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I'm just trying to gain your national treasures :) |
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Hey, stay away from my beer, averett.
Actually, we'll pay you to take Quebec ;> |
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I always enjoyed Rush. |
If we're talking canadien singers I put claim to Shania Twain!
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(background music just in case...)
{Spoken} There's a province up in Canada that's right next door to ours. It's called Saskatchewan. And, uh, in that province there's a small town, uh, where nothing much ever happens, called Saskatoon. This is a tune about that town. This is called "Runnin' Back To Saskatoon". ------ harmonica ------ I been hangin' around gas stations I been learnin' 'bout tires I been talkin' to grease monkeys I been workin' on cars Moose Jaw saw a few, Moosomin too Runnin' back to Saskatoon Red Deer, Terrace and a Medicine Hat Sing another prairie tune Sing another prairie tune I been hangin' around libraries I been learnin' 'bout books I been talkin' to playwriters I been workin' on words, phrases Moose Jaw saw a few, Moosomin too Runnin' back to Saskatoon Red Deer, Terrace and a Medicine Hat Sing another prairie tune Sing another prairie tune I been hangin' around hospitals I been learnin' 'bout dyin' I been talkin' to heart doctors I been workin' on disease Moose Jaw saw a few, Moosomin too Runnin' back to Saskatoon Red Deer, Terrace and a Medicine Hat Sing another prairie tune Sing another prairie tune This tune is home grown Don't come from Hong Kong This tune is home grown Don't come from Hong Kong I been hangin' around grain elevators I been learnin' 'bout food I been talkin' to soil farmers I been workin' on land Moose Jaw saw a few, Moosomin too Runnin' back to Saskatoon Red Deer, Terrace and a Medicine Hat Sing another prairie tune Sing another prairie tune I been hangin' around camera stores I been learnin' 'bout sight I been talkin' to film makers I been workin' on eyes Moose Jaw saw a few, Moosomin too Runnin' back to Saskatoon Red Deer, Terrace and a Medicine Hat Sing another prairie tune Sing another prairie tune This tune is home grown Don't come from Hong Kong This tune is home grown Don't come from Hong Kong |
I will be Kerrek, THE MOST FEARED BANK TELLER IN ALL THE LAND!! *stomps* I will rule with an IRON FIST! My change-giving shall be MIGHTY, and I WILL ADD A 15% GRATUITY TO ALL CARDS LEFT OVERNIGHT!! HA HA HA HAAAAAAAA!!!!
Kahn of the Horde, you are mighty and wise, indeed! The Horde need not a spy, as we will pillage whom we please and need not know of them beforehand. |
Indeed, a banker would be useful to our cause.
As our loot grows, we will need someone quick of mind to manage and invest our bounty. |
I am Fire the everburning, weapons dealer and wandering adventurer- I declare my desire to join this horde and bring with me a fine arsenal and burning hatred for the frenchies of quebec- let us invade them and spill their blood like water
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And I, Pyrate the Port Pillager, bring with me boundless experience of the eight seas (yes, there are eight of them-one where London used to be...) and a lust for carnage and carnal corruption. Enlist me, and you will enjoy the wonders and treasures of the oceans, hencetoforth belonging to me, but for you, mighty Leader of Pillagers, I will abdicate my mighty throne and serve under you.
Take me, and you take with you boundless knowledge of the seas and influence as vast as the skies above...And as a token of my allegiance to you, I give you the Pacific, and all the men and soldiers who control it. A small gift for a great man. |
Wow. Our numbers grow so large that I cannot count them, not even using my feet! Hopefully analog can keep our accounts for us, much like Price Waterhouse. If we take over the Oscars, he can even do the vote-tallying for them! :D
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Ah! As another great man once said, "I love it when a plan comes together."
Welcome to our new members. We are currently invading California. I was actually surprised not to see some of our more "active" members at the Emmy's last night. Perhaps they felt the gala was beneath them, perhaps they stayed away out of respect to John Ritter, I have no idea. After California, I believe we're set our sights on Canada. No ones gotten back to be on what we're doing with progressive rock band Rush when we get them though. |
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Fucking "trees" song. I hate that crap. If I wanted to listen to a damned Chipmunks album, I'd have someone record the song, then speed it up like Nature intended. *starts waving blades around recklessly (again)* |
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As for Rush, I nominate they be kept as the official court entertainers. |
I was in mourning for Johnny Cash during the Emmys, and Kim Cattrall has once again snubbed my offer as her escort to the festivities.
(Hmmmmm, possibly she could be "borrowed" during the confusion of the hordes advance). Sorry, private moment there. I feel the need for havoc and destruction. The San Francisco Starbucks shall rue my arrival. Free coffee and coffee derivatives for all the horde. Keep the bean counters clear and ignore any "notes" that might appear on the backside of my loin cloth. Harm not a single cable car or feel my wrath for they are holy to me!!! Consider yourselves warned. |
(since we're still in california...)
CALIFORNIA EARTHQUAKE Mama Cass Elliott I heard they exploded, The underground blast, What they say's gonna happen, Gonna happen at last, That's the way it appears. They tell me the fault line runs right through here, So that may be, That may be, What's gonna happen gonna happen to me, That's the way it appears. They tell me the fault line runs right through here. Atlantis will rise, Sunset Boulevard will fall, Where the beach used to be, Won't be nothing at all, That's the way it appears. They tell me the fault line runs right through here So that may be, That may be, What's gonna happen gonna happen to me, That's the way it appears. They tell me the fault line runs right through here. |
O Greatly Soiled Chief of the Lice-Infested Stinking Horde, I bring bad tidings from the California Front. Apparently certain actors in Hollywood have been speaking out against our beloved Stinking Horde. Charlie Sheen is leading them and rumor has it that they think they actually wield power over the masses and people listen to what they say. They seem to be in their own reality and seem somehow disconnected from real life. Because of this, our weapons have little effect on them. When we whack off their heads, it has little effect on their intelligence. This has emboldened them to the point of making a made for TV movie about The Horde that will cast a negative light upon our exploits. The worst thing, O Leader of the Stinking Horde, is they insult you by casting Richard Simmons as you, Rupaul as Thraeryn, Wilfred Bremly as RockOgre , Rosie O’Donnell as Averett, a small ferret will play Uncle Phil, Wil Wheaton as ME and they will CGI everyone else as an Orc Wannabe rip off from Lord of the Rings. They plan on editing out the stinking, pillaging, killing, maiming, unwanted sexual advances and transform the Horde into a group of wandering Americore College Drop-outs trying to steal beer. They also plan on making a political statement against the California Recall Election by adding a gay love triangle with Our Glorious Leader Troublebot, Bones and The Ferret (Uncle Phil).
I was so angered by this information that I killed the messengers and ate them with nice Chianti. We cannot stand for this. We must make haste to Hollywood to stop production of this farce. What say thee O Glorious Leader? What say thee O Stinking Horde? (And I don't think Bones will have a favorable opinion of this development either.) |
Rosie O'Donnell? Okay, now I'm pissed. These Californian bastards must pay!
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RuPaul is kinda hot, but I'm still not happy about being portrayed by him/her. Why couldn't they have gotten Scott Thompson to play me like his "Buddy" character?
Anyway, expect there to be flash blood warnings all along the coast. |
(i'll fix those evil, peta-loving scum...)
A SHELTER FERRET’S LOVE Based on “Higher Love” by Steve Winwood (The human) I think about it, I must have ferret love, Since my sweet Bandit crossed to the Bridge above. Without him, my life is wasted time, A Bandit-sized hole in this heart of mine. I feel lonely everywhere; In this whole world, that’s not fair! Before one more day has gone by, Gonna find a shelter guy! Bring me some ferret love! Bring me some ferret love! Bring me some ferret love! Where's that ferret love I keep thinking of? (The Shelter ferret) Worlds are turning and I’m just hanging on, Facing my fear that I’ll always be alone. A yearning, what I want to see Is that some human comes and adopts me. Homeless ferrets everywhere; In this whole world, that’s not fair! My Shelter Mom is good to me, But a forever home – will it ever be? Bring me a human’s love! Bring me a human’s love! Bring me a human’s love! Where's that human love I keep thinking of? Bring me a human’s love! Bring me a human’s love! Bring me a human’s love! I would give so much for some human love! At the shelter now, I try and find a pal. Will that human there choose me? Is he the one for me? “That’s him… That one there…” Our hearts connect the first time that we meet. Both of us together – it’s meant to be! I gladly pay the shelter’s fee. Now you’re gonna come home with me!! I’ve got my ferret love!! I’ve got my ferret love!! I’ve got my ferret love!! It’s that ferret love I kept thinking of!!! I’ve got a human’s love!! I’ve got a human’s love!! I’ve got a human’s love!! I will dance and look for my new human’s love!!! |
Keep the hits comin', uncle phil. ;)
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AYE! we must make them pay! pay and taste the meaning of the word californication! onward Hordesmen to that weird ass looking chinese theatre- we shall take their last castle and fly from it our flags stitched from actor skin. and after we have despoiled it we can expand to the rest of L.A. and begin the grand pillaging (and get great seats for ROTK)
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Yes, we must make haste to that area of smog known as HOLLYWOOD. When we are done we will make a new sign on the hill made with the bodies of thse who protested our coming. We will tear down the Hollywod sign and make it say HORDEWOOD. I can see it now, then when we are done there we continue on to Mexico, where the women are hot and the beer is cold, or is that the other way around. I was still day dreaming of Canadian singers (Shania Twain dreams are the best....)!
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An Orc wanabe.......... Why that Charlie Sheen..I will rip off his arm and shove it so far up his ass that he'll taste his own fingers from the inside out. Then I'll plunder his wife over and over again until she calls me Charlie! |
hey, are we through pillaging california yet?
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Burn Hollywood to the ground. I want nothing standing more than a foot high when I get there. |
WILFERD BRIMLEY MUST DIE!!!
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Would you like me to float Atlantis? It makes a good stealth spot, and noone but me knows its exact location. It is my home whenever I'm cruising in the Atlantic area. Your men can use it for leisure whenever they wish, preferably with each soldier holding a kicking and screaming village maiden over their shoulders...
Oh, and I'll take the 'spell' off of Bermuda's waters...feel free to have a look without fear of vanishing. |
Oh, and I found this while terrorising the natives of Santa Barbara...
*Tosses Britney Spears to the feet of Kahn.* Can I have her when you're done? *Gives a quick shallow bow and rushes back to his LandCruiser to continue the destruction* |
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Bwahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha! I'll be in my tent with Miss Spears. Troublebot the Piggy Kahn Troublebot Horde |
BRING ME THE HEAD OF WILFRED BRIMLEY!
Charlie Sheen shall also feel the wrath of my axe. Britney Spears? I seek REAL women, all bubblegummers will be immediately turned in at the Kahn's tent. If anyone comes across Salma Hayek I will pay handsomely. |
Ah, but you might as well 'play' with her while she dies slowly...double whammy.
And my Lord, don't worry about me...I'll be satisfied with her leg or scalp or something... |
If anyone finds Joel Schmacher, bring him to me.
I have much to "discuss" with him about the handling of the Batman francise. I may give him to Buttcrust to play with. |
yes- Schmacher must pay- pay with his blood and orbs of manhood- for verily and forsooth none of us needed to see plastic bat nipples- yea he must feel the gentle carress of hot tongs and the agony of a singer handystitch on his various nubly bits..... Let us get on with the despoiling oh Kahn- for I long to add shatner's toupee to my collection of has been scalps....
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I think I'm most upset with him for turning the batcave into a neon-encrusted vegas casino. Who the hell's gonna see it? Alfred?
I think we'll bring back drawing and quartering for Mr. Schumacher. Then, we'll attach his head to a pole for all to see as we ride down on their villages. |
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If we find anything like that in our plundering, I want it. |
*Walks in sulking, cursing his bad luck at losing track of Mariah Carey in the midst of SoCal, thanks to Thaeryn's reckless charge through a crowd of moms and kids...*
Goddamn it, I just saw Conan out there...seems as though he's setting up his own little 'horde'. I say crush him. Now. Not because he's a formidable warrior, no, not because he is superhuman, but simply because he's trying to make our lifestyle 'fashionable'. Try to be a little more 'restrained' in your pillaging next time Thaeryn...you've just cost this Pyrate the catch of his life! Humph |
Just took a walk down Rodeo drive.
Sigh. I remember when this horde was just a few of us, causeing trouble on this little street. Buttcrust roasting affluent women's tiny pet poodles. Jeez, even a Kahn can get misty eyed now and then. |
Mmmmmmmm, Poodle chili! Any one needs me I'll be hunting up on Nob Hill.
Ahhhhh Rack of Poodle Poodle Flambau Poodle a la Orange Filet of Poodle Poodle Stroganoff Poodle and Kitten stew, (With bisquits) Poodle and dumplings Poodle tartare Poodle in a blanket Mushroom smothered Poodle And for desert, Mime brain pudding. Who's up for some mime hunting? They are pretty easy to catch once the get caught in one of those invisible boxes. That, and they are always creeping up on you, just spin around and BLAMMO! One less mime. |
Reminds me of "Rollin' Down Rodeo" by Rage Against The Machine.
Do you think they had a fledgling horde before we did? :p If so, I imagine that the folks of Rodeo Drive were used to pillaging before we came along. That's not nearly as fun. I'll try to watch my pillaging next time. Just feed me lots of tequila before the battle and I won't move quite so quickly. |
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