tl;dr but man I'm in

Well said Scorcex!

I was about to feed Hard8s his still-beating supercilious black heart for insulting our Khan. Alas, I was at work and didn't have time. Such is the way of the e-barbarian.
-GH

I see my comments are working already! I think that any person would not mind being pillaged by someone who can use supercilious correctly in a sentance. Also, the grammer is already showing much improvement. We do need to think about the future you know. Whom is going to lead after all the pillaging has finished? There will need to be a government, with many taxes to keep the people downtrodden. Without the correct language and grammer there will be many a loophole. From loophole come uprisings!!!




Ah,screw it bring on da' ho's!!!!

*grunt* I am Sion the Flatulent and I am big pillager. I will Horde with you. *grunt*

I bash skulls with morning star, dont want no sissy scimitar.

give me horse and I will crush many mild-mannered villagers in drunken frenzy. MEAD! I must have more MEAD!

grunt

Fremen the Frenetic here, applying for membership with the Horde, Khan.
I have my longbow, but I could use a good scimitar too, as long as it is big and long. I don't want a scimitar that won't reach. ;)
(I wouldn't mind getting my hands on Mjolnir if possible.)
I will settle for this Mjolnir, though.
http://www.owzat-cricket.co.uk/acatalog/Mjolnir.jpg
I also have a wheelbarrow I can bring along.
http://www.linexpc.com/images/wheelbarrow.jpg
You never can tell when a good 'barrow will come in handy.
Btw, I need a Percheron to ride if at all feasible. I can't have my mount breaking down on me in the heat of battle.
A donkey will do, as well.

If you want, I can cook, too. I usually cook for myself when I go a-pillaging just so I know what I'm eating.
I don't take chances on being poisoned by slaves.
Oh, we will be taking slaves won't we?
I need someone to push my 'barrow.

In closing, Khan, I just want to say I will make a good member of the Horrific Horde of Horridness...er..Troublebot Horde, due to the fact that I haven't properly bathed in a decade.
I only get wet in unexpected rainshowers or when my refridgerator freezer breaks down and I grab the icetray with too much strength.
Which reminds me. I can beat most schoolgirls furiously upon their fine supple buttoc.....uh..I mean, I can beat most of them at the hundred-yard dash, so if you need one caught, I'm your man.

Thank you for your time.

Yours in bad smell,
Fremen the Frenetic.
http://justus.pair.com/GalleryPhotos...oggleFront.jpg

and let's remember guys, it's "pillage," then "burn..."

I can't wait to hear the lamentations of the women.

http://mywebpages.comcast.net/oakgro...ary/2HDAXE.GIF

Count me out. Last time I saw a HORDE Tour, it was being headlined by the likes of Natalie Merchant and Paula Cole, although Blues Traveler was kinda cool.

-Mikey

I hereby move that our Horde slogan be:

We will kill everything, including ourselves!

It is strong, forceful, and to the point. Succinct. I should also like to point out that I will be using my hand and foot claws on anyone who votes against this slogan.

So, how is this horde thing working out for you?

Such a foolish question scansinboy!

Do you not see the mighty Troublebot Horde? Tremble before their collected might! Bow down to their superior warrior cunning and proper english! Foul thyself at the mere wiff of their unmanning odor!

Run at tell all that the Troublebot Horde is coming! Prepare yourselves for the pain and aggravation that your puny lives will become when the Horde gallops into your village. Know that the last thing you see will be our might force taking all that was once yours and burning what will not move!

In short, things are going well. You?

Troublebot the Unruffled
Kahn,
Troublebot Horde

how are we doing with the move on redmond, wa?

Uncle Phil the Tunesmith,

If the Horde is well rested and the horses are ready, we'll ride on Redmond a first light tomorrow. Send Threaryn ahead to scout the best places to pilage and tell GH to get a memo out to the men: Don't drink to much tonight, for there is much to do tomorrow!

Troublebot the Mildly Achey
Kahn,
Troublebot Horde

ok, guys, you heard the man...threaryn, GH, what he said...i'll be in the studio mixing a battle song and a victory song (ooh, ooh, already have a victory song in mind...)

Valhalla i am coming!!! (so the answer's yes. Btw, heres a good song for it - Led Zeppelin, the immigrant song)


We come from the land of the ice and snow,
from the midnight sun where the hot springs blow.

The hammer of the gods
Will drive our ships to new lands,
To fight the horde, singing and crying:
Valhalla, I am coming!

On we sweep with threshing oar,
Our only goal will be the western shore.

We come from the land of the ice and snow,
from the midnight sun where the hot springs blow.
How soft your fields so green,
Can whisper tales of gore,
Of how we calmed the tides of war.
We are your overlords.

On we sweep with threshing oar,
Our only goal will be the western shore.

So now you’d better stop and rebuild all your ruins,
For peace and trust can win the day
Despite of all your losing.

you go, loki...i may be in need of an apprentice...

I would love to join the Horde, but I am not into the whole 'No Bathing' thing. I will promise to have a daunting yet calming presence, ready for battle at all times with my body and mind my only weapons. And seeing how I will be the only clean member of the Horde, perhaps I could be a negotiator and ambassador for the Horde before/during/after an invasion.

I pledge my service and loyalty to the Horde and the one who leads it. (Until he or I die in battle.)

Pheatius, I do not speak for the Khan, but I can easily see the strength of having an ambassador-type whose stench does not turn the stomachs of those who stand near.

As for the scouting of Redmond, I find that the bank coffers are full, the bank tellers are all shapely and of child-bearing age, and the bank resistances are all dependent upon some form of witchcraft called "micro soft". I have spoken with uncle phil, and he tells me that the two words together mean their defenses are puny and weak, like a mouse.

Victory is already ours!

The Thraeryn,
Whirling Death-Dealer and Chief "Look At Stuff That's Ahead of Everybody Else" Man of The Horde.

alert...watch out for the students of the northwest graduate school of ministry...they may say prayers against us, or do raindances, or whatever they do...be strong, Hundering Thorde...

I am Pim the Pork Squealer, and I will gladly lend my services to pillage, burn, and have sex only in a caring, monogamous matrimonially-bonded relationship for the sole purpose of procreation.

I too have heard of this "micro soft" I have heard they are like "Windows". Easy to smash like glass (watch out for the edges!) One quick throw of a flail and the "Windows" will shatter. We can run roughshod through the "Gates" and then "Bill" them for the damages to our fighting equipment after. Yes after we have taken the women folk and used them to make coffee, meals and babies. Just be sure we do not pick up any "Virus's" as I hear they run rampant in the "Windows". So we may have to bathe after we pillage and burn after all! Besides the womenfolk tend to stick around if we smell clean!

The pillaging is NEVER finished. SLASH!! BURN!! HACK!!

So, the morning shall be red. This tribe of micro soft shall know fear at the rise of the sun.

My axe is sharp and moans for the taste of blood.

I have girded my loins with the skin of a linux and sing the battle song of my people.

Uga chaka, uga chaka, uga chaka, uga chaka, uga chaka, uga chaka, uga chaka, uga chaka, wooooo, ah, wooooo, ah, woooweee!

I shall taste the still beating heart of a programming drone before the sun rises to midday.

Even now the beserker fever flows through my veins wanting only blood and slaughter.

AH HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!

The Anger Management class was all full up. I think your cause would fulfill the same purpose though.

If thou shalst haveth me I will be known unto thee as
Krazykemist the Emulsifier.

With the alchemical secrets of many an ancient culture may no structure stand in my way!


(You have punch and cookies too right?)

Before we begin our attack, I'd like to welcome our newest members to the Horde. I'm sure your skills and bloodlust will be very useful in the pilaging ahead.

You, the clean guy over there, I name you Pheatius the Anal Retentive. You shall be our bearer of goodwill to those we leave alive. Stay towards the back of the horde please, I don't want people thinking this horde has gone all soft.

Tinfoil the Unholy, prepare a press release on our upcoming raid.

Now Horde, if you are ready, let's make this a day the citizens of Redmond will never forget.

Charge!!

Redmond shall rue the day that Buttcrust the Berserker came to call.

Ahhhh, the smell of smoke, blood, and secretaries. Worker drones fall like wheat before the sickle as my axe sings a song of death about me.

My axe verily smokes as it tastes the blood of its first redundant middle manager.

Ah, to see my enemies flee before me, life is good. (That secretary in the vinyl mini isn't too bad either).

What's this? Server farm drones attempt to hold the door! Do they not know that their time of fatal error is at hand? Their bodies will but serve as a carpet for our feet and their reams of data just a magnetic memory amidst the debris. The door is like a paper to a razor as my axe bites again and again.

Come to me drones, your death is at hand!

Their eyes will fill with the tears of defeat
and fall like the blood drips from the lips of their dying men.

Do not forget men, first pick of the buxom tellers is mine.

It's good to be the Kahn.

http://www.barbariankeep.com/berserk3.jpg

My apologies Kahn, in the excitement some of the women were despoiled but they were probably not of the caliber you require anyhow.

Not a problem, my faithful Buttcrust. I understand how the battle can sweep a blood red cloud over a warrior's judgement.

Your picture reminds me of a t-shirt I had when I was young. Or, perhaps it was a Molly Hatchet album.

So, are there still pockets of resistence, or had we taken the town? Is anyone wounded? I need an report on our progress!

*tries to scream back a report, but simply roars in bloodlust as he kills dogs, cats, and great metal beasts (all the people being gone)*

Someone want to get Thraeryn some thorazine? He's destroying pilagable stuff.

i come to the Horde as Eweser the Short-Tempered, the death dealing companion of Buttcrust the Berserker. i bring my spear, as i feel it is not proper for a female to carry a scimitar, and the conniving and wily ways of a woman. i will infiltrate enemy camps and capture it's leaders and hold them for the Khan to do with them what he will. I will spread word to their harems of the Horde's mighty and brave warriors.

O Greatly Stench-o-fied One. I have received a request for cease and desist from a group Redmond residents that claim to have been Mac users. They say they made it out alive because our weapons were not compatible with them. They offer their computers, money, houses and yet to be despoiled women folk (and men for those of you of that flavor) to us in exchange for their lives and safe passage out the carnage.

What say thee O Unbathed Leader of the Stinking Horde?

Well, I heard some people talking just the other day
and they said you were gonna put me on a shelf.
But let me tell you I got some news for you and you'll soon find out it's true
and then you'll have to eat your lunch all by yourself.
Cause I'm already gone and I'm feeling strong,
I will sing this victory song, woo, hoo, hoo, woo, hoo, hoo.

The letter that you wrote me made me stop and wonder why
but I guess you felt like you had to set things right.
Just remember this, my girl, when you look up in the sky,
you can see the stars and still not see the light (that's right).
And I'm already gone and I'm feeling strong. I will sing this victory song.

Well, I know it wasn't you who held me down.
Heaven knows it wasn't you who set me free.
So often times it happens that we live our lives in chains
and we never even know we have the key.
But me, I'm already gone and I'm feeling strong.
I will sing this victory song cause I'm already gone.
Yes, I'm already gone and I'm feeling strong.
I will sing this victory song cause I'm already gone.
Yes, I'm already gone, already gone, all right, nighty-night…

Are they willing to fly the Penguin Flag of the nation of Linux? It SHALL fly over the ruins of the castle of Gates. Their tribe sounds too weak to even pillage, BAH!

What say you Kahn?

To show that I am a great and honorable Kahn, I will agree to the terms the mac users set forth. Remind them to leave quickly, for if we see them on the 'morrow, fate will not be so kind.

As the Kahn says, so it shall be.

Finally! A warrior queen equal to the rage of her berserker mate!

Glad to have you in the Horde, Eweser the Short-Tempered!

Oh great Kahn, Eweser has sworn on my orbs of manhood that she will be avenged for your slight on her warrior status. She is not my mate and has made mention of ripping your head off and spitting down your neck.

She is most terrifying in her wrath and I fear for even your safety.

I trust that you will handle this in a most diplomatic fashion as my orbs of manhood are sacred to me and I would miss them much.

She is truly named for her temper is shorter than the moment between thoughts.

If it all goes bad I will miss you.

For immediate release:

The Horde ™ is pleased to announce the impending downfall of Redmond, home of the Micro softies.

Troublebot the Mildly Unruffled, President and CEO (Chief Executions Officer) of The Horde had the following to say of the latest crusade: “While reveling in the bounty pillaged from our more recent West Virginia takeover, it was quickly decided that we act against one of the most vile of the vile, the Micro soft clan before they can unleash any more horrors on the citizens of Redmond.”

Joel Clien, assistant attorney general has applauded the move saying that The Horde will do in a day what we were unable to do in years.

Micro soft officials first responded by attempting to purchase The Horde. Pheatius the Anal Retentive, while meeting with the officials, declined the offer. Sources inside Micro soft say that the clan is now attempting to create their own horde, but is having trouble licensing some technology from rival clan, SCO.

Troublebot the Painfully Flatulant has also issued a statement granting immunity for small bands of revolutionaries currently stationed in Redmond. The bands fall under the Macintosh and Penguin banners. "Let this be a lesson to those who have not chosen sides. Side with our enemies and you shall be ground beneath our unlaced boots. Side with us and you shall be given 4% of the bounty"*

* only if the battle takes place on the second wednsesday of any given week.

----


The Horde (TM) is a newly formed organization with aims to revolutionalise the looting industry.

Formed in 2003, The Horde began it's whirlwind tour with the succesful takeover of Rodeo Drive. Pundits have hailed the move as impressive and as a mark of The Horde's mastery.

The Horde is available for private parties and state / country takeovers. Please contact Troublebot for more information.