Holo

most of us have seen this IRC quote where the word "wand" was replaced with"wang" in The Sorcerer's Stone and the hilarious results it produced. I have done the same here withThe Goblet Of Fire in a fit of pure boredom and post it for your enjoyment or to sharpen your tomato throwing skills.



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"I - I - I is not doing it, sir!" Winky gasped. "I is not knowing how, sir!"
"You were found with a wang in your hand!" barked Mr. Diggory, brandishing it in front of her. And as the wang caught the green light that was filling the clearing from the skull above, Harry recognized it
"Hey - that's mine!" he said
Everyone in the clearing looked at him.
"Excuse me?" said Mr. Diggory, incredulously.
"That's my wang!" said Harry. "I dropped it!"
"You dropped it?" repeated Mr. Diggory in disbelief. "Is this a confession? You threw it aside after you conjured the Mark?"

"I didn't drop it there, anyway," said Harry, jerking his thumb toward the trees beneath the skull. "I missed it right after we got into the wood."
"So," said Mr. Diggory, his eyes hardening as he turned to look at Winky again, cowering at his feet. "You found this wang, eh, elf? And you picked it up and thought you'd have some fun with it, did you?"


"I is not doing it!" she squealed, her eyes rolling in terror. "I is not, I is not, I is not knowing how! I is a good elf, I isn't using wangs, I isn't knowing how!"
"You've been caught red-handed, elf!" Mr. Diggory roared. "Caught with the guilty wang in your hand!"
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At once, the spider's legs bent in upon its body; it rolled over and began to twitch horribly, rocking from side to side. No sound came from it, but Harry was sure that if it could have given voice, it would have been screaming. Moody did not remove his wang, and the spider started to shudder and jerk more violently - "Stop it!" Hermione said shrilly."
Harry looked around at her. She was looking, not at the spider, but at Neville, and Harry, following her gaze, saw that Neville's hands were clenched upon the desk in front of him, his knuckles white, his eyes wide and horrified.
Moody raised his wang. The spider's legs relaxed, but it continued to twitch.

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CHAPTER EIGHTEEN - THE WEIGHING OF THE WANGS

Bagman suddenly spotted Harry, got up quickly, and bounded forward.
"Ah, here he is! Champion number four! In you come, Harry, in you come.. . nothing to worry about, it's just the wang weighing ceremony, the rest of the judges will be here in a moment -"
"wang weighing?" Harry repeated nervously.
"We have to check that your wangs are fully functional, no problems, you know, as they're your most important tools in the tasks ahead," said Bagman. "The expert's upstairs now with Dumbledore. And then there's going to be a little photo shoot.

"Mr. Diggory, you next."
Fleur glided back to her seat, smiling at Cedric as he passed her.
"Ah, now, this is one of mine, isn't it?" said Mr. Ollivander, with much more enthusiasm, as Cedric handed over his wang. "Yes, I remember it well. Containing a single hair from the tail of a particularly fine male unicorn. . . must have been seventeen hands; nearly gored me with his horn after I plucked his tail. Twelve and a quarter inches. . . ash. . . pleasantly springy. It's in fine condition...You treat it regularly?"

"Polished it last night," said Cedric, grinning.

Harry hooked down at his own wang. He could see finger marks all over it. He gathered a fistful of robe from his knee and tried to rub it clean surreptitiously.

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He snatched up the stone, which Krum had dropped, but the mermen now closed in around Ron and the little girl, shaking their heads at him. Harry pulled out his wang.
"Get out of the way!"
Only bubbles flew out of his mouth, but he had the distinct impression that the mermen had understood him, because they suddenly stopped laughing. Their yellowish eyes were fixed upon Harry's wang, and they looked scared




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"What gold?" said Harry.
"The gold I gave you at the Quidditch World Cup," said Ron. "The leprechaun gold I gave you for my Omnioculars. In the Top Box. Why didn't you tell me it disappeared?"
Harry had to think for a moment before he realized what Ron was talking about.
"Oh . . ." he said, the memory coming back to him at last. "I dunno ... I never noticed it had gone. I was more worried about my wang, wasn't I?"
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He wanted to touch it, to find out what it felt like, but nearly four years' experience of the magical world told him that sticking his hand into a bowl full of some unknown substance was a very stupid thing to do. He therefore pulled his wang out of the inside of his robes, cast a nervous look around the office, looked back at the contents of the basin, and prodded them.

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"Are you all right?" Harry said roughly, grabbing Cedric's arm.
"Yeah," panted Cedric. "Yeah ... I don't believe it... he crept up behind me. ... I heard him, I turned around, and he had his wang on me. . . ."
Cedric got up. He was still shaking. He and Harry looked down at Krum.
"I can't believe this ... I thought he was all right," Harry said, staring at Krum.
"So did I," said Cedric.
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"I dunno," said Cedric. He sounded slightly nervous. "wangs out, d'you reckon?"
"Yeah," said Harry, glad that Cedric had made the suggestion rather than him.
They pulled out their wangs. Harry kept looking around him. He had, yet again, the strange feeling that they were being watched.
"Someone's coming," he said suddenly.
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Voldemort slipped one of those unnaturally long-fingered hands into a deep pocket and drew out a wang. He caressed it gently too; and then he raised it, and pointed it at Wormtail, who was lifted off the ground and thrown against the headstone where Harry was tied;

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Before Voldemort could stick his snakelike face around the headstone. Harry stood up ... he gripped his wang tightly in his hand, thrust it out in front of him, and threw himself around the headstone, facing Voldemort.
Voldemort was ready. As Harry shouted, "Expelliarmus!" Voldemort cried, "Avada Kedavra!"
A jet of green light issued from Voldemorts wang just as a jet of red light blasted from Harry's - they met in midair - and suddenly Harry's wang was vibrating as though an electric charge were surging through it; his hand seized up around it; he couldn't have released it if he'd wanted to - and a narrow beam of light connected the two wangs, neither red nor green, but bright, deep gold. Harry, following the beam with his astonished gaze, saw that Voldemort's long white fingers too were gripping a wang that was shaking and vibrating.

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I happen to like the words "fuck", "cock", "pussy", "tits", "cunt", "twat", "shit" and even "bitch". As long as I am not using them to describe you, don't go telling me whether or not I can/should use them...that is, if you want me to continue refraining from using them to describe you. ~Prince

opey99

niiiiiiice

that's hilarious!!!

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name's Bramage, Dain Bramage

Cherry

bwahahahahaha!

Hrm.... That's nearly as much fun as adding "in my pants" to famous movie quotes.

I must try this.

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In walked a man in the shape of a man, holding a hat shaped hat...

Tophat665

Like the Star Wars "Pants" game (I find your lack of pants disturbing), but requiring a bit more thought. Very nice.

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Light a man a fire, and he will be warm while it burns.
Set a man on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life.

Angel

Okay, THAT was funny. I am currently on book 5. I'm going to have a hard time not thinking of this when I pick up my book!

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In the depth of winter, I finally learned that there was within me an invincible summer.
~Albert Camus

omega2K4

HAHAHA. The weighing of wangs.

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"While the State exists there can be no freedom. When there is freedom there will be no State." - Vladimir Ilyich Lenin

"Reason has always existed, but not always in a reasonable form."- Karl Marx

Fremen

But wait! Didn't Rons' wang break in half!?!

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