worst.
Some wrong been done, he done it first. -fz

I jus' want ta thank you...falettinme...be mice elf...agin...

Memnoch

t3h up104dz0rz c0d3z0rz r 4 t3h 41ph4 n 0m3g4 0n1y, d00d!

When you have a funeral at night, it only makes sense to drive with your high-beams on at all times.

You have one hand in your pocket. The other is hailing a taxi cab.

Never yellow. Sometimes blue. Always gray.

__________________
Doing my best not to end up like Kathleen Chang.

uncle phil

does one go to new york or by bus?

__________________
"We were wrong, terribly wrong. (We) should not have tried to fight a guerrilla war with conventional military tactics against a foe willing to absorb enormous casualties...in a country lacking the fundamental political stability necessary to conduct effective military and pacification operations. It could not be done and it was not done."
- Robert S. McNamara
-----------------------------------------
"We will take our napalm and flame throwers out of the land that scarcely knows the use of matches...
We will leave you your small joys and smaller troubles."
- Eugene McCarthy in "Vietnam Message"
-----------------------------------------
never wrestle with a pig.
you both get dirty;
the pig likes it.

Charlatan

I've lost my sense of youthful optimism... do you know where I left it?

__________________
"My hands are on fire. Hands are on fire. Ain't got no more time for all you charlatans and liars."
- Old Man Luedecke

rockogre

If I reverse the cam in my bike and accellerate to exactly 99.73584 miles per hour while wearing a duck suit and then throw the frammit valve into over vacum whilst briskly snapping over the n-space capicitor do you think I could travel back in time and arrive at the invention of the p-trap???

__________________
Only two defining forces have ever offered to die for you,
Jesus Christ and the American G. I.
One died for your soul, the other for your freedom