All orbs of manhood are in danger if i don't get restitution.

yoink!

A thousand pardons to Eweser the Short-Tempered! When you said "companion" to Buttcrust, my tiny mind only led me in one direction. You probably can't see through all the dirt, but I've turn many shades of red.

It is my hope that you'll feel no need to take further action against my neck or Buttcrust's orbs of manhood.

I may be mighty, but I'm no fool. My apologies.

I'll let it go this time, but watch yourself in the future. And that goes for all in this great and mighty Horde

I see that the great Kahn is both merciful and diplomatic.

My orbs were sweating there for a while what with being within a moments reach of Eweser the short tempered.

It is unfortunate that I did not recognize the flag of Mac as I trampled it under my heel. Possibly their defiled women will recover soon. Maybe there could be a little more information before the next raid so that I could avoid further embarassment.

It's hard to keep up while being berserk without study beforehand.

The existence of the small tribe of Mac had completly escaped my notice. I thought that they were extinct, wiped out during the great Wintel wars. Pretty scrappy bunch. I think one of them scratched me.

Does this look infected?

*screams and starts charing at Eweser, then calms down a bit, looking around him*

. . . oh. How long has the battle been over? Did I . . . um.
Did I try to sleep with any of the cars?
*cough*

Impressive work my horde. Need to work on some fundementals though.

Buttcrust, next time I make a treaty with someone, could you at least try not to kill them all? Get yourself to the aid tent, that scratch looks like it needs some iodine.

And I won't mention any names, but someone seems to have had a intimate moment with that Ford Taurus over there... let's try and be a little less lusty in the future, shall we?

Tinfoil the Unholy and Pheatius the Anal Retentive, excellent work. You may both have your pick of the lusty bank tellers... once I'm through. Bwahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!

What? I need some help with my IRA.

I'll be in my tent. Start figuring out where this horde should go next.

Hey, she said she was 20! You should've seen the headlight bra she was wearing! Look at her spoiler! She was askin' for it!

I think we should o'ertake Mexico next. They have tequila.

Hail, good sirs.

I am willing to join this mighty horde of stench and evil myself and herefore apply for a position of the janitor. Armed with a masterpiece broomstick that i carved myself out of a bigger broomstick, i'm ready to whipe up any competition and/or feeble resistance.
Your welcome into this fine disorganization will not be unnoticed.


Sir Stinkynutz, The Brave

O smelliest of the stench-ridden ones. I went to give response to the Mac tribe, but alas, Thraeryn must have showed up after Buttcrust and killed the women left behind except for one woman left barely breathing underneath the pile of bleeding corpses. She was beautiful, even in her injury, so I cleaned hear up and brought her to camp for your inspection. She is very spirited and a sight to behold, says her name is Jolene.

PS - Buttcrust, I had made arrangement for a glorious Viking funeral had the negotiations for your orbs not gone well.

I think I'm starting to get a bad reputation around this Horde. Just to clear things up:

*waves hand and foot claws around*
I'm not going to be havin' no bad reputation in this Horde.

Now gimme that bottle of tequila. :D

It's another tequila sunrise staring slowly 'cross the sky, said goodbye.
He was just a hired hand working on the dreams he planned to try, the days go by.
Every night when the sun goes down, just another lonely boy in town,
and she's out running 'round.

She wasn't just another woman and I couldn't keep from coming on, it's been so long.
Oh, and it's a hollow feeling when it comes down to dealing friends, it never ends.

Take another shot of courage, wonder why the right words never come, you just get numb.
It's another tequila sunrise, this old world still looks the same, another frame.

wherever you my go,whatever you shall steal,whomever you shall slay.......

i will be there to kick and yell and spit on the dying enemy.

i can be the psycho freak that is needed in this horde.......


*BURN IN THE ETERNAL DEPTHS OF HELL.......MOTHERFUCKERS.....*

Hail, I am Condom, the Trojan, and I have come to rape the women and pillage the cattle. Do not let me drink, for then I rape the cattle and pillage the women.

Mighty Horde,

I'll be gone for a few days. Sometimes a Kahn must be alone.

While I am gone, break camp and prepare to move on to the Mexican border. I have an urge for burritos.

Play nice while I'm gone.

Troublebot the Busy
Kahn,
Troublebot Horde

I will gladly join your Horde, for I have much spare time and am in need of excercise. I can supply my own weaponry, and lend someone else if they get short, um....handed. All I need is a horse, a name, and a horse with no name. On that note, I vote we pillage wherever there are stupid country singers. Just a thought.

And you know that I'm tough AND smelly for I dwell in that most horrible of places....NEW JERSEY!!! (and in Trenton, nonetheless.)

I agree...Mexico. Not only tequilla and burritos...But we all know that latin wenches live in squallor there. They will be oh so happy to see us savagly pillage and burn their semi evil husbands...

Yes to mexico!

Oh and Eweser, You can suck my big floppy orbs:crazy:

Do we have any antiseptic to use when we get sliced?
I'm not wasting good alcohol on wounds!
If I have to, I'll cauterize 'em, but we really should have a trained warrior-healer traveling with us.
What say you to that, Horde?

Antiseptic. Hell, I ain't got time to bleed! Tequilla will work from the inside out.

Next thing we know you will be wanting a band-aid.

Excuse me theguyondacouch, but if your personal hygene matches that of your brothers in arms, then not in a million years!

P.S. Looking forward to the trip to Mexico

hail dirty warriors.
i am a master of siege engines looking for employment. i will ensure that no castle walls will stop the plundering of the horde. if large catapults and trebuchets are not needed, i also have a minor in torture, and i'm proficient with the long staff and the crossbow.

Heh, a lot of us are proficient with the long staff.....uh...er..wait! :hmm:

I'm glad you came along, Binder. I was getting tired of having to scale those bank buildings, then let myself in from the roof. :P

One question, though: did you bring any of those things with you? I think we're all either too dumb, drunk, or busy ravaging the women to help build things.

Way down here you need a reason to move
Feel a fool running your stateside games
Lose your load, leave your mind behind, Baby James

Oh, Mexico
It sounds so simple I just got to go
The sun's so hot I forgot to go home
Guess I'll have to go now

"Americano" got the sleepy eye
But his body's still shaking like a live wire
Sleepy "Señorita" with the eyes on fire

Oh, Mexico
It sounds so sweet with the sun sinking low
Moon's so bright like to light up the night
Make everything all right

Baby's hungry and the money's all gone
The folks back home don't want to talk on the phone
She gets a long letter, sends back a postcard; times are hard

Oh, down in Mexico
I never really been so I don't really know
Oh, Mexico
I guess I'll have to go

Oh, Mexico
I never really been but I'd sure like to go
Oh, Mexico
I guess I'll have to go now

That makes 3 of us....You Me, and Jesse Ventura!

Can he join our horde? He kicked ass in predetor!

fear not. the seige engines will not detract from any of the pillaging, ravaging, drinking or general wonton destruction.

i used to build them by hand, but it took away time from torturing innocent villagers. now i order them on-line and have them drop shipped to where i need them. if they need to be moved i will conscript some of the locals to move them.

Hail, oh great a mighty Horde!

Czernobog, I just returned from your state, fleeing before the angry Goddess "Isabella" could smite me down. Good to have you in the Horde. You shall be Czernobog the Easy Listener (Which should teach you to quote tunes by America).

Binder the Easily Enraged, good to have you aboard. I feel we will have need of your seige engines as we move south.

Onward my mighty Horde! We now make our way to Mexico, and victory!

Troublebot the Slighty Sleepy
Kahn,
Troublebot Horde

Hail to the Troublebot Horde!!

I am analog, the spy! I can seemlessly blend myself into the surroundings of the target area, posing as a young, urban professional. I can discover the weak spots of the enemy, so that we may exploit those weaknesses for maximum pillaging, killing, and the retrieval of MORE desirable lusty wenches!!

or,

I can go back to my old job, which... basically... ok, I burned shit.

*ahem*I can do BOTH, too.*ahem*

Ooooh, analog, can you be our answer to The Poopsmith?

We've really needed one of those around here.

when shall we mount the mexican campaign?

i still am deadly, but it's been so long since i've disemboweled a heathen that i am in danger of not being damp anymore!!

-jimk the damp & deadly

Troublebot, what qualifications do you hold for
You to consider yourself a horde leader?
I not going to jump on any old horde wagon after all.

Do you not see the blood on my blade cnor?

Can you not feel the fury locked behind my eyes, waiting to be unleashed?

Behold the man that braved the onslaught of the giant fireworm and lived to tell the tale!

Behold the man that traded wits with Macelgrill the Oddly Smart for three days in a game of chess... and won!

Behold the man that bedded the lusty Sirens of Seattle and charmed them into submission!

I am lord of all I survey! My horde drinks gasoline and belches fire! I am Troublebot, Horde Kahn! Look upon my works, ye mighty, and dispair!

Any other questions?

Tell us about the Sirens of Seattle again, O Mighty Khan! *sits down crosslegged by the campfire and looks up at Troublebot excitedly*

yes, one more...Have you been drinking bong water again?

awe, screw it..I'm in...Rape the horses and ride off on the women!

The battle lust burns hot in me tonight.....When do we get to mexico?

O greatly odorous non-bathing One, Leader of The Stinking Horde, I bring news from the ambassador from Mexico. He offers you The Province of Sonora in exchange for not invading his Country. He also says he will throw a huge Fiesta for three days in our honor with all the food, drink, wenches and boy toys (have to keep Eweser happy) we could want. He said we could make Sonora Province our home and you can declare yourself Emperor (or Khan). I told him that this sounded good, but I would to check with you, El Jefe del Hedor.

What say Ye?

Hrm. Pheatius is a good negotiator. Perhaps we should take the ambassador up on his offer, then once we've established a base in Sonora, use it to take the country anyway.

Oh, and I think we should definitely demand a tithe of both tequila and virgins.

Do you see my Horde? The fear we strike in the hearts of the people before us brings us riches beyond our dreams!

Noble Pheatius, tell the ambassador that his offer pleases me and my Horde. Tell me when the fiesta begins, I will be in my tent.

Brave Thraeryn, a Kahn never kisses, beheads and tells.

Leave it to say I required several shots afterward and my Fu Manchu had to be carefully groomed.