I have powdered my orbs of manhood, very refreshing, and sharpened the old battle axe. I go to Mexico to seek the amber delight of Corona, (and limes).

Oh, and I bring sunblock for those of you that might not have thunk ahead.

I hope that the pillaging is better than in Redmond. I have several cappachunio machines, a used Volvo, a pack of ink jet paper, an Atari 2600 game console, several ladies thongs, (used), a rack for cooking bacon in the microwave, and some fancy, fussy, cooking utensils.

Bah! Let us kill something and burn something!

Buttcrust! You have an Atari 2600?!?!?

Someone's been holding out on the booty.

The Kahn is not pleased.

TEQUILA SHEILA


CHORUS:
Pour me another tequila, Sheila.
Take off that red satin dress.
'Cause I crossed the border,
And I beat the dealer for all of that gold in Juarez.
I feel just like ol' Pancho Villa, Sheila,
And I've got the pesos to spend,
So pour me another tequila, Sheila.
And lay down and love me again.

No I can't tell you about it.
Don't mind the gun by my bed,
But I feel kind'a naked without it,
And it eases the fears in my head.
I never have trusted in woman,
But Sheila I trust you tonight.
So pass me the salt and a lemon,
Bend down and blow out the light.

CHORUS

Sheila I'm hearin' your heartbeat,
But I'm hearing footsteps outside.
The courtyard is crawlin' with them Federales
And Sheila, there's no place to hide,
Now I don't know who could have tipped 'em,
Nobody knew it but you,
But I never have trusted the women,
Sheila here's what I'm going to do. Yeah!

CHORUS

Pour me another tequila,
I'm goin' ta put on your red satin dress
You put on my clothes,
And you go out and face the dealer.
And Sheila I wish you the best.
I never trusted in women,
Sheila I trusted you tonight.
So pour me another tequila Sheila,
And I'll run for the border again.

Yeah! Pour me another tequilla, Sheila,
As I ride for the border tonight.

I had an atari growing up!

he horde must indeed have a great reputation if a country is throwing us a pre-pillage party.

the Thraeryn is correct sonora will make an excellent base of operations for plundering the whole country.

will we be annexing mexico or should i bring a passport to get back home when we're done.

I say as we thunder down the coast, we stop in a few places. San Francisco for one. Much plunder to be found in the Bay Area, we can even have crab by the bay. Also just south of there, is a place called silicone, or silicon valley. Personally I hope it is the first. Filled with wenches and lusty lasses with those silicone implants. If it is the other there should be much high tech booty to plunder. Then I would like to stop and wipe out the armpit of California.............Bakersfield. Well, just because we can.

I think that's an excellent idea, Hard8s. A field of bakers is an excellent thing for a growing Horde to have, be they in an armpit or not.

I agree with Hard8s. Let us cut a swath of destruction the likes of which California has never seen.

Is it too late to get on the ballot for governor?

Vote Kahn Troublebot!

My apologies, may the accursed thing light your tent at night with its hypnotizing flickering images of evil. It is in the trunk of the Volvo along with all of the other treasures. It's parked behind your tent.

I am leaning more and more in the direction of pillage Home Depot or Sears. I could use a good metric socket set and a laser level. This Yuppie crap is useless.

Possibly I could find a woman in the tool section that knows the difference between a worm drive circular saw and a hydraulic rivet gun.

Defileing yuppie women is like eating soup with a fork. The movements are the same but the satisfaction is less.

Slaughter awaits southward!

Buttcrust the befuddled

I want to be a horde member too.

I'll be known as Dano, the Manic-Depressive Murderer of the Tundra!

I say we hit all of the rich suburbs of Chicago. Then we can make a river raid on the Magnificent Mile in Chicago!

O One on High that reeks of Flatulence, Big Boss of the Stinking Horde, I conveyed your acceptance of the offer to the ambassador from Mexico. He Smiled nervously and said the Fiesta will begin Friday. I asked the ambassador why he was so fidgety (because after all, I do bathe) and he said that as the people are leaving Sonora Province, they are releasing all the prisoners from prisons and jails. I told him not to worry as I thought they would probably make excellent additions to our Stinking Horde. We are welcome to walk over the border at any time...Sonora is ours O Filthy of Filthiest.

On a more sour note...

Apparently word of the pending attack in California has leaked out and the San Francisco City Council has passed a resolution protesting that our Horde does not have enough Minority representation. (Even with our new former-Mexican brothers). It appears that they are refusing to be pillaged until we have greater diversity. (More women and such...)

BAH! The San Fransisco City Council will be the first to go! Their deaths will be slow and painful.

Buttcrust, many thanks for the Atari 2600! I will spend my spare time in thoughtful contemplation and attampting to defeat the tiny dots in Missile Command. May the seed of your loin be fruitful in the belly of your woman.

Let us gather our Mexican brothers and set off for California! Where does Jesse James live? I want a motor bike!

SAN FRANCISCO??? What happened to sunny Mexico? Has the Atari 2600 already worked some evil on your mind? Alas, I thought it might be under a curse of some sort.

San Francisco is beyond help from mere mortals. It is one of my favorite villages but it is as a rudderless ship, doomed to sail in mindless circles. No one at the wheel with the wit to steer even a wandering course.

I cannot partake in this slaughter as I only kill adults, to kill the city council would be like the slaughter of imbeciles, or mewling kittens.

By the way, the seed of my loins has been fruitful in the belly of my woman one time more than was planned.

I was drugged, taken to the vet, and my orbs of manhood rendered null of fruitfull seed.

Beware women bearing drugs!

Buttcrust the Barren

mighty buttcrust what's up with the sudden bout of morals and ethics.

i say we are a horde we mush crush everything in our path and incur maximum devastation on all who attempt to resist.

I can't believe we're having an ethics discussion.

What has this Horde come too?

I, martinitime the alchemist, mixer of drinks, would like to join the Horde.
I want to take all of the vineyards in California from the washed up Hollywood types and turn them into a cash cow for the Horde.

I'll be needing a bank teller as an assitant.

My apologies but even I have standards. This "city council" would be beneath even my low standards. Ethics be damned. I will not have my axe tainted by such low born curs.

I must have foes worthy of my blade.

Fear not, Mighty Buttcrust. We will find foes that will prove your already proven mettle.

Perhaps we can place an ad.

Welcome martinitime the alchemist! This horde needs a bartender. Someone get that man a bank teller.

Thank you Kahn Troublebot, I feel right at home.

Is that up or on the rocks?

i would like to volunteer for the position of barback. no one washes stemware like the damp & dangerous!

now i am beyond belief.....

Agreed damp and dangerous, the learning curve is steep, but if you drink fast, it levels off quickly.

I have no such resolutions about the city council. My flail can not be tarnished more then it already has been by the blood of the Micro Softies....

On a dark desert highway
Cool wind in my hair
Warm smell of colitas
Rising up through the air
Up ahead in the distance
I saw a shimmering light
My head grew heavy, and my sight grew dim
I had to stop for the night
There she stood in the doorway
I heard the mission bell
And I was thinking to myself
This could be Heaven or this could be Hell
Then she lit up a candle
And she showed me the way
There were voices down the corridor
I thought I heard them say

Welcome to the Hotel California
Such a lovely place
Such a lovely place (background)
Such a lovely face
Plenty of room at the Hotel California
Any time of year
Any time of year (background)
You can find it here
You can find it here

Her mind is Tiffany twisted
She's got the Mercedes bends
She's got a lot of pretty, pretty boys
That she calls friends
How they dance in the courtyard
Sweet summer sweat
Some dance to remember
Some dance to forget
So I called up the Captain
Please bring me my wine
He said
We haven't had that spirit here since 1969
And still those voices are calling from far away
Wake you up in the middle of the night
Just to hear them say

Welcome to the Hotel California
Such a lovely Place
Such a lovely Place (background)
Such a lovely face
They're livin' it up at the Hotel California
What a nice surprise
What a nice surprise (background)
Bring your alibies

Mirrors on the ceiling
Pink champagne on ice
And she said
We are all just prisoners here
Of our own device
And in the master's chambers
They gathered for the feast
They stab it with their steely knives
But they just can't kill the beast
Last thing I remember
I was running for the door
I had to find the passage back to the place I was before
Relax said the nightman
We are programed to recieve
You can check out any time you like
But you can never leave

I think the answer lies in his mute'd muttering
Sounds like he needs some steroids as he is lacking in the testosterone category now. A little Vitamin T (tequila) from Mexico will do him well.

As far as I know the election has been postponed due to a stinky Horde running rampant through the countryside. They are waiting to see what is left before redistricting again. Kind of hard to vote when everyone is being pillaged, eh!

When all is said and pillaged I vote TROUBLEBOT. At least we know where his loyalties lie!!!

I dimpled my ballot.... What do I do now?

I second Bones suggestion.... I am a member of both, and would prefer to see them both prosper. Plus he has his sister....something our horde could use.

Bah, Bones is a Hockey Hater. The Horde needs nothing with him. Besides he used to say it all the time "you can never trust a monkey"

"Take your stinking paws off me, you damn dirty ape" - Charleton Heston

Here, my Khan. Maps for the geographically challenged.

The state of California:
>>>http://www.cftech.com/BrainBank/GEOG...California.jpg<<<

One of the state of Sonora:
>>>http://www.virtualmex.com/sonora_sct.jpg<<<

And one of Mexico:
>>>http://www.virtualmex.com/map-mex.gif<<<

If any fellow hordesmen can find more detailed maps of Mexico and Sonora, I will give you one of my more comely slaves if you would post them.
After the Khan is through with her, of course. ;)

(more background music for the Horde...)

Well, I’m going out west where I belong
Where the days are short and the nights are long
Where they walk and I’ll walk
They twist and I’ll twist
They shimmy and I’ll shimmy
They fly and I’ll fly
Well they’re out there having fun
In that warm California sun.

Well, I’m going out west out on the coast
Where the California girls are really the most
Where they walk and I’ll walk
They twist and I’ll twist
They shimmy and I’ll shimmy
They fly and I’ll fly
Well they’re out there having fun
In that warm California sun.

Well the girls are frisky in old ‘Frisco
A pretty little chick wherever you go
A-a-and they’ll walk and I’ll walk
They’ll twist and I’ll twist
They’ll shimmy and I’ll shimmy
They’ll fly and I’ll fly
Well they’re out there having fun
In that warm California sun

Yeah they’re out there having fun
In that warm California sun

You know, Khan, I wonder if Arnold would join our Horde after he becomes governor. We could rampage with impunity!!!

I do still need that tequila tithe. I have a Bucket O' Margaritas in the cupboard of my tent that is sitting unused. Such an injustice must not be permitted! *starts waving his blades around*

After California and Mexico have fallen, I suggest that we move onward to Texas. It's nice country, but entirely too full of Republicans. It should be full of dead Republicans! :D

Oh, I must be a part of this horde!

I shall be Averett, Lady of the Horde. Much like Helene of Troy, I am most beautiful. But I am vicious. I am a great fighter.

I say we invade Canada. Its a lovely land, and it should be ours!

Now, wheres my horse? I long to ride bareback naked, with my long hair flowing, and my large breasts bouncing.

Replace Republicans with Politicians, and I would agree. We should be an equal opportunity Horde. All politicians are the source of evil in a happy world. (Some are just more evil than others.)

and...

Neigh!

Bones,

You know your army is always welcome with my horde. An alliance would truly benefit us both.

We're planning on taking California. How about a two-pronged attack? My horde will be coming from the south and, deferring to Buttcrust, we'll let you and your army have San Fransisco.

Yours in Warfare,
Troublebot the blistered
Kahn,
Troublebot Horde

Helllloooo Averett!

Why don't you step into my tent and we can discuss "battle strategy"?

I am asking for a small division of the Hordre to come with me to track down a few members of the Earth Liberation Front in California. We should run them Over with Large SUVs!

They must be crushed.

(still more background music for the horde, dedicated to our new female member, Averett...)

Along the sand,
Let's walk the shore together, now, just hand in hand.
It's gonna be fair weather, now,
When the stars come out, stop to count them in the sky.

Love California nights,
When I'm walkin' with you hand in hand by the shore,
Yes, I love California nights,
At the beach where we'd swim with the tide rolling in.

And there will be beneath the midnight sky above
Just you and me, and we will whisper words of love
While the fire light softly flickers in the sand.

Warm California nights,
With the breeze blowin' in - time for love to begin.
I would miss California nights if I went on my way,
Thinkin' now that I'll stay.

Ooh, baby,
Love you, baby,
Mm, baby.

Love California nights,
Always close as a kiss, nothing's sweeter than this,
And we'll spend California nights,
Always close as a kiss...

(Fade Out)

ALL RIGHT! Who put the "Kick Me" note on the back of my loin cloth?

Come on, fess up, no one needs to die over this just as long as the guilty party fesses up!

I promise that no one will die, just a little excruitiating pain, some stark terror, and it's over.

Buttcrust the Baffled











I'm waiting!

'twas not i, oh encrusted one...

Me neither, I'm not that stupid.

Could be someone over there though...

*Points in the general direction of Thraeryn.

go ahead.....just don't fuck with our maple syrup....oh and.....leave our goddamn beavers alone too.

and don't even think about stealin' our beer either.