Oi! troublebot, i fervently wish to join inthe ranks of your malicious Horde, i wish to ravage the horses and murder the women...errr...wait...no...switch that, but aye!! i shall murder and burn so that the heavens shall rain down with the blood of my fury, marking the land in lakes of death's red wine. all those who stand in our way, i will crush, and for my part, i will contribute my skills as a drunken, embarrassing fat man, aye, i can repulse mine enemies with a force such as the world has never seen, and i bring my weaponry of german beer steins, with which i can maul our opposers!

Sorry, that's my job.

Other than that mystmarimatt, welcome to the horde.

We're in the process of taking over California. After that we're pulling up stakes and heading up to take over Canada. Try to get around and meet everyone, that way you'll know all there names and they won't try and kill you.

Troublebot the chubby
Kahn
Troublebot Horde

Hi, new folks. Glad you didn't meet me while I was drunk; I might not have remembered then.

Uh, it's a good idea in general to catch us when we're not drinking. I don't think it happens that often.

not drinking- what is this thing you speak of- did you not hear the shamans warning of what happens if your blood is deprived of its precious alcohol content?

I, analog the bank teller, have been adding together some numbers and have some good news and some bad news.

The good news is, my orbs of manhood swell and tingle at the number I see before me, for it is large, indeed!

The bad news is, it could be much higher if- and i won't name any names here- SOMEONE would stop peeing on everything they come across just to "mark it". I understand you are mighty, and it is indeed yours to dirty in any manner you see fit... but we cant sell or trade things drenched in horde-urine... and keeping them around isn't practical because the stench is too great- greater than the stench of many of our finest warriors.

Oh, and I ran into Elisha Cuthbert on the way back to my tent. You know her, she was on 24 and some movies. My orbs swelled mightily at the sight of her, and now she is my wench. I taste of her sweetness as I please, and she brings beer in large quantities at my call. Who will have a drink with me, to celebrate my new conquest??

I think I'll scout ahead and be welcomed as a deserted human, only to to organize the towns for a better pillage, all while I can sit on my lazy ass and eat all their food. Could you use me? ;)

I do better than that.

I'll get you the 'tequila man', plus tha bar, from 'that corner over there'...

O Pungently Reek-Ridden Chubster, Leader of the Stinking Troublebot Horde, I have bad, really bad and horrible news.

First, rumor has it in the scientific community that the ‘Big One’ is about to hit California. I killed a few weakly scientists, but they still seem to maintain their position, therefore I take them at their word. We should probably start gathering all the good stuff and head for the other side of the San Andreas Fault.

Secondly, Amnesty International has petitioned the United Nations for Military Action against the Horde. They claim the Horde has been taking people against their will, falsely imprisoning them and doing things to them that are not even mentioned in the Geneva Convention. (Apparently no one was as creative as we are.) This should not worry us too much though as it take forever for the UN to do anything.

Lastly and worst of all Stinky Big-Boy Boss of the Horde, sources have revealed to me that there is a traitor in our midst. Someone has been siphoning off money to PETA and letting some of our captives go free (and not charging them for it). I believe this person has been videotaping out exploits and sending them to whiney groups that support freedom and other such ilk-ridden garbage. This person also has been plotting with foreign militaries to overthrow and kill YOU O Stinky One in Charge.

We must rise to these challenges and smite the traitor in our ranks.

I have a feeling that the traitor is:

Wait. Someone come and put on my blindfold, and give me the Bottle of Deduction.

*wears blindfold, takes swig from Bottle of Deduction, spins around with finger pointing, removes blindfold and gasps*

Averett!!! Was it- whoa, I gotta sit down. *collapses and bjorks*

We don't care what any Genevans think or what they talk about at their silly conventions. Why should we worry about them oh great Kahn. I shall smite them, really, I shall.

People Eating Tasty Animals are all on my list for instant anni, annhi, anikyu, ahiiilinat, crap, death. If we aren't supposed to eat them then why are they made of meat? Why do Poodles come in sandwich, dinner, and banquet size??? Let them explain that as I twist their little veggie filled bodies till they pop like oatmeal filled ticks.

I think that traitors should be drawn, quartered, broken on the wheel, burned alive, hung, stretched on the rack, whipped, beaten, crushed, drownded, and made to kiss Madonna full on the lips. I know that last part is extremely harsh but we must make an example for the others.

Argh! Snarf, snarf, kill, maim, burn, kill, kill, kill, AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!

thrae, it couldn't have been averett; she was with me the whole time helping to chose background tunes for our foray into the great northern wilderness...

methinks it was midlandmadman in disguise; he was spying for stevie yzerman earlier and could easily have obtained data for our other enemies...

Traitor? Whoever it is, if they come forward now I'll make their death quick and painless. If I am forced to find you, your fate will not be so kind. You will beg for death hours before it comes.

Horde, we will collect our booty and retreat from this shaky Californian ground. Ride for the Niagra Falls my Horde! It is time we took Canada!

No Sugar Tonight / New Mother Nature
The Guess Who

{"No Sugar Tonight"}
Lonely feelin' deep inside
Find a corner where I can hide
Silent footsteps crowdin' me
Sudden darkness, but I can see

No sugar tonight in my coffee
No sugar tonight in my tea
No sugar to stand beside me
No sugar to run with me

Da-un-do-dow dow da-un-do-dow
Da-un-do-dow dow no no
Da-un-do-dow dow da-un-do-dow
Da-un-do-dow dow

In the silence of her mind
Quiet movements, well, I can find
Grabbin' for me with her eyes
Now I'm fallin' from her skies

No sugar tonight in my coffee
No sugar tonight in my tea
No sugar to stand beside me
No sugar to run with me

Da-un-do-dow dow da-un-do-dow
Da-un-do-dow dow un-dow-dow
Da-un-do-dow dow da-un-do-dow
Da-un-do-dow dow

{"New Mother Nature"}
Jocko says yes and I believe him
When we talk about the things I say
She hasn't got the faith or the guts to leave him
When they're standin' in each other's way
You're driven back now to places you've been to
You're wonderin' what you're gonna find
You know you've been wrong but it won't be long
Before you leave 'em all far behind

'Cause it's the new Mother Nature takin' over
It's the new splendid lady come to call
It's the new Mother Nature takin' over
She's gettin' us all
She's gettin' us all

Jocko said no when I came back last time
It's lookin' like I lost a friend
No use callin' 'cause the sky is fallin'
And I'm gettin' pretty near the end
A smoke-filled room in a corner basement
The situation must be right
A bag o' goodies and a bottle o' wine
We're gonna get it on right tonight

'Cause it's the new Mother Nature takin' over
It's the new splendid lady come to call
It's the new Mother Nature takin' over
She's gettin' us all
She's gettin' us all

{1st verse of "No Sugar Tonight" sung simultaneously with
1st verse of "New Mother Nature"}
Lonely feelin'
Jocko says yes and I believe him
Deep inside
When we talk about the things I say
Find a corner
She hasn't got the faith or the guts to leave him
Where I can hide
When they're standin' in each other's way
Silent footsteps
You're driven back now to places you've been to
Crowdin' me
You're wonderin' what you're gonna find
Sudden darkness
You know you've been wrong and it won't be long
But I can see
Before you leave 'em all far behind

'Cause it's the new Mother Nature takin' over
It's the new splendid lady come to call
It's the new Mother Nature takin' over
She's gettin' us all
She's gettin' us all

Da-un-do-dow dow da-un-do-dow
Da-un-do-dow dow no no
Da-un-do-dow dow da-un-do-dow
Da-un-do-dow dow
Da-un-do-dow dow da-un-do-dow
Da-un-do-dow dow no no
Da-un-do-dow dow da-un-do-dow
Da-un-do-dow dow
{fade}

I hereby ask, Mighty Khan, that when we take Manitoba (and Winnipeg, specifically) that we leave a lawyer and a judge alive long enough to enact my divorce from my wife.

Then we can slaughter them all. I'd rather be a divorcee than a widower. :)

yessssss onward to the frozen north with wind in our hair and titans with big breasts- er, i might have got that last part wrong- no matter- btw- what is there to pillage in canada- do they export anything other than pop stars ?

Siphoning off funds, hmmm??
Oh gloriously putrid and foul-smelling leader, I will behead this pile of pus-vomit for their pusillanimous fear of all things good for the horde. He or she has shown the depth of their honor and it is nil.
Say the word, Khan, and I will unleash my 'barrow of terror upon thy enemies.



On to another topic:
Not letting the Khan have first, second, and third dibs at Elisha Cuthbert, hmmm??
Methinks Analog got some 'splaining to do. :hmm:


p.s.

Is Mexico off?

Hey now, I'm no traitor! I am all for this cause! California and Canada must fall!

Once we take over Canada, I wish to be placed as Queen of Alberta. Alberta shall be mine!

Relax oh mighty Averett, the great Kahn does not think you are the traitor.

The fact that you ride around naked on your horse may be clouding my judgement, but still...

Oh mighty warrior Fremen!

We had a pact with the Mexican Government to not attack Mexico in return for the land known as Sonora. However, I feel that, once we have leveled Canada, we may break that pact and take Mexico anyway.

Just to mess with their minds a little.

Troublebot the Perplexing
Kahn
Troublebot Horde

Canada?......North, right?.....Way north?.....Cold?.....Somewhere north of Nebraska right?.....Cars, roads, buildings, lectricity?.....Something worth stealing?.....Eh?

Well, at least I will know the Queen of Alberta.

Buttcrust the bedraggled.

I've been told that Canada has good beer, but I don't like beer. I don't think they produce good tequila, but I do think they have quantities of it stored up. That's about the only thing of theirs that I can imagine taking.

Canada has a lot of land for which I could ride my horse bareback and naked. That's all I'm after, really.

Canadian Railroad Trilogy
Gordon Lightfoot

There was a time in this fair land when the railroad did not run
When the wild majestic mountains stood alone against the sun
Long before the white man and long before the wheel
When the green dark forest was too silent to be real
But time has no beginnings and hist’ry has no bounds
As to this verdant country they came from all around
They sailed upon her waterways and they walked the forests tall
And they built the mines the mills and the factories for the good of us all

And when the young man’s fancy was turnin’ to the spring
The railroad men grew restless for to hear the hammers ring
Their minds were overflowing with the visions of their day
And many a fortune lost and won and many a debt to pay

For they looked in the future and what did they see
They saw an iron road runnin’ from sea to the sea
Bringin’ the goods to a young growin’ land
All up through the seaports and into their hands

Look away said they across this mighty land
From the eastern shore to the western strand
Bring in the workers and bring up the rails
We gotta lay down the tracks and tear up the trails
Open ’er heart let the life blood flow
Gotta get on our way ’cause we’re movin’ too slow

Bring in the workers and bring up the rails
We’re gonna lay down the tracks and tear up the trails
Open ’er heart let the life blood flow
Gotta get on our way ’cause we’re movin’ too slow
Get on our way ’cause we’re movin’ too slow

Behind the blue rockies the sun is declinin’
The stars, they come stealin’ at the close of the day
Across the wide prairie our loved ones lie sleeping
Beyond the dark oceans in a place far away

We are the navvies who work upon the railway
Swingin’ our hammers in the bright blazin’ sun
Livin’ on stew and drinkin’ bad whiskey
Bendin’ our old backs ’til the long days are done

We are the navvies who work upon the railway
Swingin’ our hammers in the bright blazin’ sun
Layin’ down track and buildin’ the bridges
Bendin’ our old backs ’til the railroad is done

So over the mountains and over the plains
Into the muskeg and into the rain
Up the st. lawrence all the way to gaspe
Swingin’ our hammers and drawin’ our pay
Drivin’ ’em in and tyin’ ’em down
Away to the bunkhouse and into the town
A dollar a day and a place for my head
A drink to the livin’ and a toast to the dead

Oh the song of the future has been sung
All the battles have been won
O’er the mountain tops we stand
All the world at our command
We have opened up the soil
With our teardrops and our toil

For there was a time in this fair land when the railroad did not run
When the wild majestic mountains stood alone against the sun
Long before the white man and long before the wheel
When the green dark forest was too silent to be real
When the green dark forest was too silent to be real
And many are the dead men too silent to be real

Canada the land of hockey, Beer, and women who know how to keep men warm! Onward O' Mighty Horde! Just be aware that most of the men are armed with new carbon fiber sticks with curves on the end (but some still use wooden ones). Also these men are not easily knocked down! You would think they were as they are standing on 2 little strips of metal, but alas, these are sharp and tend to dig into the icy land that will be swarmed by the horde. The best part is that many are missing their teeth so they can not bite, kick and scratch yes, but no biting! Besides many are already besotten with the mead of the gods, BEER! By the way uncle phil will have much accompaniment on this journey as they seem to churn out singers left and right. I have dibs on Shania Twain, after, of course Troublebot the Terribly Tired has passed. Almost forgot, many will be the cries of anguish as our Horde rumbles through, but every cry will be followed by the Canadian National Motto, "eh!" Try to resist, it is a catchy little phrase that after you hear it 3-4 times you end up using it all the time to, eh!

Blue Rodeo
Bad Timing


Hey it's me what a big surprise
Calling you up from a restaurant
Around the bend
I just got in from way up North
I'm aching tired now
And I could use a friend
I might be a fool
To think that you do
Want to see me again

It's been awhile since I talked to you
Nothing wrong
Just nothing ever goes as planned
Many times I thought I'd call
I didn't have your number in my hand
I know it's true
You'd never do
The same thing to me

I never meant to make you cry
And though I know I shouldn't call
It just reminds us of the cost
Of everything we've lost
Bad timing that's all

Maybe soon there'll come a day
When no more tears will fall
If we each forgive a little bit
And we both look back on it
As just bad timing that's all

We used to have so many plans
Something always seemed to turn out wrong
I never could catch up to you
Moving on and doing what you've done
I don't know why
The harder I try
The harder it comes

I never meant to make you cry
And though I know I shouldn't call
It just reminds us of the cost
Of everything we've lost
Bad timing that's all

Maybe soon there'll come a day
When no more tears will fall
If we each forgive a little bit
When we both look back on it
Just bad timing that's all

Praise Troublebot, Lord of Stench and Kahn of the horde! Many thousands of apologies to you sir for my ignorance. Please allow me to humbly offer amends, as you are truly FAR mightier than I, and I am but a simple man... miss Cuthbert shall await you, freshly washed and shaved at your beconing.

Mighty Analog,

Have no fear my Horde brother. Miss Spears has turned out to be more than a handful. Even if I wanted Miss Cuthbert, I fear my loins could not take it.

I'm going to lie down now. Someone wake me when we get to Canada.

I am not familiar with this vast cold land known as Canada, but as long as it has flesh to rupture and blood to flow, I will follow suit.

Onwards!

Oh, and if you, my mighty leader, might need a UK correspondent, I am more than willing to offer my services to you, oh bearer of carnage, pervader of perverse pillaging...

*Bows deeply and skeets off into the drinking and mirth*

My lord, what became of Britney, my gift to you? Was her 'essence' not sweet enough? Fear not, for I will make amends and put upon your platter whoever you request..

This sure seems like a long trip. Which way are we going? Are we going to o'ertake any lands along the way? Where's Waldo? Where in the world is Carmen San Diego? Who's got my drink? Are we there yet? Can I go potty?

I vote we play travel Scrabble! I want an X and a Z!

Scrabble? By Hades, what is wrong with you? Begone from my sight before I behead you!

Here we are at Niagra Falls my horde. Prepare yourselves for battle. I want Averett to be able to ride around here naked by the end of the day.

Go my horde, go!

(Fremen the Forlorn shuffles and mumbles to the back of the horde where the extra horses are located) ("Damn me and my love of board games!") *manly barbaric sniff*

Can we set camp over there for the night? I see lights by yonder trees and hear the sound of feminine youth ringing across the countryside...and I smell the familiar odour of neat Rum and Ale. We could replenish our stocks and swell our orbs before we head into bloody combat...

Good idea Pyrate.

Tomorrow we battle.

Tonight, maybe some Scrabble. But Horde Scrabble where we cut off your finger if you use a word that's not in the dictionary.

Some fell beast seems to have gnawed upon the handle of my axe! What evil place is this? Verily something, or many somethings, shall die for this affront.

Of course I will have to repair my axe. I suppose that first I shall avail my self of the ale and women folk that Pyrate speaks of. It's cold and feels like a three woman night at least.

Yay! I can't wait :)

Hurry up! I'm riding a wave of undirected anger, but I can't keep it up for long. I need fuel! I need slaughter!

Hmm I like the sound of that scrabble rule my Lord...I might lose a coupla fingers myself, give some of those doomed humans a wee chance of escape before I slaughter them...

But before Scrabble, I have some quarry to prey upon...

*Grins mischievously then lumbers off towards a group of innocent looking virgin girls, huddled terrified in a dingy shadowy corner*

Heh, I think I'll keep those fingers I mentioned before...

Ahahahahahaaaaaa!